34 jokes

page views:1 Publication date:2022-05-18

1. A: "A gentleman uses words, not fists. I've always adhered to this principle. This time, I think I might have gone a little too far with my words..."
B: "A little too far? Look what you've done to him!"
2. My mom said to me: "When you get a wife, don't forget your mother!" I replied with unwavering conviction: "Don't worry, even with a wife, I'll still be just as motherly!"
3. Research has found that: People with messy beds have an average IQ 50% higher than those with tidy beds!
People who are frequently late have an average humor 70% higher than those who are never late!
People with large appetites have an average emotional intelligence 90% higher than those with small appetites! Forgetful people are more detached from worldly pursuits!
People who love to sleep in are more compassionate!
Who did this research? I'll tell you it's authoritative—I did it!
4. Guys, remember this: if your girlfriend keeps nagging you about not having a car or a house, it doesn't mean she really thinks you're poor. She just wants to see you improve. If she really disliked you, she wouldn't be staying with you, right?
So, at this time, absolutely don't argue with her. Just stop what you're doing, stare intently into her eyes, and say, "That's just how I am. Go find someone better!"
5. Auctioning myself! I can't afford to live anymore!
70% new, in my prime, all paperwork complete, no damage whatsoever. No extra charge after purchase. I
only eat about a pound of rice and a few ounces of meat per 100 kilometers. I'm very capable!
I can carry soil in the fields, chop firewood in the mountains, cook, and do laundry! I know how to spend money, and when I don't, I stay home! I can take you out, but whether you bring me back is up to you.
Interested parties are welcome to inquire. Free shipping, you can bring it upstairs yourself!
6. The bus was packed. A woman with a child came over. Seeing no one move, I called out, "Sister, come sit in my seat!"
Everyone on the bus looked at me with admiration. The person next to me whispered, "This guy, even in a wheelchair, he's still acting cool!"
7. I went hiking with my girlfriend. I was carrying a big bag of snacks. She pitifully asked me, "Is it heavy? Should I help you eat some? "
8. On my goddess's birthday, I smiled and said to her, "I am the gift. Leave a lipstick mark on my face as a signature."
The goddess covered her mouth and chuckled, gently signing five finger marks on my face.
9. Me: "Give me sunshine and I'll shine; give me a flood and I'll overflow."
Girlfriend: "Give me dog poop and you'll eat!"
10. Me: "They say women are made of water, why are you so violent!" Girlfriend: "I'm made of water too! Hehe, boiling water."
11. After finishing overtime work at night, a girl called her boyfriend to come pick her up.
Her boyfriend disagreed, saying he was afraid of the dark.
The girl angrily retorted, "Damn it, you're afraid of the dark but not of being green!"
12. I arrived late to a gathering and quickly apologized at the restaurant, "Sorry, sorry, something urgent came up and I'm late. Have you all finished eating? I'll just eat the leftovers," and started eating.
After a while, a classmate said, "It's okay, we just arrived too. We just sat down, and the food hasn't been cleared from the table yet!"
13. In the morning, I picked out a few vegetables at a market and the owner said, "That'll be 20 yuan and 5 mao."
I said, "I don't have change, just give me 20!"
She nodded.
When I took out my wallet, a 5 mao coin fell out, rolling and jumping as it landed in her money drawer.
She laughed heartily. Why is my face so red?
14. A friend of mine went to a bathhouse for a full-service massage and chatted with the girl, saying, "It's so lucky to marry a woman like you! I can have free sex at home every day!"
The girl replied, "Let your wife work here, I'll teach her."
My friend...
15. I was walking home late at night when a dark figure jumped out from a secluded road, pointing a knife at me and saying, "Robbery!"
I had a bright idea: "Your knife is pretty good. How about I trade you my iPhone 6s Plus 128GB rose gold?"
He actually agreed! I was so smart! The moment I took the knife, I shouted, "Don't move, robbery!" The robber was stunned for a moment, then silently pulled out a gun.
16. Police: Sir, your car is restricted from driving today. Fine: 200 yuan.
Driver: I left yesterday and haven't moved an inch. Police: Uh... Drowsy driving, fine: 200 yuan, 3 points deducted!
Driver...
17. I went to the bank to withdraw money. The clerk asked, "Is it more than 20,000 yuan?" Me: "No, low... lower than 100!"
18. Who would have thought that the opposite of "young master" is actually "mother and daughter"!
19. Those who offend China, I will tolerate, but don't steal my Su cigarettes anymore.
20. A fly landed on a pile of dung, motionless, like an old monk in meditation!
A mosquito passing by exclaimed, "What a calm and unperturbed fly!" The next day, the mosquito passed by again and saw maggots emerging from the dung, exclaiming again, "What a life-giving fly!"
21. Africa suffered a rare insect plague. Countless caterpillars devoured crops, then turned into swarms of butterflies, which laid eggs that then produced more caterpillars... creating a vicious cycle.
Local biologists introduced a type of duck from East Asia as a natural enemy, ultimately resolving the insect plague. This is the story of the ducks eliminating the butterflies.
22. Today at the construction site, I found a small, somewhat transparent stone. I asked the foreman if it was jade.
He didn't even look at it and said, "Fake jade."
23. I bought a white shirt online, and before I even tried it on, I found a stain in one spot.
I asked customer service, and they said to wash it and see.
After I washed it, they said—no refunds after washing…
I'm so annoyed!
24. My younger brother asked my aunt, "Mom, where did I come from?" My aunt casually replied, "You were found."
Then my brother said, incredibly annoyed, "Sigh, how could they abandon such a good child?"
25. I just went to the supermarket next door with my daughter. It was windy at the entrance of our community, and I was having trouble holding the umbrella, so I said to my daughter, "If you get blown away, I won't be responsible."
My daughter tugged at my clothes and said, "You're so fat, I'll hold you and you'll be fine!" Me…
26. My son said I should dye my hair a bright color. After I kept pressing him, he finally told me why: he said that would make me look even more like a weirdo when I scolded him…
27. Today I accidentally broke a wine bottle, and I was shocked. My three-year-old brother was also there. I repeatedly told him not to tell his dad, or I wouldn't let him play with me anymore.
Then I busied myself cleaning up the broken bottles...
When his dad came home that evening, he smelled alcohol and asked, "Sweetie, tell Dad what's causing this smell? Did you two drink? Tell Dad, and I'll buy you something nice to eat later."
My brother replied, "Hmph, the teacher said a man should keep his promises. I'd rather die than betray my brother!"
I was speechless! #￥@#￥
28. My six-year-old nephew's mother bought a dress online. After trying it on, she thought it was just okay and said to her nephew, "Should we return it?"
The nephew hugged his mother's neck and said, "Don't return it, keep it for my wife!"
29. A little boy in my class bit someone during a fight. The teacher called him over and scolded him: "Are you a dog?"
The boy looked at me innocently and said: "Yes, teacher, I am a dog!"
30. I wanted to smile at him, but instead, a snot bubble popped out...
31. My boyfriend said: "Honey, when I'm rich, I'll take you to get liposuction and plastic surgery, so you'll be beautiful every day..."
Hearing this, I felt a mix of joy and worry. How ugly am I?!
32. Girl: "Did you often steal offerings when you were little?" Boy: "Wow! How did you know?!"
Girl: "Hehe, with your looks, you look like you've been cursed by heaven, who wouldn't notice?!"
33. I was walking my dog this morning when I met a cute girl with a dog. The two dogs hit it off and were about to start cuddling.
The girl rolled her eyes at me and said: "Keep an eye on your son. "
I looked down at my dog and said: "Your mother-in-law didn't like you!"
34. Wanting to be romantic, I said: "Darling, let's travel around the world together. You go in one direction, I'll go in the opposite direction, and one day we'll meet in a strange but beautiful city."

URL 1:https://www.sexlove5.com/htmlBlog/216826.html

URL 2:/Blog.aspx?id=216826&aspx=1

Last access time:

Previous Page : Seven cases including a perverted driver

Next Page : This is hilarious, I'm completely devastated!!!

增加

comment Open a new window to view comments

Contact Information

34 jokes

comment Open a new window to view comments