Random comments on China's top ten historical figures and a boy buying lottery tickets

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Random comments on China's top ten historical figures
1. Kuafu: The earliest recorded case of schizophrenia, who enjoyed running naked under the scorching sun. He would run wildly towards the sun, claiming he was pursuing the light. In the morning he would run east, but by the afternoon he would find the sun in the west. He repeated this back and forth until he finally died of heatstroke.
2. Shennong: A stubborn practitioner of the "Dazhan Gong" (a type of martial art), who, in pursuit of self-perfection, collected elixirs and medicines everywhere, stuffing whatever he could get his hands on into his mouth, and ultimately died of food poisoning.
3. Jingwei: Ignoring advice, she swam in a non-swimming area without permission and drowned. After death, she transformed into a silly bird, flying around every day, continuously carrying out the earliest land reclamation project in Chinese history.
4. Gonggong: He got into a fight and couldn't win. In a fit of anger, he demolished a house. As a result, the sky tilted to the northwest and the earth became uneven in the southeast. This caused plate tectonics and the formation of the Circum-Pacific-Himalayan volcanic and seismic belt, which had a significant impact on the formation of modern geology and landforms in China.
5. Wei Sheng: An intellectual with high political awareness. While pursuing his love, Comrade Wei encountered a once-in-a-century catastrophic flood. To protect national property—a bridge—Comrade Wei bravely jumped into the river, using his own body to block the floodwaters. The national property was saved, but Comrade Wei gloriously sacrificed his life. Comrade Wei's death was for the benefit of the people; his death is heavier than Mount Tai.
6. Chang'e: The first Chinese female astronaut to complete a lunar landing mission. Facing the camera, Comrade Chang'e excitedly expressed her feelings: "For me personally, this is a small step, but for all mankind, it is a giant leap. Here, I would first like to thank my husband, Hou Yi, who went to great lengths to buy me Yaochi brand calcium supplements. Yaochi brand calcium supplements are the designated calcium supplements of the China National Space Administration. Taking Yaochi brand calcium supplements is good for you, me, and everyone else."
7. Liu Xiahui: An anti-corruption hero and a good cadre of the country. A certain unscrupulous businessman, in an attempt to win over and corrupt a government official, resorted to the most despicable means—sexual bribery. He hired a prostitute to massage Comrade Liu Xiahui, but Liu sternly refused. Comrade Liu Xiahui remained untouched by corruption, truly a good public servant, and was awarded the title of China's most upright man, receiving a banner and certificate of merit, and being entrusted with important responsibilities by the organization. However, the unscrupulous businessman shamelessly spread rumors and slander, claiming that Comrade Liu Xiahui suffered from severe erectile dysfunction.
8. Meng Jiangnu: A famous terrorist in Chinese history. To avenge her husband, a member of a terrorist organization, she used a suicide bomb to destroy the Great Wall, a famous national defense project in Chinese history.
9. Mulan: Mulan's father, influenced by patriarchal ideology, wanted to evade military service for himself and his son, so he had Mulan impersonate him and serve in the army. Mulan fought bravely and tenaciously, single-handedly killing multiple enemy officers. She rose from an ordinary rural woman to a glorious, top-class female combat hero, receiving an honorable meeting with Party and state leaders.
10. Bao Zheng: Mayor of Kaifeng City, Director of the Municipal Public Security Bureau, Chief Prosecutor, and President of the Kaifeng Intermediate People's Court; Academician of the Chinese Academy of Sciences. Authorized by the Central Committee to sentence criminals to death without approval from the Supreme People's Court, Comrade Bao Zheng, adhering to the principle of severe punishment for those who confess and even more severe punishment for those who resist, deprived all criminals of their right to defense and the right to appeal. He beheaded a large number of heinous criminals using a specially made instrument of torture—the guillotine. This severely cracked down on the arrogance of a small group of criminals, terrified the enemy, and safeguarded the prosperity and stable development of the national economy.
A boy buys a lottery ticket...
A boy bought a lottery ticket at a lottery betting station run by a girl. And then... -- If they fell in love at first sight, then the author is Qiong Yao.
--If a boy falls in love with a girl at first sight but keeps it to himself and then buys lottery tickets day after day, then the author is Haruki Murakami.
--If a girl suddenly pulls out a hidden knife and slashes at a boy, and the boy dodges, and then the entire street rushes to kill the boy, then the author is Gu Long.
--If the boy comes to buy lottery tickets again the following night, but the girl already knows from the news that he died in a car accident on his way home the day before, then the author is Hitchcock.
--If a boy buys lottery tickets based on a book published in 2050 titled "The Complete List of Lottery Winning Numbers of the Past 50 Years," then the author is Spielberg.
--If a few years later, the boy comes back to buy lottery tickets, but his leg has been broken, then the author is Lu Xun.
--If the lottery numbers the boy received were a coded message in a secret document, then the author was Ian Fleming.
--If a boy and a girl fall in love, marry, and then discover that they are long-lost siblings who have never met, and the boy strangles their child and becomes a philosopher, then the author is Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
--If the boy suddenly picks up the terminal and runs towards the nearest building, then the author is Osama bin Laden.

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