Call the police if you need anything.

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1. While waiting for the subway, a guy excitedly ran towards a policeman. I wondered if he had found a wallet. He excitedly told the officer, "Officer, I just bought a bottle of green tea from the vending machine, and I won a free bottle! Where do I redeem my prize?"

2. A group of foreign boys were playing on the beach. These mischievous boys played a prank: they poured laxatives into the food in their drinks, then kicked it away, scattering the food like petals across the sand. Seagulls swooped down from all directions, pecking happily. A moment later, it started raining poop from the sky! Dense bird droppings rained down from the sky. The seagulls had diarrhea. The entire beach became their giant toilet! People of all ages sunbathing were in a terrible state, getting hit and running around covering their heads.

3. I went to the hospital for a shot. A young nurse, probably an intern, was quite nervous and couldn't find a vein even after ten attempts. I gritted my teeth and said, "Big sister, your surname is Li, right?" She said, "How did you know?" I said it's simple, because you look exactly like the legendary Li Shizhen!

4. The Japanese spent 166 million to buy the Diaoyu Islands. This is not only an invasion of Chinese territory, but also an insult to Chinese land prices!

5. I saw my best friend's boyfriend's photo before meeting him and thought he was just average. My best friend explained that it was because he's not photogenic. Today, I met him in person, and he was even uglier than in the photo. My best friend asked for my opinion. Not wanting to hurt her self-esteem, I hesitated for a long time before finally saying: Actually, he's quite photogenic.

6. The owner was in a car accident and fell by the roadside. The loving pet dog stayed by his side to protect him and prevent outsiders from approaching. Ultimately, the delay in treatment caused the

dog to die. 7. A writer enlisted in the army. The sergeant asked, "Did you go to primary school?" He replied, "Yes. I also went to middle school, and I got three degrees from university, and..." The sergeant nodded, held up an eraser, and stamped two words on a piece of paper: "Literate."

8. An 8-year-old girl should be told stories to put her to sleep; an 18-year-old girl needs stories to lull her to sleep; a 28-year-old girl will fall asleep automatically without stories; and a 38-year-old girl will tell stories to lure you to sleep.

9. A guest said to the young owner: "Look, what beautiful curly hair! Did your mother give it to you?" The young owner thought for a moment: "I think my father gave it to me, because he doesn't have a single hair on his head now."

10. Customer: "I want to buy a book. There's no murder, but it's full of hidden danger; there's no love, but it's full of bittersweet emotions; there's no detective, but it keeps you constantly on guard… Can you recommend one?" Shop assistant: "Stock Market Quotes."

11. When we first entered school, the whole class introduced themselves. A male student walked up to the podium: "My name is Wang Peng, I'm from Beijing, and I love playing chess!" He then stepped down. The next student was a girl. She shyly walked up to the podium and nervously introduced herself: "I...I'm Xia Qi..."

12. During class, the teacher suddenly announced: "Whoever can answer my next question can go home immediately." I immediately threw my bag out the window. "Who threw that?" "I did! I'm going home now!"

13. The students were about to take an exam. One student went to the teacher's office. The teacher asked him: Who invented the light bulb? He answered: Edison. Who invented the element radium? He answered: Marie Curie. Who discovered universal gravitation? He answered: Newton. After the exam, this student told the answers to someone else... When that student took the exam—the teacher asked him: Who is your father? Who is your mother? What is your name? That student answered: Edison, Marie Curie, Newton...

14. A young man went to school as a freshman. Because his head resembled a brick, his classmates called him "Brick Man," which annoyed him. One day, wanting to see if his head really looked like a brick, he went to a well, looked down, and suddenly, a voice came from the bottom of the well: "Damn it, try throwing yourself down here if you dare!"

15. A young worker named Xiao Wang wanted to transfer jobs, so he invited the factory manager for drinks. After a few rounds of drinks, Xiao Wang handed the manager his application and pen. The drunken manager took the pen and heavily signed two words on the application: "Good wine."

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