Not very funny jokes

page views:1 Publication date:2022-06-25

1. Today I saw a Weibo post that said, "The average monthly income per capita in Chinese cities has exceeded 10,000 RMB. Comrades who are dragging the motherland down, please forward this message." Seeing this message, I couldn't help but feel saddened. I was ashamed to forward it. Thinking about it carefully, I've not only dragged the motherland down, I've dragged it down to the very root of the motherland's thigh. I'm sorry, motherland, I've pulled your balls!
Comment: To be honest, I was talking about the glans penis.
2. I was chatting with a Korean guy, and he said that Korea once ruled the Central Plains. I said, "Yes, five billion years ago, Korea ruled the entire universe. Four billion years ago, it retreated to the Milky Way. Three billion years ago, it shrank to the solar system. Two billion years ago, it was kicked off Mars. One billion years ago, it was driven back to Earth. Three thousand years ago, it was part of the Central Plains. One thousand years ago, it was Goguryeo. Fifty years ago, it became present-day Korea. Ten years later, it's Seoul. Twenty years later, only half an acre of land remains. Thirty years later, do you see that doghouse? That's Korea."
Comment: It's not an exaggeration to say that Koreans are bad, nor is it an exaggeration to say that Japanese women are bad.
3. In Birmingham, England, a multi-million pound building was nearing completion when a goose wandered onto the construction site, laid three eggs, and refused to leave. The builders had to postpone construction to avoid disturbing the hardworking mother goose's egg-laying. Workers even built a makeshift birthing room for the goose and kept watch over her around the clock. A yellow warning sign on a wooden board read, "Goose incubating eggs, construction halted."
Comment: An African life is worth less than a British bird egg.
4. In the evening, Xiao Wang took his girlfriend home. When they arrived at her door, he grabbed her and started kissing her passionately. A few minutes later, her father opened the door and yelled at Xiao Wang, "You bastard, let go of my daughter!" Xiao Wang explained, "Uncle, we truly love each other." Her father retorted, "You can kiss all you want, but why are you pressing your hand against my doorbell? I've put up with this for too long!"
Comment: Actually, what he's thinking about is when to sleep with his daughter.
5. A netizen posted a status saying, "When the British invented table tennis, they probably never imagined there would be such a god-like country as China..." At this point, a witty comment appeared: "When China played Cuju (ancient Chinese football), they also never foresaw what would happen today..."
Comment: This comment hits the nail on the head; it's the kind of reply you'd always use when you see an idiot.
6. (by: Cai Ni) Woman: "Only a dog would love someone like you." Man: "Let me tell you, I just inherited a ten million yuan fortune." Woman: "Woof! Woof woof!"
Comment: This woman is so quick to share! She didn't even ask about the currency. What if it's Vietnamese Dong?
7. The brick and tile factory manager and the food factory manager met at an entrepreneurs' networking event. The brick and tile factory manager said, "I've heard that your factory's biscuits are harder than our bricks. Could you share some of your secrets?" "No, no!" the food factory manager quickly replied modestly, "I was just thinking of coming to your factory to learn from you! I've heard that your red bricks are even crispier than our peach shortbread!"
Comment: Secret news, the directors of these two factories are both from the Henan branch of the Central Government's special supply department. The biscuits are used to build buildings, and the red bricks are sent to CCTV for self-service.
8. Today I saw a formula posted online: Chinese Men's Basketball Team - Yao Ming = Chinese Men's Football Team. I was instantly speechless.
Comment: I'll add one too: Argentina Men's Football Team - Maradona = Argentina Diving Team.
9. Manager: "I just can't handle Jones! I've put him at three counters, but he's always dozing off." Boss: "Let him sell pajamas, and hang a sign on him that says, 'Our pajamas are so good that even the people selling them can't stay awake!'"
Comment: Actually, displaying Jones in a shop window would have been the best idea.

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Not very funny jokes

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