Spicy oil wontons

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1. I went to eat spicy wontons. I accidentally got some chili oil in my eyes, and it stung so much that tears streamed down my face, and I couldn't even open my eyes. But I couldn't bear to waste most of the bowl, so I ate it while crying. Later , the owner gave me a free tea egg.

2. My son goes to school before 7 a.m. every morning. There are motion-activated lights in the hallway, but they're not very sensitive. Every morning, my son shouts "Ahhh!" as he comes downstairs. I was worried about disturbing the neighbors, so I told him not to shout anymore. The next day, two neighbors came to me saying they were late for work because they didn't hear my son shouting that morning, and they told him to shout louder when he shouts the lights next time.

3. My classmate's phone was confiscated by the teacher. When he got it back, he was surprised to find that he had completed all his games!

4. My wife is a nurse in the ICU of a hospital. One morning, she admitted a patient who had suffered a heart attack. When asked why, she said that an elderly man had carried a bucket of water to wash his son's car early that morning. After climbing up and down, washing and rinsing for an hour and a half, he finally realized he hadn't washed his son's car. Then he had a heart attack…

5. Sometimes I really want to run away from home. But if I disappeared, my parents would be frantic; they would definitely put up notices everywhere. The notices would roughly say: "A spare room is available for rent, price negotiable."

6. Those born in the 80s all know a few names that frequently appear in English textbooks, such as Li Lei and Han Meimei. Yesterday, I was discussing with my roommate why those names weren't in high school English textbooks. One guy suddenly said, "Did they not get into high school?"

7. A friend has a very smart Teddy. One day, my friend took the dog to a restaurant. After finishing, at the door, no matter how much he pulled the dog, it wouldn't move. Looking back, he saw a fifty-yuan note under the dog's left paw.

8. A few days ago, a senior in college hung a bed sheet on the window at the end of the dormitory building with the words "I leave quietly, without taking a single female student with me." The dorm supervisor came up and said, "You can't even take it away yourself, yet you have the nerve to write it down." Then the supervisor took away the embarrassing bed sheet...

9. In elementary school, because I was quite naughty, my homeroom teacher moved me to the front seat near the door. Because the weather was damp, I impulsively wiped the glass during class, and while wiping, I saw my homeroom teacher's face... I'll never forget it.

10. A mother and son went shopping for clothes together. When the son was trying on clothes, he found that the fitting room lock wouldn't close, so he asked his mother to keep an eye on it. Just as he took off his pants, a pretty girl opened the door, and both of them were very embarrassed. Later, his mother said she didn't stop him because the girl was pretty... She's really your mother, she loves you so much!

11. My son had a cough, and after examining him, the doctor said, "It's a cold. I'll prescribe a bottle of children's cough syrup, and he'll be fine after taking it." I said, "Prescribe two bottles." The doctor said, "One bottle will be enough." I explained, "If I feed the child a spoonful, I have to drink a spoonful with him, otherwise he won't drink it."

12. A man was anxiously waiting in the waiting room for his wife who was about to give birth. After a long time, a smiling nurse pushed out a stroller with three babies. The man looked at the three babies carefully and solemnly said to the nurse, "I want the one in the middle."

13. Once I felt particularly wronged, so I asked, "Mom, why am I a girl?" My mother looked at me affectionately: "Child, because you were incredibly awesome in your past life!"

14. It's almost Chinese New Year, and Grandpa took out the photo album to clean it. After wiping it clean, he pointed to the old photo from 1961 and said meaningfully, "Look, this one's dead, this one, this one, this one, this one, this whole row is dead, haha." How excited and proud you are...

15. I saw she was asleep, and remembering a bad idea circulating online, I slapped her twice. She opened her eyes in fright, and I quickly hugged her and said, "Baby, did you have a nightmare? Don't be afraid, I'm here for you." She endured for a while and said, "I was just thinking with my eyes closed, I wasn't asleep..."

16. This is a simple little bird song, disturbing the white doves mating at the village entrance. I think I'd be perfect for raising a few big white geese, and maybe a myna bird too. You know, even if a heavy rain collapses the whole chicken coop, I have two tons of feed. I can't stand other people's chickens squawking from hunger and being forced to come and mate in our coop. Even if all the chickens in the village die, I won't run away. In the end, my mouth will be so bland I'll ride my electric scooter to buy bird flu vaccines.

17. A man entered U.S. Customs and wrote "twice a week" in the S.E.X. column of a form. The customs officer, realizing his misunderstanding, explained: "Are you male or female?" The man smiled and replied: "Either."

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