I'm the fourth one; but in his eyes, I'm his real wife.

We met online and got to know each other at a group chat. After several group chats, we gradually became familiar with each other. Later, we met up alone and chatted like friends. One day, he invited me to his shop and we ate together. After dinner, we agreed to go somewhere to sit and chat, but I was worried about running into acquaintances, so he suggested a hotel, saying it would be quiet and relieve my worries. I didn't think much of it at the time and agreed because I thought he was right. When
we got to the hotel, I sat obediently on a stool, while he went to the bathroom first. When he came out, he saw me sitting on the stool and said that sitting like that was uncomfortable and that lying on the bed would be more comfortable. I remember that he carried me to the bed, and then something that shouldn't have happened happened. Although I resisted strongly, his reason for persuading me to accept it made me believe it was true. (He said that my vagina had already betrayed me and was wet, which meant that my vagina wanted it.) So I went along with him. I don't remember how much I felt the first time; I only know that I was very scared and nervous!
After the first time, it naturally progressed to the second and third times... But later, he told me that he didn't feel much when we first started having sex, and I'm the kind of woman who has difficulty reaching orgasm. However, he realized he had secretly fallen in love with me and tried to find ways to make our sex life more harmonious. So, he would always help me with foreplay (oral sex, enemas, drinking my urine, licking my anus, etc.). Sometimes he would even use condoms to stimulate me, or go out into the wild in broad daylight to find excitement. Through his efforts, we gradually became much more harmonious and compatible during sex.
Although we both had our own families, we always loved each other very much. Until one day, a year later, I discovered a secret he had been hiding on his QQ. When I found out about this secret, I felt like the sky was falling. It turned out that... Before me, he had an affair with another woman and they had an illegitimate daughter. They lived together for over five years, but their relationship was always kept secret from his wife (including my affair with him). This made me the fourth woman in his life, not the third. I was determined to break up with him, but he begged for my forgiveness, saying he couldn't bear it and promised to break up with that woman. He decisively ended things with her for my sake. The only thing that could still be involved was the illegitimate daughter. Not long after, his wife found out about their affair. However, she accepted the fact that he had another family and didn't blame him or argue with him. This made me realize that I was demanding more than his wife. He always thought I was more demanding than her. But they say love is selfish. Could he really tolerate my relationship with that woman? So from a lover's perspective, I don't think it's unreasonable for me to ask him to cut off contact with that woman; but I have a more selfish thought: I hope he can also cut off ties with the child he had with that woman. So our relationship wavered on this point; but in the end, because we couldn't let go of this relationship, we came back together.
Now we've been in love for over two years and are planning to get married; but considering the conditions aren't right, we'll create the conditions for marriage before considering divorce. Actually, I've always played the role of the "other woman"; but in his eyes, I'm already his real wife; and he's my most beloved husband. I know our relationship won't be recognized by others; but how many people love as passionately and intensely as we do?

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I'm the fourth one; but in his eyes, I'm his real wife.

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