31 jokes

page views:1 Publication date:2022-05-28

1. Life has no insurmountable obstacles, only endless ones! 2. A mother worries when her son travels far, worried he'll call home asking for money. 3. Look at you, you've come all this way, why did you only bring so little?! 4. The world isn't lacking in beauty, nor in eyes that can see it, but rather in money to possess it. 5. When watching TV dramas online, there are always censored and uncensored versions. I always thought censored versions removed passionate scenes, so I always watched the uncensored version. Today I watched a censored version and realized that the so-called censored version just removed the opening and ending credits! 6. "Why are there unspoken rules?" "Why strive for something that can be solved lying down?" 7. Any relationship not aimed at marriage is immoral; is a relationship solely aimed at marriage a business transaction? 8. Be cautious when buying at the bottom, lest you become a shareholder: "82-year-old Yang Zhenning marries 28-year-old Weng Fan," "93-year-old Yang Zhenning returns to his hometown with his 39-year-old wife." 9. What truly comforts you isn't a few words from others, but a beautiful reflection in the mirror and a good number in your bank account. So never stop striving to become more beautiful and earn more money. 10. So-called道理 (principles/truths) are all meant for others to hear, including this one... 11. After leaving the movie theater, I saw a punk rocker in a hoodie walk out.
A light rain was falling. The punk rocker pulled the hood up over his head, and a handful of sunflower seed shells flew out... 12. I was having dinner with a friend, and we were having a good time when he suddenly said, "It's no fun for two grown men to eat together. Let's invite two women over."
As a single guy, I waited expectantly, but in the end, it was his wife and daughter who showed up... 13. A cripple bought a beautiful wife, but she was mentally challenged. The cripple took his wife everywhere seeking medical treatment, even going bankrupt...
Finally, he cured his wife, but she ran off with someone else... 14. People who borrow money are getting smarter these days. A friend I hadn't seen in a while suddenly pulled me out of the woods. He asked me on QQ: "Horizontal stroke, left-falling stroke, vertical stroke, horizontal stroke, vertical stroke, horizontal stroke, vertical stroke, horizontal stroke, horizontal stroke, horizontal stroke, vertical stroke,
horizontal stroke, vertical stroke, hook, horizontal stroke?" Out of curiosity, I asked what it was, and then he revealed his true colors and got back to the point: "Are you there?" 15. On the bus, an auntie was chatting with someone next to her, boasting, "My child's tuition is 20,000 yuan."
Another person said, "Are drug rehabilitation centers that expensive?" 16. You know, when I was little, I could see things I can't see now... Mainly because I became nearsighted as an adult! 17. A friend asked me, "What ghost did you dress up as for Halloween?"
I replied, "A poor ghost!" 18. Every day after I'm woken up by my alarm clock, two little people fight in my head. One says, "It's still early, sleep a little longer!" The other rushes up and punches him: "I told you not to talk nonsense!" 19. I'm a person of status, with several "managers"—some from Baidu, some from 360, some from Kingsoft, and some from QQ. What about you? 20. I recently met a girl who has repeatedly hinted that she wants to try dating me. Yesterday, I looked at my recent calendar and realized that Singles' Day, Double Twelve, Christmas Eve, New Year's Day, Valentine's Day... A chill ran down my spine... 21. It's getting colder. Girls, it's time to buy your boyfriends a new coat, and guys, it's time to buy your girlfriends: sweaters, thermal underwear, trench coats, thermal leggings, tights, stockings, pantyhose, bodysuits, shirts, sweaters, knitwear, fleece shoes, leather shoes, casual shoes, handbags, shoulder bags, boots, hats, padded jackets, lip balm, gloves, hand warmers, etc... 22. A colleague just bought a piece of clothing, and another colleague said, "Your clothes look so trendy!" I interjected, "It's been raining lately, so my clothes aren't drying, hence the dampness!"
He immediately said, "Why are you interrupting?"
I added, "I just finished eating, so I need to wipe my mouth!" 23. Attention all smokers: Throwing away half-smoked cigarettes is good for your health, and keeping one or two cigarettes in the pack is a great act of kindness! Mainly, I don't have money to buy cigarettes right now, and all I see on the street are cigarette butts and empty packs! 24. Girl, as the saying goes, having more friends means having more options. How about we date first, and remain friends after we break up? 25. I simply can't believe it. All the fat cells I pamper and feed every day just pretend not to understand when I'm freezing in the cold wind, refusing to burn themselves to keep me warm. My heart is so cold. I've raised a bunch of ungrateful wretches. 26. Sitting in the classroom, my thoughts were in turmoil. Over the years, even the ugliest student in the class has found a partner, while I haven't even managed a hookup, or even held a girl's hand...
Thinking about it, I couldn't help but burst into tears.
"What's wrong, teacher?" a student asked as they entered the classroom. 27. Playing on your phone in class definitely leads to a drop in grades; I know this all too well. Especially in the last semester, because they were always playing on their phones in class, I didn't teach them much. 28. There was a student in the class named Zhu Shanghai, who was very naughty and didn't like to study.
Once in class, he was playing by himself and disturbing others. The teacher criticized him harshly: "With your lack of learning ability, you think you can live in Shanghai? You can't even open the door to the toilet." 29. The Chinese teacher held up a test paper: "The test papers are back today. There is one student I have to criticize severely. You didn't even finish the essay, and you still want to get a high score. Okay, since this is the first time, I won't say the name. Here, Wang Xiaoming, take your paper away." 30. When I was in high school, the school forbade dating. The homeroom teacher emphasized this in class meetings every day. Once, while he was talking, he suddenly walked to the door, closed the door, and said something we will never forget: "With the door closed, we are a family. If you date, that's incest!"

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31 jokes

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