Write to Myself 1

He and I were each other's first love, we were together since the first year of high school, and we broke up last semester. What devastated me was that he quickly found someone new. I was terrified during that time, suffering from insomnia night after night, my mind filled with his endless doting on her. What was once mine now belongs to someone else. I was afraid of that period, I don't even know how I got through it. It happened last Friday. He suddenly came back to see me. I never thought he would come back. I already had a new boyfriend, life was back to normal, and I had even started to dislike him, but then he appeared in front of me. That day, I even told my best friend and my boyfriend that he had actually come back and asked me to leave. They both told me to ignore him. I refused too. As the sun was setting, he said he would come to my school to see me. I didn't think much of it, so I let him come. We ate together on campus, I showed him around the campus, and later we sat at the sports field for a while. I took him out around 9 pm. During that time, I didn't dare to ask about them. I was afraid I would be touched by something. I had finally moved on, so I didn't want to bring it up again. When I dropped him off at the school gate, he asked me to go drinking with him and his classmates. I refused, no matter how many times he asked. Seeing his disappointed look when he left still hurt my heart. Back in my dorm, I was still conflicted. I thought it was better this way, so I called my current boyfriend. He said I was right, and I went to sleep happily. Around 1 a.m., he called me repeatedly, waking me up. He asked me to come out, but I still refused. I asked him why, and he said he wanted to see the woman he loved, and he didn't care about anything else, he just wanted to see me. I said no, and he said he would come to my dorm to pick me up. I softened and agreed to go out. My roommates were woken up by my noise and advised me not to get any more involved, but I didn't listen. I resolutely went out, my heart pounding with anxiety. In the car, I asked him why he did this. He said he liked me more and missed me more. I said, "Why should I appear in front of your friends?" He said, "Just say I'm your girlfriend." Finally, I asked him what happened between them. He said that it was impossible for him and her to be together. I believed him completely and went to meet his friends. When we got there, his classmates were about to leave after drinking, so we went to get a hotel by ourselves. The two of us were looking for a hotel on the street, which gave me the feeling of going back to the past. I trusted him so much and never doubted him. He used to be a very honest person, so I really thought I would have him again. I have never forgotten this love.

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