Am I lost or transcending?

I don't know when it started, but I found myself slowly changing. This change was subtle, yet obvious. I'm a rather traditional woman, and I've always avoided romantic relationships whenever possible. I never imagined that one day I would crave such things. The internet is always so vast and unfathomable. Online dating is rumored to be dangerous, but dangerous things always have a fatal attraction, drawing curious people to explore, or attracting those who refuse to give up to try. I experienced online dating myself, and it completely changed me. Meeting him was a very accidental chance. We progressed quickly. He always said I was very simple and naive, something rarely seen anymore. But it was this seemingly naive man who claimed to love me that ruined me. I trusted him completely. Perhaps it was because of preconceived notions; I always thought he was a good person. So even when he said inappropriate things, I didn't think much of it, only playfully begging him not to talk nonsense. Gradually, I even went from initially resisting topics about sex to eventually not stopping him. Perhaps my concessions and changes emboldened him; he began to talk about sex without restraint. Now I know that's called fantasizing, haha. Six months later, we met again. Everyone was satisfied. Since we lived so close, it seemed like something was bound to happen. Like, going to bed. In the hotel, he kissed and touched me. It felt so unfamiliar, I couldn't move. My reason told me I should stop him, but I had no strength at all, letting him do whatever he wanted. I was scared but also a little expectant. He pulled me down onto the bed, and I started to struggle, but he was too strong. Finally, I started crying and begging him to stop. I was terrified. He kissed my body relentlessly. I was really scared. I cried and hit him with my hands. He sat up, lit a cigarette, and said, "What a spoilsport." That night, I went home alone, preserving my virginity. Finally, I realized that there were some things I couldn't afford to play with. I'm so glad I didn't succumb to lust. This article is dedicated to reminding everyone, regardless of gender, to protect yourselves. Only when you meet someone who truly loves you can you confidently entrust yourself to them. I believe that in that case, even during intimate moments, happiness will outweigh fear.

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Am I lost or transcending?

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