Jokes about the sex

page views:1 Publication date:2022-04-14

A beautiful new female secretary joined the company. On the third day, the manager said smugly to the deputy manager, "Last night I discovered that the new secretary is better in bed than my wife." The deputy manager chimed in, "I also think she's better than your wife."
A man went to the hospital for a SARS checkup. The nurse pricked his finger to draw blood, but because she didn't have any cotton, she quickly put his finger in her mouth in a moment of panic. After a moment of stunned silence, the man calmly asked, "Is it possible for me to have a urine test as well?"
Three men were chatting. The first man said, "I made love with my wife five times last night. The next day, she called me 'darling' very sweetly." The second man said, "So what? I made love ten times last night. My wife almost made me go to work today." Then he asked the third man, "What about you?" The third man thought for a moment and said, "Once." The other two laughed at him, "Haha, what did your wife say today? 'Darling, shall we take a break?'"
Seeing his concubine's worried expression, the emperor immediately summoned the imperial physician. The physician prescribed eight strong men. A few days later, the emperor went to visit the palace. Seeing his concubine looking radiant, he was overjoyed. Suddenly, he saw eight thin men standing in front of the palace and asked in surprise, "Who are they?" The imperial physician replied, "The dregs of the medicine!"
A hunter was hunting when he saw two birds in a tree. He shot one down and discovered it was featherless. Just as the hunter was wondering what was going on, the other bird flew down and yelled at him, "You son of a bitch! I just stripped her naked and you shot her down!"
The farmer complained to the doctor that his feet often felt cold after going to bed at night. "Yes," the doctor said, "I often have that problem too. I usually hold my wife close, and that warms my feet up!" The farmer mustered his courage and said, "That's a great solution, but—when is your wife available?"
During sex, the husband always insisted on turning off the lights. One time, halfway through, the wife suddenly turned off the lights, angrily shouting, "So you've been lying to me with a cucumber all this time!" The husband retorted angrily, "Damn it, I haven't even asked you what happened to the baby yet!"
Two beggars, desperate to survive, decided to eat a pile of excrement. The first beggar said, "You eat it, I'm not hungry." The first beggar ate some and then vomited. The second beggar immediately ate it and said, "I just wanted something hot."
A shy boy finally mustered the courage to ask the girl he loved: "What kind of boy do you like?" The girl replied: "Someone I click with." The boy asked again, and got the same answer. He could only sadly say: "Can't someone with a slightly flat head do the same?"
A mother, her grandmother, and two daughters were on a plane that tragically crashed. The four of them drifted to a small island, clinging to a large suitcase. The island was inhabited by a group of soldiers of varying ages. A burly soldier approached and forcibly took the mother away. The younger daughter clung to his leg, crying, "Don't take my mother away!" The soldier kicked her away, saying, "What does a child know!" Then a younger soldier came and took the older sister away. The little girl again clung to his leg, crying, "Don't take my sister away!" The young soldier also kicked her away, saying, "What does a child know!" Just then, an older soldier appeared. As the little girl was about to rush towards him, the grandmother kicked her away, saying, "What does a child know!"
The story goes that Guan Yu was shot in the arm by a poisoned arrow. Hua Tuo performed a bone-scraping treatment to remove the poison. Guan Yu asked Hua Tuo, "Doctor, will this injury affect my sex life?" Hua Tuo thought for a moment and said, "Well, that depends on which hand you usually use."
The story goes that Dian Wei had a woman who loved him deeply. After his death in battle, she took his penis home, cut a hole in the wall, and inserted it, stroking it every night. Xiahou Dun, Xiahou Yuan, Cao Ren, and Cao Hong, upon learning of this, secretly went to the neighboring house, removed Dian Wei's penis, and inserted their own, so the woman could stroke it every night. To be fair, Xiahou Dun, Xiahou Yuan, Cao Ren, and Cao Hong took turns each day. One day, it was Xiahou Yuan's turn. After he inserted his penis, the woman came over, took out a knife, and cut off his penis, saying, "Wei, we're moving."
The professor asked: What do rotten radishes and pregnant women have in common? One student cleverly answered: They're both caused by insects. He only got 60 points. Another student, however, got full marks; his answer was: They're both because they were pulled up too late.

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Jokes about the sex

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