Mourning

The computer was on, and I stared at it blankly, the cigarette in my hand almost burned out. I didn't know how terrifying this was. Although loneliness gnawed at my body every day, I didn't know when I would become a walking corpse. Maybe I would be dead by the time it engulfed me, but I was unwilling. I hated all of this. I wanted to get rid of it. I had enough. I wanted to leave. Could I leave? But what about love? I couldn't abandon it. How could I live without love? How could I face life? Sometimes I would secretly tell myself, "Hey, isn't all you want sex? What are you confused about? Go over there, there's a woman over there. She definitely wants it. Go and satisfy her."
I've slept with three types of women: mature women, high-level white-collar workers, and college students. I met them all in bars. They were all afraid of being bewitched by loneliness, so they chose to run away because they would be safe when the night ended and dawn came. The one I remember most vividly was the mature woman, 39 years old. Her husband worked in finance and was keeping two women. She wanted revenge on him, but a large part of it was because of her emptiness and loneliness, and even more so because she was afraid of being alone. Maybe women who frequent bars are also promiscuous, so she went out to find men. At first, I didn't pay attention when she bought me drinks, but later, as we talked more, I found that she was really sexy. She was wearing a very short, tight-fitting pencil skirt, and I remember touching her big breasts when I went to the bathroom. Who cares!
She drank a lot that night and asked me to take her home. Her house was in Jing'an District, and she said her husband wasn't coming home. Actually, I hate drunk women because they behave terribly when they're drunk. I hate it when they cry and make a scene, but she didn't. The atmosphere was harmonious. I helped her to a Hanting Hotel and booked a room. I was planning to leave after helping her take off her shoes because we were still dating at the time. But then she took off her underwear herself, and I saw everything. I was immediately overcome with lust and just went for it. I even forgot about my girlfriend. In summer, we wore less clothing, so I took off my clothes and we started having sex right away. She was so soft and tender, like she was made of water. Her breasts and genitals were so well-maintained, her skin was so smooth. And that night she was very wet. I fucked her three times. When she woke up the next day, she was helpless because I had ejaculated inside her. So she quickly went out to buy birth control pills. When she came back, she had already showered and was wrapped in a towel without a bra. I told her to take the pill quickly, but she said she wanted more. We had sex again in the bathtub and on the balcony. This time I ejaculated on her body, a lot of it. Afterwards, she said, "I haven't had this much fun in a long time." Then she took out her GC wallet and tried to give me a thousand dollars, which made me both laugh and cry. I laughed out loud and said, "Talking about money hurts feelings." She frowned. She thought I was a gigolo. I said, "Goodbye, goodbye forever!"

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Mourning

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