[Humorous Version of Husband's New Rules in 2013]

page views:1 Publication date:2022-06-01

New version of family rules:
One of the family rules: When the wife takes a bath, the water temperature must be measured carefully, and she must scratch her back and rub it; she must not have any selfish or greedy behavior.
Second rule of the family: When your wife goes on a shopping spree, you must be willing to pay and offer plenty of encouragement; you must not show any reluctance or unwillingness.
Third family rule: When your wife serves food, you must praise it highly and eat several bowls; you must not be picky about food.
Fourth rule of the household: When the wife is sleeping, the husband must fan her in the summer and keep her warm in the winter; the wife must not snore or steal the covers.
Fifth family rule: When your wife gives you money, you should be grateful with tears in your eyes and live frugally; you must not be extravagant or wasteful.
Sixth family rule: When the wife is bored, she must put on a show and entertain her with colorful clothes; she must not act indifferently.
Seventh family rule: When your wife is giving you a lecture, you must stand at attention with your hands clasped together; you must not be inattentive.
Eighth family rule: When the wife makes a mistake, the wife must take the blame and shoulder the responsibility; she must not implicate Xiao Chu.
The ninth rule of the family: When a wife is grieving, she must be heartbroken and devastated; she must not show any signs of smiling.
House rule number ten: When your wife comes home late, wait patiently and greet her with a smile; you must not throw a tantrum.
Family Rule Eleven: When your wife is not around, you must think of her constantly and remain chaste; you must not engage in any petty or illicit activities.
Household Rule Twelve: When the wife is happy, the house should be decorated with lanterns and colorful decorations and celebrated in a grand manner; no one should try to dampen her spirits.
Household Rule Thirteen: When your wife has insomnia, you must stay up all night with her and help her count sheep; you must not dream of the Duke of Zhou (a figure in Chinese mythology associated with sleep).
House Rule Fourteen: When your wife is applying a face mask, you must provide the method and try it yourself; you must not laugh out loud.
House Rule Fifteen: When your wife sings, you must be gentle and full of praise; you must not suppress your laughter.
Family rule sixteen: When your wife is angry, you must kneel down and beg for forgiveness and mercy; you must not ignore her.
Family Rule Seventeen: When my wife hits me, I must let her do as she pleases and thank her for her grace; I must not retaliate or glare at her.
House rule number eighteen: When your wife is taking an exam, you must help her study and highlight the important points; you must not act indifferently.
House rule number nineteen: When your wife is giving a speech, you must nod from time to time to show your deep agreement; you must not make any casual rebuttals.
Household Rule Number Twenty: When interrogated by one's wife, one must swear oaths to prove loyalty; one must not act carelessly.
House rule number 21: When your wife is driving, speak gently to her and ease her tension; do not do anything that would cause her any trouble.
House rule number 22: When kissing your wife, you must be passionate and energetic, and do your best. You must not mispronounce words.
Household rule number two and three: When your wife is with you, you must give her whatever she asks for and be persistent; you must not act against your will.
Family rule number two: If your wife doesn't want you, swallow your tears and resolve the issue yourself; no monetary transactions are allowed.
Declaration of Love for My Wife: 1. My heart belongs only to my wife; I dream of her. 2. I am not allowed to scold, hit, kick, pinch, or bully my wife. 3. If my wife hits me, I cannot retaliate. 4. I must always say my wife is the most beautiful and adorable. 5. I cannot mention other women in front of my wife. 6. I cannot say my wife is old or ugly. 7. I cannot abandon my wife. 8. My QQ profile must include my wife's name; I cannot include other people's names or QQ numbers. 9. My wife is more important than my sisters. 10. My fingernails must be clean. 11. I do not allow my husband to be lecherous. 12. I must always listen to my wife. 13. 14. A wife can only have one true love husband. 15. At school, a husband cannot ignore his wife. 16. When his wife is happy, he must be happy too; when his wife is sad, he must comfort her. 17. A husband is not allowed to speak ill of his wife in front of others. 18. A husband cannot have affairs with other women or do anything to betray his wife. 19. If another woman initiates a conversation with him, he cannot respond. 20. Whatever his wife wants, he must give her. 21. A husband must be obedient and not disobedient. 22. A husband must treat his wife's family and friends well. 23. A husband is not allowed to text or call other women. 24. He cannot write or attach other women's names, photos, etc., to anything he owns. 25. If a husband gets out of school earlier than his wife, he must wait for her. 26. If his wife sends him a text message, he cannot ignore it. In order to better inherit and develop the ancient culture of the Chinese nation, uphold family discipline among the general public, restore normal family order, and regulate husbands' family life, this "System" is hereby formulated. Specific contents are as follows (for trial implementation):
First, you must love your wife, resolutely support her, and absolutely obey her leadership.
2. Strictly adhere to the work and rest schedule. Get up at 6:00 AM to prepare breakfast (5 yuan per person). Delays, laziness, stealing food, and withholding food allowances are strictly prohibited. Go to bed after 11:30 PM. Facial cleansing before bedtime must not exceed 3 minutes. Voluntarily prepare foot bath water for your wife or help your wife and children bathe and scrub their backs. Being late, leaving early, or lowering service standards are strictly prohibited. No rest on holidays.
Third, the husband should frequently participate in job training to continuously improve his culinary skills (at least mastering three cuisines), housekeeping skills (to 5-star hotel standards), and techniques such as massage from traditional Chinese medicine.
Fourth, husbands must always pay attention to their appearance and demeanor, and are strictly prohibited from being unkempt or improperly dressed at home (excluding lingerie); outdoors, they are strictly prohibited from wearing outlandish clothes or engaging in philandering, and must be able to "enter the kitchen and go out into the living room."
5. All monthly salary, bonuses, and income must be handed over to the wife without exception or omission. The establishment of a personal slush fund is strictly prohibited. Daily grooming expenses must not exceed 10 RMB, allocated daily by the wife (excluding holidays). Overdrafts and advances are not permitted under any circumstances. The wife has the right to know and audit these expenses. Other household expenses must be used for their designated purpose and misappropriation is strictly prohibited. All financial expenditures must be approved by the wife. Violations may be punished, depending on the severity, with penalties ranging from deductions from clothing and grooming allowances, separation for one month, to dismissal.
VI. Responsible for picking up and dropping off children at school, and must not delay for any reason; strictly implement the "holiday duty" responsibility system on holidays, which includes arranging a family dinner (a ten-dish-and-one-soup meal), accompanying children to the playground (without taking the opportunity to chat with other female parents), and chatting with father-in-law (without dozing off or watching TV). If there is any violation, depending on the severity of the circumstances, the punishment may be a reprimand (demerit), deduction of laundry and grooming fees, deduction of clothing allowance, or forfeiture of meals.
7. The husband is fully responsible for the household sanitation. Hygiene inspections will be conducted according to the ISO 9002 five-star hotel standard. Any non-compliance will be penalized on the spot, and may be imposed separately or in combination, such as deductions from clothing allowance, laundry allowance, or three on-site cleanings.
8. No television viewing except on holidays. Taking the remote from your wife or children is strictly prohibited. Making loud noises is strictly forbidden. Interfering with sports games or any programs your wife doesn't like is strictly prohibited. Violations may result in penalties including mopping the floor three times and a one-month ban on television viewing.
9. Eye contact with women (aged 3-80) must not exceed three seconds at a time, and the total number of times a woman is looked at in a single day must not exceed three times. All contact with former lovers, including phone calls, letters, meetings, and online communication, is strictly prohibited. Teasing or acting ingratiatingly in front of women (aged 3-80) is strictly prohibited. Being alone with women is strictly prohibited. Any violation will be dealt with severely by the wife, according to the spirit of this special rectification campaign, depending on the severity of the offense. Any attempt to plead for leniency or cover up such violations will be considered obstruction of justice.
10. Strictly prohibit contact with pornography, gambling, and drugs; strictly prohibit smoking, drinking, dating gossipy boyfriends, and any other habits that the wife objects to. If any of these are discovered, the marriage will be immediately terminated, and the wife has the right to sue the "gossipmonger" who instigated the relationship.
11. The husband shall not make more than 3 statements about the same thing, each statement shall not exceed 3 minutes, and the volume shall not exceed 20 decibels.
12. Husbands should strengthen their spiritual and moral development, eliminate waste and material comparisons (eating good food before buying diet pills, cigarettes, alcohol, etc.), improve their self-cultivation, and establish a good atmosphere of comparing contributions, housework, and cooking skills within the family.
Thirteen, in any aspect of any family issue, the principle of obeying "one superior" must be followed (i.e., absolute obedience to the wife's decisions).
Fourteen, the husband's allowance, clothing, and personal care expenses will be paid monthly in the form of performance-based pay. The assessment will be based on five aspects: cooking skills, hygiene, obedience, appearance, and work attitude, with 20 points for each aspect and a total of 100 points. He will first conduct a self-assessment, and the wife will be responsible for the final assessment.
15. If the husband's performance evaluation score is 90 points, he will receive 5% of his salary as performance bonus; 85 points, 4%; 80 points, 3%. Those scoring below 80 points will not receive performance bonus. If a husband fails to meet the standard for six consecutive months, the marriage will be automatically dissolved. If a husband's performance evaluation score is 90 points or above for two consecutive years, he will receive the honorary title of "Good Wife Through Thick and Thin," and his performance bonus will increase by 1%, eventually reaching 10%. He will also be entitled to two days of paid leave, which cannot be accumulated and is valid only within the current year.
16. Strictly safeguard family secrets and ensure that the basic contents of this "System" are not leaked.
17. The wife is responsible for supervising the implementation of this "System" and reserves the right to make the final interpretation.
Editor's Note: If you're a henpecked husband, you'd better take note! Women these days aren't easy to bully; everything is decided by your wife! Haha

URL 1:https://www.sexlove5.com/htmlBlog/216711.html

URL 2:/Blog.aspx?id=216711&aspx=1

Last access time:

Previous Page : Ten Family Jokes

Next Page : This quirky guy, DouB, always manages to make you laugh.

增加

comment Open a new window to view comments

Contact Information

[Humorous Version of Husband's New Rules in 2013]

comment Open a new window to view comments