Online dating and meeting girls: personal experience sharing (8)

Hello everyone! This is Lao Xu from next door.
This time, let's return from the product showcase to online chatting. Because Lao Xu didn't explain things clearly in the beginning, many friends simply believe that you can pick up girls online through chatting (if you haven't read the previous articles, I suggest you do so for a more comprehensive understanding; it won't hurt). Actually, this is incorrect. Let's go back to reality. Let's not even talk about using social media; even in offline meetings, if your overall impression isn't good—for example, your speech, clothing, appearance, etc.—do you think the other person will be interested in you? The same applies online.

Many people use social media for a very simple reason: to date or hook up (the app tells you it's for making friends, but that's just a facade, you know what I mean?). Because traditional ways of making friends are nothing more than blind dates, introductions from friends, classmate reunions, etc. However, you don't get to choose the person you meet through these channels; it's all up to fate. As Eileen Chang once said, "You will meet the person you are meant to meet among millions of people in millions of years." In the boundless wilderness of time, there is no early or late. When you meet, all you can say is a soft, "You're here too?" (Memorize this phrase for later use). This is why many girls use dating apps (more choices, though they genuinely believe they'll meet their Prince Charming). While dating apps provide a great platform for meeting others, they also encounter many men of all kinds, both in chat and profile, making attraction crucial. However, most men, lacking the knack for it, are at a loss. They can't truly find their "the one" among millions. On dating apps, most men and women encounter the same problem: what to talk about? How to talk about it? This is a problem faced by almost every man who isn't good at dating, because of the differences in male and female thinking. Old Xu asks, don't you guys find women incredibly difficult to understand? (Raise your hand if you agree). For example, a man might be thinking, "I want to ask you out," but a woman might not be thinking, "Come ask me out!" Instead, what they're really thinking is, "So many men want to ask me out, give me a reason to go on a date with you."
What you don't know is that while you're saying to this girl, "What are you doing? Busy this afternoon? Oh, right, there's a new movie tonight, wanna go see it together?" at the same time, eight other men are saying the same thing to her. Among them are probably rich kids, sons of officials, and eligible bachelors like singers and actors—basically, a lot of them.
Then, thirty minutes later…
she replies, "But, I live a bit far, on the South Second Ring Road."
So you instantly reply, "No problem, take Line 2 an hour early, then transfer to Line 8. Then we'll meet at the Raffles City entrance."
Then she says, "Never mind, I'm a bit tired today, maybe next time."
Okay, now pay attention! Here, what you don't know is that the line, "I live a bit far, on the South Second Ring Road," was simultaneously sent to four men. The rich and handsome one says, "No problem, great, I need to go over there to talk to someone." I'll pick you up later, so you assume she's genuinely tired and doesn't want to come out, and then you know what happens. Some things are simply done by the rich, handsome, and successful; what was supposed to be your job is left undone. The example above simply illustrates a stark reality: women are attracted to rich, handsome, and successful men. Yes, that's been the case since evolutionary times; women are more easily attracted to men with high survival value. Many guys might say, "But I'm just an ordinary person! Rich, handsome, and successful men are few and far between. Even the 'national husband' Wang Sicong isn't immune these days." So, here's your chance!
Around us, there are always some men who aren't particularly handsome or rich. To you, they're just ordinary, no different from you. But they have a knack for attracting women, always managing to bewitch them. On the other hand, some guys who are actually quite good-looking aren't necessarily popular with women, right? So why is that?
I've noticed an interesting phenomenon: deep down, a woman only believes two things. To summarize in two sentences:
First, she believes what she sees and what you do.
Second, she believes that if she thinks you have it, then you have it.
You probably didn't understand, so let me explain. The first point means a woman doesn't believe what you say. For example, some men might tell a girl, "I'm awesome, I'm amazing, I own a house, a car, I'm a company CEO," or "Beautiful lady, you're so pretty, I like you the moment I saw you." How many men like this do we see in everyday life? Okay, firstly, a woman doesn't believe it. She'll look at your clothes to see if you really are impressive. She'll look at your photos on social media to see the value and information they convey. Is it really that impressive? That's why she gets everyone to create a profile picture first—now you know why. Okay, after she's seen all that, she'll use her own judgment to think, "Oh, is what this man is saying true?"
Secondly, the second point: if she thinks you have it, then you have it. What does this mean? It means whether your behavior, your performance, and your actions meet the criteria of a high-value man. If they do, even if you look ordinary, or don't own a car or a house, a woman will still judge whether you are an attractive man based on your behavior. She will think you are a potential catch, or, "Wow, you're so low-key, unlike some other pretentious men." The high-value behavior mentioned here includes the key point I'm going to discuss today—online chatting (it's best to switch all social media platforms to WeChat!). Many men, however, do too many low-value things in this chatting activity. For example, you might appear to be a high-achieving, wealthy, and handsome man in your social circle, but act like a goofball when chatting. This is called an imbalance between your outward appearance and inner self, and it's easy to be exposed.
First of all, there's no fixed standard for how to chat with high value. Everyone's personality is different, right? Chat however you like. It's fine if you like to memorize lines, but low-value behavior will detract from your chances. Today, I've summarized twelve low-value behaviors to help you avoid these pitfalls.
The first point is flattering women. For example, saying things like, "Wow, you're so beautiful, can I ask you out?" or repeatedly saying things like, "You're so cute, you're so cute!" It's not that you can't compliment girls, but please, don't just say anything. If you're going to flatter someone, at least do it in a sophisticated way. If you think you're some kind of high-class, rich, and handsome guy in your circle and you go around praising everyone, what are you? A bootlicker?
Secondly, instant replies. For example, if a girl replies to your message every ten minutes, and you reply in a second. Don't you guys have jobs or studies? This gives the impression that you're always on your phone waiting for girls to talk to you, which seems like you're neglecting your responsibilities.
Thirdly, showing excessive neediness. For example, quickly revealing that you really want to ask her out, asking after only a few sentences, "Hey beautiful, wanna go out for dinner tonight?" Seriously, you're not the ones paying for her meals, and she's not there just to have dinner with you. Be mindful of your image from the start.
Fourthly, belittling yourself to please girls. For example, you might say to a girl, "Hey, look how big my head is, isn't it cute?" Or you might joke about your own flaws, belittling yourself in a very self-deprecating way. Remember, you're not a comedian; you don't need to constantly make people happy.
Fifth, don't try to explain yourself. For instance, if you flirt a bit or make an inappropriate joke that annoys her, don't tell her, "I'm not like that; I'm actually a very serious person." High-value people don't offer explanations. Remember what I said before? People believe what they see, not your explanations.
Sixth, mistaking your own romanticism for artistic flair. Phrases like, "Every encounter is the culmination of five hundred glances in a past life," etc. While this might be okay occasionally in conversation, unless you're Eileen Chang or Xu Zhimo, forcing a pretentious display of literary sophistication will only make you seem boring.
Seventh, trying to persuade a girl with lengthy speeches. For example, some people like to say things like, "A girl like you, working alone in another city, really needs a shoulder to lean on. You're actually very lonely inside, don't bear everything alone" (the subtext being, "You need me."). I understand that sometimes you mean well, offering advice, but the other person isn't stupid. You can't make someone fall in love with you just by persuading them.
Eighth, offering career advice to a girl. Phrases like, "I think you should consider your future. Don't be like other girls, without goals or ideals. I think you should start planning your life from the very basics." Good heavens, she's here to date you, not to listen to your plans for meeting people. Forget it.
Ninth point: Don't rush to escalate the relationship. Don't start saying things like, "My darling," or "I want to do XXX with you," before you've even exchanged two messages. Even if she's asking for a date, why not choose a muscular guy or a rich bachelor? Give her time to think. Don't rush, folks. Being too obvious makes her think you're easy. Even if a girl suddenly popped up and said, "I want to sleep with you," wouldn't you hesitate, wondering if she's crazy or if it's a setup?
Tenth point: Don't be overly boastful. For example, saying things like, "I'm planning to buy a car next year," or "I'm signing a big contract with our shareholders." What's this called? Trying to prove what you lack. Anyone who actually buys a car knows that you wouldn't announce it to the whole world.
Eleventh point: Don't be emotionally fragile. For example, if a girl doesn't reply, you fall into sadness, endless self-reflection, and inner turmoil. Then, the next day, I sent the girl a long apology, carefully analyzing where I went wrong and asking for forgiveness. The girl was probably just on her period, busy, or simply didn't want to chat. It has nothing to do with you; you're overthinking it. Don't do that.
The twelfth point: labeling girls. For example, saying things like, "Oh, you're 28, you should be getting married," or "Women from such-and-such place are big spenders," or "Girls all love taking selfies and buying cosmetics," etc. Don't do this at the beginning of a conversation. Don't label or define the other person randomly. It makes you seem like you have a one-sided view
of people. Remember, don't do these things in the early stages. These are twelve chat pitfalls I've summarized based on experience. Doing so can easily create a bad impression and lower your own value. There's no absolute right or wrong in chatting, but people with high emotional intelligence know what to say and what not to say. These points aren't exhaustive and don't only apply to online chatting. You can observe more in your daily life.
I'm Lao Xu. If you like my sharing, please leave a comment to support me. You can also add me as a friend to get to know each other!

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