Jokes that are not suitable for children that I've collected recently

page views:1 Publication date:2022-06-15

1. A boy looked at the flushing toilet and muttered to himself, "Son, it's not that Dad doesn't want you..."
As you stand and shoot, think to yourself, "You are holding the future of humanity in your hands."
The teacher's caring advice: "Remember to put the tools back where they belong after you're done using them."
2. After the passion
After the passion subsided, I got up and took a cigarette out of my pocket, but couldn't find a lighter, so I asked the girl if she had a fire nearby.
"There seem to be matches in the first drawer," the girl replied.
I opened the drawer of the bedside table and saw a matchbox. Underneath the matchbox was a picture of a strange man. I found it odd and asked curiously, "Is he your husband?"
"Of course not, silly!" The girl nestled against me.
"Is that your boyfriend?" I asked.
"No, not at all!" the girl replied, gently sucking on my ear.
"Then, who could this be?" I asked, full of doubt.
"That's me before the surgery..."
3. Car accident
The handsome Zhongxin drove a brand new sports car and took his girlfriend Xiaoxin out for a race, looking very cool.
Zhongxin was speeding along the highway, feeling quite pleased with himself, when suddenly—bang!—his new sports car crashed into a road barrier and fell into a ditch.
When the police arrived at the scene, they were relieved to find that Zhongxin was still in the driver's seat because he was wearing a seatbelt; however, they then noticed that Zhongxin's crotch was covered in blood and he was screaming incessantly.
[Stop yelling, buddy. Thank goodness you were wearing your seatbelt, otherwise you might have ended up like the woman next to you, flying out the window! You should thank God.]
"[Waaah... Officer,]" Zhongxin said with a mournful face, "[Are you kidding me? Didn't you see what that woman was holding in her hand?]"
4. The relationship between expected attendance and actual attendance
While eating dinner, Xiaoming suddenly asked his father a question: "Dad, what's the difference between the vagina and the esophagus?"
The father thought to himself, "Hmm, although it's a little embarrassing, this is a good opportunity for sex education."
So he did his best to explain it to Xiaoming.
But the father was puzzled. Where did eight-year-old Xiaoming hear all this from? So he asked Xiaoming.
Xiao Ming replied, "During the morning assembly, the teacher taught us to report the number of people who should be present and the number who are actually present."
5. Tonsillitis
A sailor returned from a long voyage, and having been cooped up for so long, he pounced on his wife as soon as he saw her.
My wife just had a passionate encounter with her lover, and she's really not in the mood for anything else.
So my wife said, "No way! I'm on my period today."
The sailors were quite disappointed.
After a while, he became excited again and wanted to turn his wife over.
At this moment, my wife said, "No! No! It's been so hot lately, I'm so irritable, and my hemorrhoids have flared up again!"
The sailor angrily slapped his wife and said, "You bitch! If you dare say you have tonsillitis, I'll kick you out the door."
6. Accidental rollover
A man was driving a sports car with his girlfriend in the car.
The woman said to the man, "If you drive at 150 km/h, I'll take off all my clothes."
Man: "What's the problem!"
As he spoke, he floored the gas pedal and drove up to 180 km/h, and sure enough, the woman took off all her clothes.
However, because the car was going too fast, it unexpectedly overturned.
The man was stuck in the car and couldn't get out, so he told his girlfriend to go and get help.
Woman: "But I'm not wearing any clothes!!"
Man: "Then I'll lend you one of my shoes; you can use it to cover your private parts."
So his girlfriend covered her private parts with her shoes and went to the neighborhood to ask for help.
She arrived at the gas station, breathless, and told the attendant:
"Hurry...help...my...boyfriend, he's...stuck inside and can't get out!!"
The younger brother looked at the shoe, sighed, and said:
"Sigh, your boyfriend is too deeply involved, there's nothing I can do about it..."
7. Distinction between elders and juniors
A 60-year-old man walked into a pharmacy and asked the clerk at the counter.
Do you have any condoms here?
"Of course." "How big do you want?"
I'm not entirely sure.
"Let me confirm this."
As she spoke, she stepped out from behind the counter, unzipped his pants, inspected them for a moment, and then picked up the microphone. "We need a box of large-sized condoms at the counter."
A moment later, a 30-year-old man walked up to the counter.
Do you sell condoms?
"Yes, we have them." "What size do you need?"
"Well, I don't know."
"It's okay, let me confirm."
She also unzipped his pants, checked them briefly, and then picked up the microphone. "We need a box of large condoms at the counter."
After a while, a 16-year-old boy came to the store.
"Hey, you guys sell condoms, right?"
He asked the lady at the counter.
"Yes," she said. "How big do you want?"
"I don't know," he replied.
"It's okay, let me see." She unzipped his jacket and inspected him briefly before picking up the microphone. "The counter needs cleaning, quick!"
8. Deliveryman
A-Tu is a deliveryman for a cake shop.
One day, he came back from a delivery with a handprint on his face. His boss, Aya, asked, "What happened? Why does your face look like it's been cursed?"
Ah Tu said, "It was that female customer's grandmother's birthday, but after I delivered it, I forgot how old her grandmother was. So I asked the woman a question... and then 'slap!'"
Ah-Ah asked, "What did you say when someone said that?"
A-Tu said, "I just asked her... how old is your grandma? And then..."
9. This is a watch.
A middle-aged woman, unable to satisfy her desires, went to a Friday's restaurant to find a gigolo for special services. The gigolo, unable to resist the woman's lustful demands, quickly became exhausted and failed to perform. Less than half an hour later, he had to fulfill her request again, nearly breathless with exhaustion. Unexpectedly, the woman then requested a third round of special services. Unable to regain his virility, the gigolo could only agree to provide oral sex and targeted massage with his fingers. At first, she seemed to enjoy his services, keeping her eyes closed and repeatedly urging him to go deeper. Suddenly, she cried out, "Hey! You're hurting me! Take off your ring!" The gigolo smiled wryly, "Miss, I'm not wearing a ring, this is a watch!"
10. While queuing at the bank
One afternoon, while a woman was queuing at a bank, her toddler, who had just learned to walk, couldn't contain himself and started running around.
After the other customers showed expressions of annoyance and disgust, the woman grabbed her and told her that if he didn't behave "immediately," she would be punished. To my shock, the woman glared at me and said in a threatening tone, "If you don't let go of me 'immediately,' I'll tell Grandpa that he saw your father's penis last night."
Her answer suddenly silenced the surroundings. Even the bank tellers stopped working.
The woman, clinging to her last shred of dignity, dragged her daughter out of the bank.
The last thing the woman heard when she closed the door was a burst of laughter.
11. An overweight man walked into a weight loss clinic that claimed to guarantee a 20-kilogram weight loss in 3 days or a money-back guarantee. After clarifying the details of the guarantee, the overweight man signed a contract and booked a weight loss course for the next day.
The next day, the beautiful employee led the fat man to a large room where a naked, black-haired beauty had a sign around her neck that read: "Catch me and I'll play with you 3 times!"
Faced with such beauty, the fat man naturally chased after the woman around the room. After running for quite a while, he finally caught the black-haired beauty and successfully had sex with her three times. On the first day, he lost 4 kilograms!
The next day, the beautiful employee led the fat man to another, larger room, where a naked blonde woman had a sign around her neck that read: "Catch me and I'll play with you 5 times!"
With yesterday's pleasant experience, the overweight man naturally worked even harder to catch up, and after a chase, he successfully played five times. The next day, he lost another 6 kilograms!
On the third day, the fat man thought to himself: No matter how alluring the woman is today, I'm not running away. I'll wait for your refund, hehehehe...

URL 1:https://www.sexlove5.com/htmlBlog/216615.html

URL 2:/Blog.aspx?id=216615&aspx=1

Last access time:

Previous Page : A few jokes are enough to make you laugh.

Next Page : The King's Game

增加

comment Open a new window to view comments

Contact Information

Jokes that are not suitable for children that I've collected recently

comment Open a new window to view comments