For the rain that cannot be forgotten

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-24

Yu sat across from me, looking quite relaxed. She laid out her cards one by one on the table, her expression shifting with each card. I was lucky, but I remained skeptical.
Yu, seeing my blank expression, laughed and said, "Hey, it can't be that bad, can it?" She paused, then continued, "If you don't tell people, how will they know what you're thinking? Happiness isn't something you can easily achieve by just daydreaming. You only know if you're happy after you've put in the effort. Maybe sadness is also a kind of future wealth."
I remained silent, unsure of what she was trying to say, or what her words meant. I paid no attention to her flowery language; I simply stared blankly at her beautiful face.
Then, a strand of flowing black hair fell onto her chest, which had never been exposed before. Under the pale blue moonlight of her necklace, I suddenly felt an impulse to walk up to her, to kiss her fiercely, deeply, and then, with my weak hands, to gently, gently caress her tender, white breasts, which were completely exposed. Then I wanted to remove the unknown color and shape of her panties behind her white skirt, and count how much of the clear fluid she had, just like mine.
"Hehehe, what are you doing?" she said casually, tapping my head with a playing card. "What are you looking at?" At that moment, I didn't know why I felt this way. Perhaps I needed more than just emotional investment from her; perhaps my desire for her was too great. But holding hands and kissing didn't make me feel like she was mine. This anxious feeling had lasted for over half a year. I really hoped she could understand our relationship from my perspective.
It wasn't because I had lost hope, but the loneliness of long-term unrequited longing that made me get up and leave. Yu was a lively and charming girl with many admirers. Ironically, I was the one who received her first kiss. Afterwards, she forbade me from touching her. Perhaps she was right. Who cares? I should just stay in bed and sleep.
At four in the morning, I suddenly opened my eyes. I don't know why, maybe the dream hadn't even begun yet. Let it continue; I'll wait for the ending. I vaguely heard a ringing bell; it was time to get up.
The day was uneventful, but not what I expected.
The lingering heat of July filled the air, and another day began.
Yu stood up and walked to the window. The lazy sun was already high in the sky. Through the 10-centimeter gap in the transparent glass, wisps of smoke from the cigarette butt I had just thrown on the floor shone through. It was like a dream; she seemed like a goddess floating in mid-air. Her delicate curves were so beautiful that I felt shameless, and my desire to possess her grew stronger.
What a pure heart lay beneath her flawless, fair skin! Were her pale pink lips the same color as the nipples on her exquisite breasts? Did her boudoir hair conceal a private area as sensual as her lips? My consciousness began to caress her body, shamelessly roaming every inch of her white skin, until it reached the deepest, most private area of my desire, irrigating her fertile field that had slumbered for twenty-one years with my abundant male semen!
After about ten minutes of silence, Yu, seeing my expression, didn't speak, turned and left, leaving me behind. The fan whirred, and the radio irritably played "Flower Festival." "Don't you want to stay with me? Are you really going to leave like this…?" Thirty minutes later, Yu came back in: "See me off…"
Then she stared intently at me with those eyes reflecting my frail body. I changed the radio, ignoring her. Two minutes later, she was gone, and I continued to brood here.
After midnight, Yu asked someone to give me a letter. I casually put it in a drawer, and for some reason, I didn't look at it. At that moment, I felt a little wronged.
That evening, Yu asked me to meet her at a coffee shop across the street. When I entered, she was already there, her hand cupped around her chin, her eyes blinking as she watched me approach. She then talked about things I wasn't interested in.
An hour and a half later, she lightly touched my wrist, then lifted my hand and rotated it slightly. I understood and quickly raised my arm to tell her what time it was. This action seemed to surprise or puzzle her; she pouted slightly, looking quite cute. I knew she was angry. Then, she turned her head, gazing at the people flowing under the streetlights outside the window, a hint of sorrow in her eyes. I fell silent, head down, looking at the white sandals she wore, which I loved so much, and felt a strange pain.
"What did you write in your letter?" I asked her. "Nothing, you don't need to read it," she said angrily. Then she turned her head and stared at me intently, her gaze clearly meant to blast me away. I lowered my head again; I couldn't look at her anymore. This stalemate lasted a long time. When I looked up again, she had disappeared into the crowd on the street.
Quietly, my mind was blank. I didn't know what to do. Dragging my exhausted body, I went home and buried myself in bed. I tossed and turned, unable to sleep. Thinking about the scene from the day, I suddenly felt a pang of sadness: "Like a dream without smoke, yet my heart is dead; like a fleeting dream, yet it remains; a letter arrives, but my feelings are unknown; the fragrance of tea fills the air, but the illusion fades."
Two days passed, and there was no contact between us. I, too, remained silent and expressionless for two days, just sitting in a chair watching the star-shaped clock on my bed tick. When I was sleepy, I would lie down for a while, then wake up and continue watching, as if I were dead, as if many years had passed.
On the third day, I packed my bags, took some money, and went to a long-distance bus station in the south of the city. I bought a ticket and headed west, not eating anything on the bus.
Like a sick person, I finally made it to my destination. After getting off the bus, I found a hotel, but it was dilapidated and disgusting, so I didn't stay. Carrying my bag and my old guitar, I wandered alone in this unfamiliar city, completely disoriented… All I saw were people and dust. At that moment, I couldn't distinguish between men, women, old, and young; it was like sleepwalking. I only remember seeing a very prominent sign on the roadside before losing consciousness… When I woke up, everything around me was white—the walls, the bed, the blankets. A person dressed in white had just left me. Was this heaven? Was that an angel? Had I entered paradise?
I felt utterly weak, even thinking was difficult. A moment later, I regained some clarity. A girl with short hair, wearing a white tank top and jeans, walked in. She looked at me and smiled. "You're awake. You've been asleep for a day and a night. This is the hospital. The other day I saw you, pale and with dry lips, collapsed in front of my door. I was terrified. Seeing you were still breathing, I brought you to the hospital. The doctor said it's nothing serious, just extreme exhaustion." She peeled an apple as she spoke.
"Thank you..." I said weakly. The girl was ordinary-looking, with a ponytail, fair skin, and a youthful appearance. Her chest was larger than Yu's, and even through her clothes, it looked quite nice. She wasn't very thin, just slightly plump, and her chubby little hands were particularly endearing.
"Stop talking. You don't seem like a bad person, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered with you," she started talking again.
I tried to smile, even though it might look terrible, but I did it anyway. "I owe you a life, thank you!" She finished peeling the apple and held it to my lips. "Say less, or you'll faint again. Here, have some nourishment, otherwise you'll have to stay a few more days!"
"Sister, he's better," another girl said as she entered from outside. She seemed very cultured and sophisticated. Her ample bosom exuded a maternal allure and the sense of security that men crave. Her voice was magnetic, and although not conventionally beautiful, she possessed a captivating charm.
"Yes, he just woke up. Sit down. Are you especially happy? Okay, stay with him for a while."
The woman said, then stood up, looked at me, smiled, and left.
After seeing her sister off, she sat down by my bedside. After a while, she asked, "What's your name? What brings you here?"
I looked at the opposite wall, very white, and said, "I want some peace and quiet, I want to walk around by myself. My friends call me Wen. Thank you both."
She lowered her head, remained silent for a moment, and then said to me, "Don't you want to ask me why I took you to the hospital?"
"I'm sick, I fainted."
"No, because..." She seemed somewhat heavy-hearted, yet with a hint of joy. She slowly took a portrait from her bag, unfolded it, and placed it in front of me.
I smiled, "When was this painted? It looks so much like you, but I'm not feeling so well right now."
"It looks like you, but...it's not you..."
"It's Jun, my boyfriend, two months ago..." Her voice choked slightly, "He left me, left forever..."
"Oh, I see. I'm sorry, I made you sad."
"It's nothing, I've come to terms with it..." And so we began to talk more like friends, getting to know each other better in the process.
Three days passed, and I found a place to settle down temporarily. The two of them often came to visit me, and I often went to the shop to see them. Although it was a chance encounter, it was also a kind of fate. In the shop with the sign "Le Yi," we ate simple meals and chatted freely. We were very happy. I often helped them sell clothes, and occasionally I could see their breasts and underwear when they squatted or bent over. It was truly blissful. Although I couldn't let go of Yu, at least here I could fantasize about the breasts and underwear I saw during the day and take care of my needs at night.
They also often came to help me with laundry and tidying up the room, and occasionally they would even shower here. Of course, because the conditions were simple, I couldn't let them get away with anything, but I never went too far in getting close to them. After all, I still owed them a life.
In this way, two months passed, and our relationship was like that of family, warming each other. I earned some living expenses by playing and singing with my guitar in a corner of the bustling city. I was content, and occasionally I could even buy them some good food. One day, my younger sister invited me on a trip to sketch, and I happily agreed.
We set off at three in the morning the next day, arriving at a hillside in the suburbs to wait for the sunrise. She had everything prepared, and as the sun was about to rise, she began to paint. All around was yellow earth, but she was painting the sea. The sun was barely above the water, and on the shore stood a withered tree with a boy sitting on it. The whole painting conveyed her longing; there was no sadness, just a quiet calm, but more so, an lingering emotion. Around noon, we returned to our lodging. She helped me tidy up the messy room.
She made me a cup of tea and then said, "I'm tired, I'll lie down for a while, you don't mind, do you?"
I joked, "Don't worry about me, don't think I'm some kind of wolf."
She laughed and said, "You have the heart, but not the guts."
Ten minutes later, I heard her soft breathing, slow and rhythmic, a hint of beauty on her lips. She
lay on her right side, her hands clasped behind her right ear, her legs slightly bent, her forehead slightly damp. Under the breeze of the electric fan, I could see her lace lingerie, her firm breasts almost fully exposed to my gaze. Then she rolled over, lying on her back in the middle of the bed, her white skirt, barely above the knee, billowing in the fan
's breeze. This revealed her pink cotton panties, clearly without padding, tightly wrapped around her bulging vulva. I didn't know if she was asleep; I was reading a book beside her, watching her, and my lower body quietly hardened. That possessive desire for her surged up from the depths of my heart again.
I pretended to cover her with a blanket, actually wanting to get closer to see her more clearly. Just as I reached the bedside, she rolled over again, facing me. Now I could see her breasts pressed against the side of the bed, their whiteness almost suffocating me. The pale red nipples were now unreservedly displayed before my eyes, deeply etched into my mind.
I'll never forget that nipple. It was the first time I'd ever seen a girl's nipple so close. I was so excited I didn't know what to do. I stood there for a minute, then couldn't resist anymore. I bent down, looked at her breast,
and gently kissed it. So beautiful! I quickly covered her with a towel and left the bedside, afraid she'd see my erection. My heart was pounding, and my penis was throbbing.
Just as I turned around, she suddenly jumped off the bed and hugged me tightly from behind. I could feel the thickness of her breasts; they were fuller and firmer than Yu's. She seemed to be sobbing, I could feel it. I tried my best to control myself, because I had never forgotten Yu in my heart, but I couldn't bear her embrace at this moment. I tried to control my emotions and said to her, "No, don't do this, I'll hurt you, I didn't mean to..."
I didn't know what I wanted to say. Reason and desire were the most conflicting things for me at this moment. I remained silent, listening to her choked words, "I don't want to lose you again. You came to find me in place of Jun. We had agreed that she would accompany me to see the sunrise and to sketch today, and I promised her that today I belong to her..."
I think her tears had soaked her beautiful face and also nourished my spine.
"Today is Jun's birthday, and I wanted to give him my birthday present. He has been looking forward to this day, but... Waaah... Waaah..." At this moment, I could no longer be held by her like this, so I struggled to break free from her embrace, turned around, and tightly hugged her in my arms. She warmed my yearning body with her firm breasts.
I used my mouth to stop her sobs, and my skilled tongue soothed her wounded heart. At that moment, I considered her my Yu, and she, in turn, used her gentleness to quench my long-suppressed thirst. I explored the inside of her mouth with my tongue, saliva flowing into her mouth and down her chin as my tongue entwined with hers. I greedily chewed on her sweet tongue, sweeping my tongue across every taste bud. Unconsciously, I tasted tears.
I knew that today, she was mine; she would give me everything Yu had never given me. About three minutes of kissing had already caused my penis to unzip my jeans, pressing against her flat stomach through her underwear. I frantically unbuttoned her shirt, roughly reaching my hands into her tightly fastened bra. The beauty of the lace had become an obstacle; I needed to caress her breasts, to kiss her beautiful nipples.
Without my noticing, she had already unhooked her bra from behind. When I felt it wasn't so tight anymore, I suddenly froze, then used my slightly stiff hands to pull it off. What I saw before me was a scene I will never forget: a pair of firm, bamboo shoot-like breasts like a powerful magnet, drawing my head tightly towards them. My face, my tongue, my saliva endlessly savored the sensation. She was also intensely enjoying it, softly moaning.
After a while, I pounced on her on the bed and, with lightning speed, stripped off all my clothes, pressing my entire body against hers. With one hand, I quickly searched for my ultimate target. My hand felt the little panties that made my heart flutter; the soft mounds were already moist. I didn't know if Yu had ever experienced such moisture, but today she had, and I wanted to possess her.
With her help, I took off her skirt and her last line of defense, finally allowing me to appreciate the woman for 10 seconds. I couldn't hold back any longer; I wanted to immediately insert my penis into her pink, lubricated vagina. I didn't know how to get in, so I just kept thrusting. Without her help, I probably would have already ejaculated outside. That wonderful feeling can only be experienced when you get a woman for the first time.
I thought I couldn't get in, and just as I was about to use force, she whispered in my ear, "Be gentle, it's my first time, don't hurt me too much. Everyone has moments of tenderness." After such a long, sweet whisper, she warned me that she was still a virgin. After my glans entered her vagina, I tried to move forward slowly. I felt that the resistance wasn't too great, so I increased the force a little and thrust my hips forward again.
Seeing her expression, I decided to go for it quickly and forcefully. On the third thrust, I finally made my penis fully penetrate her sacred virginity. I heard her gritted teeth and let out a loud moan. I thought I had succeeded. In less than two minutes of thrusting, I saw some blood and some viscous fluid. Before I could continue, my body and my soul felt like they were soaring into the sky. Warm currents gushed from my body, reaching deep into her private parts. She, too, let out a violent "ahhh" sound with my final frenzy… I possessed her, possessed this nineteen-year-old girl, Lingling. While making love to her, I don't know if I thought about who she was, or about Yu. I don't know if this was all I needed, if it was just sexual satisfaction.
It also reminded me of the book *Back to Singing*, which says: "Don't be with him just because he kissed you; don't assume it's love just because he kissed you. Sometimes what seems like an unbreakable bond is actually just…unwillingness…that
's all…" Yes! "In truth, it's just...unwillingness...that's all." Why did I come to this place? Was it to search? Or to escape? Was it to desperately pursue a love that wasn't meant for me, a love that was about to arrive? I truly don't know.
Looking at her sleeping soundly, I felt as if I saw rain, rain's eyes, rain's wounds, rain's sorrow, and rain's joy.
Encountering rain reveals the beginning of a dream; a long journey reveals its fleeting nature. Looking back seems like sorrow and pain; looking forward dispels hurt and melancholy.

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For the rain that cannot be forgotten

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