Selected Cold Jokes (Guest 9)

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1. On my way home with my colleagues after get off work, someone suddenly called out to us from behind, saying: "Hey kid, what time is it?"
My brother, with his fiery temper, was about to transform when he turned around and saw an old man with a full head of white hair.
My colleague paused for a moment, looked at his watch, and said, "Grandpa, it's 6:10."
My colleague is 39 this year, and we continue on like this, like grandsons. Two silent tears flow.
2. Wife: "How does the braised fish taste?"
Husband: "It's alright."
Wife: "Where's the hand-shredded cabbage?"
Husband: "So-so."
Wife: "What about scrambled eggs with tomatoes?"
Husband: "It'll do."
Wife: "Would it kill you to say 'okay'?"
Husband: "The rice is too hard!"
3. A thief broke into an IT company intending to steal, but there were always people there, so he had no choice but to wait and wait.
As a result, a large number of people were working overtime.
Half a month later, the thief finally got a chance to sneak out.
The accomplice asked: Where did you go? The thief replied: I stayed at an IT company for half a month.
Accomplice: Not bad, huh?
The thief chuckled wryly: Don't even mention it, I've even learned to code now...
4. It has been raining for more than ten days in a row, and the people are all looking forward to it.
Emperor Renzong patted Bao Zheng on the shoulder and said, "I have decided to hang you on the city gate."
Bao Zheng was startled and replied, "But what's on my forehead isn't the sun, it's the moon!"
Emperor Renzong of Song: "It's alright, it will upgrade to the sun if it hangs there for a while."
5. When I don't have classes, I work part-time as a waiter at a hot pot restaurant.
Today, the guests asked to use serving chopsticks to stir the bottom of the pot. As I was stirring, I found it smelled really good, so I picked up a piece and ate it!
The guests at the table were all stunned and stared at me.
I said, feigning nonchalance, "Hmm, it tastes good. Please enjoy, don't be shy!"
So I got fired!!!
6. This morning, my son cried and told my wife and me that he dreamt his grandmother died. I said it's okay, dreams are often the opposite of reality; if you dreamt your grandmother died, it might mean your maternal grandmother died instead.
I'm touching the three bloody welts on my face now, and I feel like crying.
7. A couple was arguing.
Wife: "If I had known you were this kind of person, I would have listened to my mother and not married you!"
Husband: "You mean your mother used to stop you from marrying me?"
The wife nodded.
The husband slammed his fist on the table: "I've really misunderstood her all these years!"
8. Last night a mosquito sneaked into my mosquito net. I tried to chase it away several times but couldn't get it out. It kept buzzing around my ear and kept me from sleeping!
Tossing and turning, ugh!! So frustrating, ugh, buzzing buzzing!!
Later, I have to thank my wife; she slapped me twice and made me deaf.
9. Once, a little boy, who looked like a primary school student, got on the bus. When he tried to swipe his card, it said there wasn't enough money. The bus driver reminded him, "You don't have any money on your card, please use coins."
The little boy pulled two one-cent coins from his backpack, dropped them in, and then dramatically announced, "Beep, student card!"
Then, amidst everyone's astonished gazes, I found a seat and sat down. At that moment, the driver laughed so hard he forgot how to drive.
10. I was on the bus just now when I suddenly heard the sound of someone shaking their phone to send a WeChat message. I had a wicked thought, so I put my phone on silent and shook it too. When I looked at the profile picture, it was him...
So I sent a message: "I cast a divination every day, and it turns out you are currently on bus number 9, carrying a brown leather bag. Please get off the bus as soon as possible, or you will suffer a bloody disaster."
Then he got off the bus...

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Selected Cold Jokes (Guest 9)

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