The SM Queen's Spiritual Redemption

The spiritual redemption of the SM queen
Word count: 83,216 words
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Writing these stories is something I've wanted to do for a long time. Finally, as my emotional journey came to an end, I...
I can finally calm down and do what I want to do. In this late night, I write these words for myself and for those I've been through with. I know these words might bring me a lot of trouble. Because in this world, there are many people who don't understand SM, don't understand this special group.
SM is a sadomasochistic game where there are only two roles: master and slave. Many people dedicate their lives to this secret. It's a game, yet we've paid for it with our time, money, energy, and dreams, not to mention the helplessness of being misunderstood.
The SM Queen, a supreme M-dominant figure in the game. She controls the minds of her slaves, raising her whip high to redeem their lonely souls. But who knows what will happen when all the splendor fades away?
In a side unknown to others, the Queen is a lonely soul. She can never face her lover, never be in the sunlight, never face life. Who can redeem the Queen?
And I am that queen. Being queen is a profession I cannot give up. It has brought me so much; it has become an integral part of my life. I can gain money and the exquisite life I desire. But it has also cost me my lover forever.
一Initial 1
Recalling those past events is the last thing I want to do. I believe it's in my mind...
There's a delete function in it. I force myself to forget many things. Because those painful memories, whenever I recall them, are like reliving those past sufferings. But some things are unforgettable. Because during that period, perhaps the most difficult time of my life, I met some kind and sincere friends.
I am an idealist; I believe that the purest emotions exist in this world: love, family, and friendship.
Maybe I was really, really stupid back then.
But all of this ended with my divorce. I was 28 then. My parents had severed ties with me when I was about to marry that man. In their eyes, the man I loved wasn't right for me. Like many other divorced women, I started a new home. But unlike others, I couldn't go back to my parents' house. Because I was a traitor to that scholarly family. I didn't want to go back either. Although I'm a woman, I have the strong pride of an educated person. Marriage brought me only hurt. The man I gave up everything for ultimately hurt me. Divorce was truly a relief. My heart felt instantly lighter. But that relief was accompanied by confusion. Five years of marriage had made me accustomed to a certain lifestyle. But now, I had to start over. I had to face many problems: survival, renting a place, making a living. Once everything was settled, I lived the simple life of a single woman. That's when I learned to use the internet.
I really don't know if this is a lucky thing, but I do know that...
The internet changed my life. Perhaps this change will last a lifetime. But I've never regretted it. From initially only knowing how to watch movies, to learning how to chat online, I slowly got used to spending my time in internet cafes after get off work. Only in this way could I alleviate the feeling of loneliness amidst the unique noise of the internet cafe. I'm really afraid to go back to my rented room. It's a cold world.
One day, in a chat room in Tianjin, I named myself "Woman's Sentiments." A very ordinary name. Not many people chatted with me. Suddenly, a user named "Woman's Slave" popped up.
He greeted me: "Hello." I was genuinely surprised. Does anyone really have a name like that? Out of curiosity, I struck up a conversation with him. This conversation became a major turning point in my life. Perhaps that first person still doesn't know the impact he had on my life. I really didn't understand anything back then; he just asked if I could mistreat him. He could give me money. He could be my dog. I could boss him around as I pleased.
He could also provide sexual satisfaction for me. At that time, I hadn't had sex in a long time. It felt incredibly exciting. I had so much pent-up emotion inside me. His conversation was so captivating; I felt a restless desire within me. So, I agreed to meet him. He invited me to his friend's house, in a residential building in the Heping District.
Looking back, maybe that was his own home.
I hesitated a bit before knocking, but I'm the kind of woman who's decisive and acts on her impulses. Since I'd come all this way, I wasn't going to give up without a result. When he opened the door, he gave me a wary look, then glanced around. Once he was sure I was alone, he politely let me in. It was a one-bedroom apartment. It was very clean, with many books and magazines. The computer was still on. Six years ago in Tianjin, not every family had a computer. I secretly breathed a sigh of relief. A person who likes to read can't be a bad person; it seemed he was financially well-off. I wouldn't come empty-handed. Back then, my salary wasn't very high, and I still had to pay rent. That was one of the reasons I agreed to come.

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The SM Queen's Spiritual Redemption

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