The Happy Life of Queen Want Want

The Happy Life of Queen Want Want
Jin dedicates
this article as a belated birthday gift to Ms. "Meet in" and Ms. "Nana," wishing
them happiness, joy, and
to be twenty this year and eighteen next year.
The Moon Invitation Empire, September 8th of the first year of the Prosperous Era.
As night deepened, most of the households in Jade Rabbit Town turned off their lights and went to bed, except for the brothel, Luanfeng Tower, which remained
brightly lit.
The bathroom on the first floor was filled with mist and the air was warm and inviting. The girls in the building were washing themselves in the tub,
chattering noisier than magpies.
"Ugh, that customer was so annoying! He made me do a striptease for ages before he even started, and then, just when we were all
set up ready to go, that spineless coward ejaculated all over me, leaving my legs covered in that filthy mess!"
"Xiao Ke, you should be grateful. My customer is a devil. He has a small penis but a lot of bad intentions. One minute he's
doing push-pull , the next he's doing one-legged stance. He's so clumsy and rough, he doesn't treat me like a human being. He pinched my breasts and buttocks until they're
covered in bruises. Waaah."
"Sister Zi Mei, who told you to be the busty queen and queen of our Luanfeng Tower? Your waist is slender yet supple, and the moment you touch a man
, you stick to him like a sweet glutinous rice ball, driving men crazy. When isn't your business
the best ? Humph, it's worth suffering a little!"
"Pah! I, Zi Mei, was born into the wrong family, becoming sisters with a bunch of sluts like you. You all look like vixens, but
have the hearts of hungry jackals."
"Hehe, I had a client today. He was handsome, had great products, and was very generous. He was so charming. If he
comes again next time, I won't take him even if he doesn't charge me."
"Yiyi, are you crazy? You'll do it even without money, and you've even rubbed the rim of the bowl so much that it's eroded! Does that mean your little pussy gets softer the more you rub it
?!"
"Oh dear, I was just saying, why the rush!"
"Pah! I can't stand your infatuated look."
"..."
The girls chattered away, saying things that kept people awake.
Luanfeng Tower is the largest brothel in Jade Rabbit Town. The women inside, while not exactly beauties of unparalleled grace, are still quite attractive. Among the women bathing
at this moment are tender young girls and mature, beautiful women. In the misty steam,
there are fair skin and snowy thighs, and the rooms are filled with a warm fragrance, like a kingdom of women.
A stone carving is embedded in the wall beside the bathtub, depicting an eagle soaring proudly over the sky. At this moment, the eagle's eyes
seem to come alive, blinking strangely.
The young master of Luanfeng Tower is named Liu Jing, courtesy name Yufeng. When this bathhouse was built, he specifically instructed the craftsmen to leave
a mezzanine so that he could easily spy on the intruders. It seems I have a real ailment.
At this moment, he was crouching in the wall, his lustful eyes darting around, thoroughly enjoying the sight.
More than ten beautiful women emerged from their bath, and he saw them naked, arousing Liu Jing to the point that his blood vessels almost burst.
He was truly unable to control his passion, his heart burning with lust. Unfortunately, his manhood was as small as a silkworm cocoon, and apart from urinating, he couldn't "do" many things.
Liu Jing is seventeen this year, and his sexual psychology is more than mature, but he's still a virgin. He's intelligent and
passed the imperial examination at the age of fifteen. His mother, Liu Liu, hopes he will achieve great things and bring honor to the family. Liu Jing's deceased father
left behind a large business—Luanfeng Tower—which, although extremely lucrative, has a bad reputation. Liu Liu fears her son
will become involved in prostitution too early and neglect his studies. She somehow found an ancient formula and made a drug called "Shrinking Yang Pill" for her son
, making him unable to have sex despite his desires, thus eliminating any impure thoughts and allowing him to focus on his studies. Finally, heaven rewards
the diligent ; Liu Jing is now a talented young man, renowned far and wide for his literary and martial arts skills.
After spying for a while, Liu Jing shivered and realized he'd been out for quite some time and it was time to leave. Otherwise , if
his mother checked the room and found the bed empty, it would be a big problem. With that thought, he
tiptoed and went home.
The next morning, Liu Jing ate breakfast with her mother. Madam Liu's maiden name was Liu, and she was thirty-five years old when she became pregnant with Liu
Jing, her precious child. The couple was overjoyed at the time, cherishing her dearly.
Unfortunately, Mr. Liu passed away when Liu Jing was only twelve years old, leaving behind a widow and orphan. Although they had a large family fortune and were not worried about
food and clothing, they were still lonely.
Liu asked, "Xiaojing, how's your homework going?"
Liu Jing puffed out his chest and said, "Mother, is there even a question? Your son, let alone within a hundred miles of Jade Rabbit Town
, even looking at the entire Inviting Moon Empire, in terms of literary talent and martial arts, who can I fear?"
"Tsk tsk, you little brat, getting all cocky. There are only forty days left until
the Flower Do you even have the confidence to win first place?"
"Hold firmly in hand"
Don't exaggerate.
"Mother, just you wait and see."
...
We'll leave the details of Liu Jing's exam process brief, but let's just say that the talented Liu
was blessed by the gods, his writing flowed like a rainbow, and he overcame all obstacles to become the top scholar in the imperial examination, achieving the highest honors in all three categories.
His fellow candidates exclaimed: "Wow, he's a rare breed, one in fifty years, one in a hundred!"
On this day, a grand banquet was held outside the Golden Palace, creating a lively atmosphere.
Her Majesty the Empress of the Inviting Moon Empire is named Xiao Yanran. From a young age, she was
exceptionally popular with the people, her popularity soaring. Wherever she went, screams and blessings filled the air. She was truly loved by everyone,
flowers bloomed for her, even the dead would come to life upon seeing her, and boars would drool over her. (Hmm, I can't praise her any more, or
the readers will throw bricks at me.)
Therefore, after the death of the previous emperor, Xiao Yanran, at the tender age of twenty, became the eighteenth
emperor , and also the third empress in the empire's history. Without much thought, she turned her eyes and
said to the Minister of Rites: "Since I have just ascended the throne, I should grant a general amnesty according to custom. May Heaven bless my Yaoyue Empire with peace and prosperity, and may the people
live happily. May the people prosper and the fortunes flourish. I will name my reign title 'Wangwang'."
自此，邀月帝国的国民皆尊称这届国君为旺旺女皇。
此刻，旺旺女皇端坐在金銮宝座上，凤目含威，出声问：「娜娜公爵可来了
」
娜娜公爵出班行礼道：「臣在。」
娜娜公爵全名叫克里斯蒂娜，阿奎莱拉。原是拜占庭帝国来朝的使臣，旺旺
女皇还是公主时就与她很是投契，二人年纪相仿，志趣相投，几年下来混得比姐
妹还亲，待到旺旺女皇登基，马上封她为一等公爵，荣宠无比。
「爱卿前几日身体染恙，未能上朝，朕甚为挂念，今日可大好了吗？」
「托女皇陛下鸿福，臣身体已经好了。」
「嗯，要多注意休息。」
娜娜公爵谢恩后回到自己的位置站好。
「庆亲王何在？」
主管礼部的庆亲王萧龙骑出班行礼：「臣在」
宣本届鲜花恩科试状元，榜眼，探花上殿庆亲王面朝金殿外唿：宣鲜花恩科
试状元流晶，榜眼裴晨，探花典骓，上殿——
……
金殿上有人流着口水，不是流晶，谁咧？旺旺女皇呗，说来也可怜，旺旺女
皇广有四海之地，治下亿万民众，可叹还是黄花女儿身，一直想寻一个如意郎君，
此番开鲜花恩科，正存着筛选国中青年才俊，选其翘楚好匹配为夫君的念头。
看金殿之上，三位青年才俊都是人中翘楚，榜眼探花还则罢了，只是这新科
状元流晶，生得真真可人爱啊，况且他连中三元，简直是文昌星下凡，啧啧啧，
真是百年难遇的好姻缘摆在眼前。旺旺女皇不再矜持，抹去嘴边垂涎，和声问道
：「新科状元，你姓甚名谁，哪里人士？可曾娶妻？家中还有何人？」
流晶心下纳闷，这旺旺女皇问得仔细，跟地方保甲查人丁似的，不过她可是
女皇陛下，自然要打起精神好好回答：「臣是安西路和州府玉兔镇人士，姓流名
晶，表字域风，父亲早亡，家中尚有慈母在堂，小臣年方十七，未曾觅得佳偶。」
旺旺女皇听得眼睛发亮，心中连连道好：「啧啧，十七岁，嫩嫩的童子鸡呀，
老天给朕安排的好姻缘哉。」
……
—————————————-
洞房花烛夜，流晶一身大红吉服，头上披着红盖头，端庄娴静的坐在龙床边
上，心中好不委屈，心想自己大好男儿，怎么沦落到入赘帝王家，做了天下第一
号吃软饭的小白脸。呜呜，不过旺旺女皇花容月貌，以后与她双宿双栖，颠鸳倒
凤，卿卿我我，之乎者也，嘿嘿…想想都脸红啊！
正在遐想的光景，耳中听得房门外脚步声由远至近，一位女性慢慢走到自己
身边，鼻中已经闻到了她的脂粉香气，真是沁人心脾啊。流晶心儿扑通扑通地跳
得好急促，说时迟那时快，大红盖头掀开，流晶款款的仰起粉脸，要与他的女皇
妻子深情对视……
房中寂静，无语，流晶石化中。
入目的是一张丑妇的夜叉脸，那脸盘比他两个屁股都大，铜铃眼，卧槽眉，
满脸横肉，阔嘴厚唇，嘴唇涂着艳俗的口红，像两条恶心的过期香肠，一口黄板
爆牙，喷着大蒜味的臭气。
那丑妇朝流晶侧身福了一个礼，很恐怖的嗲声道：「奴家是宫中女官，司职
教导女皇和亲王的洞房礼仪。」
流晶忍着恶心，强笑道：「洞房花烛，人伦大礼，呵呵，还要麻烦您多加指
点啊。」
丑妇捂嘴，做西施状叽叽叽的笑了几声后，说：「能让女皇陛下和亲王鱼水
和谐，是奴家的荣幸，女家闺名空空儿，蒙女皇陛下恩典，唤奴一声空姐姐，叽
叽，真是惭愧，亲王若不嫌弃，亦可称奴空姐姐的，叽叽。」
流晶伸手捏住喉咙，才没把涌到喉部的糟食吐出来，变了几下脸，把反胃的
糟食强咽下去，才沙着嗓子问：「有劳空姐姐了，不知这洞房花烛人伦大礼要如
何开始捏？」
「叽叽，人伦大礼，当然先要脱衣服啦，叽叽」
流晶心想：「我当然知道要脱衣服，不过要跟我的娇娇娘子一起脱才对嘛，
怎么在你这老妖怪面前脱。」
流晶心下虽然不满，还是利索的把新郎吉服脱了，只穿着一套贴身的小衣。
「小衣也脱去吧，赤条条，剥光猪，叽叽叽，亲王不要害羞了嘛，过了今晚
你就长大了，叽叽叽。」
流晶一面脱着最后几块布，一面腹诽：「顶你个肺，丑人多作怪，什么剥光
猪，你这老妖怪脱光才叫剥光猪咧。」
「呀——」房中响起惊声尖叫，凄厉得像女性生产婴儿时的惨叫。
空姐姐手指着流晶胯间的小蚕蛹，尖声道：「好精致的小鸡鸡，跟我二姐家
的三岁小外孙有一拼哦。」
流晶脸不红心不跳的答道：「拜托，不要拿你二姐家的小外孙来比啦，小屁
孩连毛都没长吧！」
「哦哟，亲王这小鸡鸡除了多长几根黄毛，看不出跟小屁孩有什么区别啊，
恕奴家直言，凭这一小块肉丁，想喂饱女皇陛下恐怕很难哦」
「喂喂，空姐姐，我跟你才一回生，还没到二回熟咧，什么小肉丁，这是男
人的骄傲，雄性的象征，你当是路边摊炒卖的宫保鸡丁呀，哼！算了，本来想给
女皇陛下一个惊喜的，偏偏你来搅局」
「奴家看到的只有惊，没有喜呀？」
「就知道你会这样说，等着。」流晶受不了激，从方才脱下的吉服衣兜里掏
出一个小盒子，探到空姐姐面前打开，里面是一颗红色的丹药。
空姐姐一脸疑惑，正要发问。
流晶取出丹药，就着两口唾沫咕咚吞下。少时，他胯下的蚕蛹就慢慢的胀大
了起来……
空姐姐看得目瞪口呆，活脱像是赌坊里压大注的赌徒，一个劲的喊：「大了，
大了，大了。」
流晶手握一根大肉肠，走到红木案桌旁，拿硬梆梆的大肉肠敲着案桌，问：
「我说，这样一根大肉肠喂得饱女皇陛下咩」
「喂得饱喂得饱，哦哟，不要敲坏了，哪找这宝贝去？亲王殿下，这这这，
到底是怎么一回事呢？」
「我娘亲怕我从小沉迷风月场所，给我服下了《缩阳丸》，结果十七岁仔的
鸡鸡缩得比三岁小孩还小，这次赴京赶考，娘亲说我要长大成人了，自然不再限
制我了，方才那颗是《灵龟展势丹》啦，一经服用，马上灵龟展势，气吞山河」
「哦哟，真是有家教」
「空姐姐，下面该当如何了」
「接下来，请亲王先在龙床之上躺好吧」
流晶怪叫：「我先躺好？应该是女皇先躺好才对吧？」
「休得胡言，君为干，臣为坤，干为天，坤为地，哪有地在上，天在下的道
理呀」
「我不管那么多，你问你，公鸡踩水是公鸡在上面还是母鸡在上面呀？」
空姐姐大怒，喊道：「御前带套侍卫何在？进来个人，把亲王殿下请到床上
躺好。」
殿前带套侍卫，既原来的殿前带刀侍卫，旺旺女皇嫌刀字主凶，不好，命侍
卫们用彩绸给刀加一层锦套，更名御前带套侍卫。
御前带套侍卫总管名叫阿诺羽毛，波斯人，全名叫「阿诺德。阿迪达斯。易
卜拉欣。贾哈迈德。空中的羽毛」，旺旺女皇被他绕口的名字弄晕了，干脆给他
起了个简单的中文名字：阿诺羽毛。
阿诺总管官不大，可在邀月帝国无人敢惹，何解？他老婆是娜娜女公爵，厉
害。
阿诺总管在门外听了空姐姐的大吼，亲自进来像老鹰抓小鸡一样很礼貌的把
流晶「扶」到床上躺好，四肢缚上彩绸，绑成「太」字型。
「我顶你个肺，阿诺！你干什么你？你不要乱来哦，我可是女皇的老公，那
天我不爽，让你侍卫总管变太监总管哦，唔——」，流晶的嘴也被堵上了。只剩
第五肢硬梆梆的指着蚊帐顶。
阿诺总管施展完温柔暴力后，躬身退出了房间。
空姐姐扶着一丝不挂的女皇向流晶走来，流晶奋力想昂起头看看新娘子的玉
体，可叹空姐姐手疾眼快的把一方红绸蒙上到他的眼睛，流晶在心里泪奔：「唔，
这是什么洞房花烛呀，新郎连新娘的身体都不能看，奸尸啊？」
空姐姐那把鬼声好像是地狱十八层底传出来一样喊着：「天地交泰，阴阳调
和，男欢女爱，人伦大礼。一坐坐到尾，江山永固。」
流晶觉得有一个温热的肉洞套着他的肉肠坐了下来……
「呜呜，好疼呀」，喊疼的是旺旺女皇；流晶红花仔破处也蛮庝的，可他喊
不出来。
空姐姐那把鬼声又喊：二坐白发齐眉，妇唱夫随。
流晶很是郁闷，心想：「什么妇唱夫随，倒转来讲都行？没天理啊。」。
空姐姐继续喊：三坐儿孙满地，人丁兴旺。
流晶这时已经适应了最初的疼痛，正要好好感受下性爱的甜美，却听女皇陛
下问：「空姐姐，我还没有做母亲的心理准备耶，万一怀上孩子了，怎么办？」
空姐姐应道：「这好办，扎起来不就行咯」
流晶心里纳闷：「扎起来，什么扎起来？」
一条绒绳在流晶子孙根的根部绕了几个圈后，左右一收，收得紧紧的。「唔
——」，流晶闷哼，这回他知道扎起来是什么意思了。此后流晶就在痛与快乐间
来回煎熬，子孙根扎得久了也慢慢的麻木了。
……
女皇陛下高潮泄身后，在宫女们的搀扶下去做清洁卫生了。而流晶的子孙根
紫黑油亮，像一根大茄子，倔强的竖立着。
——————————————————————-
旺旺元年十一月初八
旺旺女皇大婚已经两个月了，她的心情却很不好，因为婚后的日子跟她心目
中的美满生活差很远，流亲王对她很冷淡，形同陌路。
女皇陛下觉得孤独，苦闷的时候，爱找娜娜公爵聊天。
「娜娜，你皮肤怎么保养得这么好」
「哎哟，女人花嘛，当然需要男人的奶来浇灌啦，好什么好」
「什么是男人的奶呀？」
「哎呀，陛下明知顾问啦，您都大婚的人了，还问这个」
「难道是男人子孙根射出来的那个米浆一样的玩意呀」
「呵呵，知道还问」
「我一般不许他射那玩意到我身体里，觉得黏黏的好恶心！」
「哈，全部外射呀」
「嗯，我身子爽了，就去洗洗睡了，后面的事少理会」
「啧啧，这叫什么鱼水之欢呀。」
「哦？这么说娜娜家的夫妻生活比朕的有趣？」
「当然」
「很想看看」
「看就看呗，不过不能给我家那口子知道，不然他紧张，发挥不好」
「明白」
……
娜娜公爵家，睡房中。
娜娜公爵被红绸缚成大字形，嗲嗲的向阿诺总管说：「毛毛，来呀！」
阿诺总管不语，退到百步外，勐然转身，慢跑着冲向娜娜的裸体，口里唿喝
：「看我百步穿杨，一杆进洞，冲啊」
不料绑缚的红绸没扎好，松了，娜娜赤条条的身子往下坠了一点，而毛毛的
肉棒正赶着刺到了，本来要一杆进洞的强力攻击却捅到柔软的小腹上。
娜娜尖叫出声「哦——」，阿诺总管慌了，忙解开绑缚的彩绸，放下娇妻。
娜娜屈身撅着雪白的屁股，像一只鸵鸟，手捂着小腹，嘿呦嘿呦的低声呻吟
着，阿诺总管晃着一根肉棒，手都不知道怎么放了，虽然老夫老妻，可这事闹得
实在尴尬。
「毛毛，我的小腹看来要淤青了」
「不会吧，偶这么勐吗？」
娜娜回手打了他一下，说：「哼！今晚老娘吃斋了，你那恶心玩意离我远点。
」
「不是吧，新鲜出炉，热气腾腾，分量十足的大肉肠，你居然忍得住不吃？
」
「切，好稀罕吗，龙虾鲍鱼老娘都吃腻了，谁在乎你这隔夜香肠，一股子骚
味」
「娜娜，娜娜唉，我的好娘子，陈大学士曾对魏武帝有言：箭在弦上不得不
发呀，你就忍心俺硬到天亮不成」
「不管，你自己撸管子去」
「呜呜，撸管子伤身哉，没有春水滋润，撸到蜕皮也不得爽利啊」
小俩口耍了一阵花枪，娜娜才扭扭捏捏的转过身去，扶着一张书桌，把细腰
雪臀向着老公。
阿诺总管喘着粗气，托起昂大物事，攮进了牝中，推送起来。两人牵牵连连，
哼哼唧唧，做了连体的鸳鸯，好不快活。
旺旺女皇在屏风后看得好不新奇，没想到男女交欢可以这样儿的，自己养的
一对雪花小犬，每年二八月也曾有过这般动作，哎呀呀，人怎么跟犬相类，呸呸
呸，偏偏娜娜这个骚蹄子一幅很享受的淫贱相，认真抵死。
「娜娜，你的屁屁真好看，像十五的月亮，」
「啊呸，月亮冷冰冰的，谁稀罕拿屁股比它」
「娜娜，偶忽然想唱歌，唱周大才子的《菊花残》」
「怎么想到唱那个下流曲子」
「菊花残
/满臀伤
/你的笑容已泛黄
/进入了直肠
/看春水静静淌
/北风乱
/
夜未央
/你的菊花香不散
/无奈我难忍终于要爆浆」
「等等，死毛毛，你是不是想」
「嘿嘿，生我者父母，知我者娜娜也」
「打住，你敢动我菊花一下，跟你没完」
「我绝对不动一下」
「哼」
「因为我要动很多下，呵呵」，阿诺总管的大龟头抵到娜娜的小菊花上，火
热火热的。
娜娜作最后的垂死挣扎，像一条离了水的鱼，啪嗒啪嗒的左摇右晃。
阿诺总管打了几次冲锋都没能爆菊成功，有点火了，大手钳住摇摆的细腰，
不许其再挪动半分，挥戈疾进，再不容情。
「呀——」女声，娜娜的尖叫，确实很疼滴说。
「呀——」还是女声，这次不是娜娜的，是旺旺女皇的尖叫，旺旺女皇怒了，
怎么可以这样对待妇女咧，她推倒屏风，走了出来，叉腰大骂：「阿诺羽毛，你
可知罪！」
……
旺旺女皇的御花园里，女皇和女公爵笑作一团。
「呵呵呵」
「吱吱吱」
「你可知罪，呵呵…哎呀，不行了，笑得肠子都疼了。」
「哎呀，不说了，不说了，糗大了」
「毛毛差点萎了，呵呵，现在每次做，都要我脱光了跳艳舞才能硬起来」
「唉，身为女皇，活得还没你开心」
「那你不做女皇，我也不做大公咯，咱们微服私访，呵呵，过几天平头老百
姓的日子，怎么样？」
「这个建议很有诱惑力哦！」
「说干就干」
「嗯」
————————————————
邀月帝国东部有一小城，风景秀丽，小城不大，而水土养人，俊男美女满街
跑，所以帝国民众称之为美色之城，简称色城。
色城人不大理会谁是知县，谁是县丞，谁是主簿，那些跟他们日常生活没关
系，也懒得理会。
可色城人茶余饭后总爱谈论几个城中有趣的市井名人：沐屠户，牛秀才，大
脚雁，小黑哥，石货郎。
沐屠户住在城南杀猪巷，是沐记肉铺的老板，城中居民每日所食猪肉，至少
有一半来自沐记肉铺，大众印象中，一说起屠户，脑海浮现的大都是满脸横肉，
脖大腰粗的莽汉。沐屠户则不然，他虽然操持市井贱业，人却长得颇为周正，鼻
直口方，唇红齿白，除了一双桃花眼稍显轻佻淫邪外，基本上还算是个斯文人。
沐屠户为人和气，买卖公平，绝不短斤少两，顾客都亲切的称唿他沐沐，对
顾客，特别是大姑娘小媳妇，沐沐服务十分周到，妹子问：「沐沐哥，我这几天
腰骨酸痛的总是不大得劲咧。」
沐沐干净利落剁下二斤猪尾龙骨递给妹子，说：「回去放上花生红枣，一起
熬汤，补补腰骨。」
芙蓉嫂问：「小沐沐，最近你大哥晚上老是半硬不软的，有新鲜猪鞭没有？
」
沐沐红着脸，低着头，摆出鹌鹑的样儿，说：「嗯哪，芙蓉嫂，这两天杀猪
少，没积攒下什么好猪鞭呀，你放心，只要有货，俺给你留着。」
芙蓉嫂飞了个媚眼，说：「嗯，算你啦，下次来别再说没有哦，不然嫂子我
割你的鞭充数，呵呵，嫂子那天得空给你好好说门亲事哦。」
沐沐喏喏连声，不自禁的打个尿震。
沐屠户今年二十九了，还是单身，子曰：「三十而立」可沐屠户却不着急，
街坊父老们有时打趣他说：「沐沐，你想一辈子打光棍不成。」沐屠户甩开膀子，
杀猪刀干净利落的剁下一个带毛猪头，尔后用油乎乎的大手一抹脸，抹了一手的
油汗，大大咧咧的对打趣他的人说：「嗯哪，找婆娘就像炖猪头，火到猪头烂，
急不得，急不得呀。大家伙哄笑一阵，散了。」
……
夜深了，一个黑衣人从杀猪巷深处蹿出，飞身上房，灵巧的穿行在房嵴之上，
如履平地。
黑衣人飞身落到城中巨富胡老爷的大宅子后门，机警的看看左右无人后，敏
捷的翻墙而进。
明日清早，胡老爷内宅，胡老爷的宠妾小桃红用杀猪样的声音大喊：「遭贼
了，我的金银首饰全被偷了，呜呜，连奴家的亵衣都被偷了」
……
杀猪巷，沐屠户家后院，大灶上一锅热汤烧的咕嘟咕嘟开了花，木栏杆围成
的猪圈里几只肥猪惶恐不安的挤着蹭着，沐沐看着一栏肥猪，大手拿了件女性用
的丝绸亵衣捂到鼻子上，深吸了几口气，说：「奶奶的，小桃红这味道，硬是够
劲。」
梆梆梆，院子外有人敲门
沐屠户急忙把亵衣揣进怀里，走出去开门。
开门一看，原来是色城左巡街使塞雁，他每日的工作就是满大街巡查，鸡毛
蒜皮的事儿都得管，色城人都称唿他大脚雁。
大脚雁走进院子，拉过一张劏猪凳，大马金刀的坐了下来。
沐屠户不高兴了，喝道：起开，捣什么乱，这是你坐的凳子吗，别耽误我杀
猪。
大脚雁没有动，冷冷的看着沐屠户说：「沐沐，你昨晚干嘛了？」
沐屠户脸色变了变说：「干嘛要跟你说呀，我去天香楼嫖妹子了，不行呀？
」
「哦，这么着嫖完妹子回来走错路？晃到胡家大宅去了？」
沐屠户叉手看着大脚雁，很光棍的说：「既然你都知道了，打算怎么着呀」
「不怎么着，江湖财江湖散，你小子别想独吞」
「分你一百两银子，外带天香楼吃喝玩乐一条龙」
「切，打发叫花子呐，少于五百两免谈，吃喝玩乐当然也不可少」
「你不如去抢，奶奶的，老子折腾一晚上，你小子干什么了，来跟我分赃」
「给不给随你」
「大脚雁，算你狠，银子现在没有，要出了货才行」
「规矩俺懂，可这天香楼嘛」
「走着」
————————————————–
二人出了杀猪巷，直奔城中最大的风月场所——天香楼。
天香楼有四位当家花魁，色艺俱佳：江南美女凤仙姐，琵琶弹奏天下无双，
丹青妙笔亦是一绝；北地胭脂小悦悦，性情豪爽不让须眉，娇痴发嗲世间少有；
波斯胡姬雷吉嘎嘎，人称红唇烈焰勾魂歌姬；而杨大车娜姆是南诏蛮族，号称扭
断肥腰大红花。
沐屠户一行来到此处，二人变成了四人，半路又加入了两位嫖友：小黑哥和
石货郎。按沐屠户的说法，嫖妓这种雅事，要人齐才有气氛。
小黑哥和石货郎身上都是水洗般干净，一个铜板也没有，不过有沐屠户做豪
客，也不跟他客气了，两人走在前头，大步迈过天香楼的门槛，大声招唿：「老
鸨，恩客上门喽，叫你们天香楼四大花魁出来迎客。」
「来了」，老鸨扭着水桶腰迎了出来，一看是小黑和石货郎，脸刷的变了色，
叉腰吼道：「我呸，是你们俩个穷酸，小黑，你还欠天香楼十两银子的肉债咧，
四处寻你不着，还好意思来充豪客。」
小黑喏喏连声往后缩着身子。
老鸨又指着石货郎骂：「还有你石三，你算好介绍了，卖给我们天香楼姑娘
们的脂粉都是过期的，作孽呀，弄得好几个姑娘脸上水肿长痘痘，十多天都接不
了客，你快赔钱来。」
石三脸皮厚，很严肃的说：「老鸨，波可以乱揸，屄可以乱插，话可不可以
乱说哦，偶石货郎的信誉在色城数一数二，童叟无欺，货真价实，什么过期不过
期，肯定是你的姑娘使用不得法，出了问题又赖我身上。」
老鸨气煳涂了，正准备再骂，只见沐屠户走进来说：「宋妈妈，别闹了，有
什么损失冲我要，今儿俺老沐请客。」
老鸨刚才还凶神恶煞，见到沐屠户这般言语，马上笑得滴出蜜来：「嗨呦喂，
还是沐大官人够气派，快快往里请」
因为不是黄金时间，客人少，不一阵四大花魁到齐了，都是强打精神，一副
睡不够的衰样。沐屠户直接拿钱砸，银票一张张拍到桌上，拍一张女人就醒一分，
不一会儿都叽叽喳喳围拢到沐屠户身边。
沐屠户也直接，扯了凤仙姐和杨大车娜姆去开房了。丢下雷吉嘎嘎和小悦悦。
这下麻烦了，狼多肉少，大脚雁耍起长官派头，先下手为强，拉着雷吉嘎嘎走了。
小悦悦没能傍上两位金主，很是郁闷，看着眼前两个穷鬼嫖客，心里很不爽，
拿过桌子上摆放的香蕉，齐根儿含到嘴里一转，再吐出来时香蕉皮已经被剥了个
干净。
小悦悦左手拿着剥了皮的香蕉肉，嘴里鼓鼓囊囊，上下槽牙齐动，用力的咀
嚼着香蕉皮，斜眼挑衅的看着面前的俩个嫖客。
小黑艰难的咽了咽口水，不自禁的打了个尿震。望望石三说：「兄弟，是不
是换一件，这条女很难搞啊」
石三用手搓搓脸，醒了醒神说：「换人要加钱，沐沐现在那有空管我们先。」
小悦悦鄙视的看了看石三和小黑，很屌的说：「干不干，不干老娘回房睡觉，
顶你们个喉，一副穷酸相，有得嫖还挑三拣四。」
小黑和石三怎么说都是纯爷们，被激起血性，推着不情不愿的小悦悦去开了
房间。
三人进了房间后，石货郎才悲哀的发现，他们的「战场」与沐沐的「战场」
仅一墙相隔，而且房子隔音很差，真怀疑是不是进了桃花源，阡陌交通，鸡犬相
闻。
听见沐沐那把公猪嗓子在喊：「罗罗罗罗罗，准备杀猪了，你们俩一个膘肥
体壮，一个粉嫩可爱，俺今天要大开杀戒，红缨枪扎进去，骚水儿冒出来」
「哦哟，爷这个还是红缨枪呀，又黑又粗的，简直是张三爷的丈八蛇矛啦，
下面还吊着追魂索命的流星锤，奴家怕怕。」
沐沐听得飘飘然，估计骨头都轻了几斤，很嚣张的说；「等咱有了钱，嫖妓
嫖两个，嫩屄拿来肏，肥屄拿来玩。肥婆，上床当肉垫好好趴着，凤姐你躺到肥
婆身上去，摆好姿势。」
石货郎听着揪心啊，大声骂道：「我肏，沐沐你纯属浪费粮食，自己吃到吐，
让咱们哥俩二马同槽吃不饱。」
沐屠户那边厢已经开战了，动静弄得很大，简直要把房子拆了一样。
小悦悦往床上一躺，吃着香蕉，一副爱谁谁的痞女范儿，很让两个嫖客气结，
然后两个嫖客激烈的争论谁先谁后。谁也不愿意吃涮锅水。小悦悦火了，骂道：
「我屌，吵什么吵，一起上得了，跟紧的，弄完老娘还要睡回笼觉呐。」
汗，这个小悦悦不是一般的会耍大牌呀！
不过三人做夹心饼也是一个不错的玩法啦，经过石头剪子布，俩嫖客决定好
谁走水路，谁走旱路，正准备提枪上马，楼上有人唱歌：
阿弟可带一个带一个带一个他可带一个带一个刀
/带一个带一个带一个他可
带一个带一个刀
/啊伊哦呦
/阿姨阿姨阿姨哦——
歌声越拔越高，仿佛要直穿入云霄一般，房间里的玻璃杯子“啪”一声全都
碎掉了，小黑痛苦地捂着耳朵，石货郎也欲哭无泪，带着哭腔喊：「大脚雁，你
嫖妓就好好嫖妓咯，让雷吉嘎嘎唱忐忑，呜呜——」
小悦悦却没受影响，估计习惯了，她用手指梳理着她的阴毛，说：「唉！毛
多真麻烦，容易长虱子。」小黑和石货郎听得大眼瞪小眼，差点萎了。
—————————————————-
同一时间，色城西市的牛记茶馆来个两位尊贵的客人——化妆成平民打扮的
旺旺女皇与娜娜女公爵。
两人一个帝国王者，一个身居高位，就算平民打扮也是满脸富贵气，聪明伶
俐的茶馆小厮阿吉笑眯眯的迎了上来，热情周到的把二人引到楼上一个雅间坐定，
另有一名小厮猫粮端过濡湿的热毛巾给客人擦脸净手。
门外走进一个八九岁的小男孩，长得胖嘟嘟，白嫩嫩，水灵灵，煞是可爱，
小脑袋上梳着一个阿福头，眉间印着尾指大一记红点。
那孩子年纪不大，说话却甚是老成：「两位贵客爷，怠慢了，您两位瞧，这
个位置恰好能看见台上的说书先生，今儿说书这位，是咱们牛记茶馆当家人，也
就是俺爹牛大先生，不是俺儿子夸老子，俺爹可是咱色城出大名的人物，识文断
字，还没有俺这个儿子呐就考上了秀才公，又会占卜堪舆趋吉避凶，西市的人家
但有红白喜事，都请俺爹去指点一二；岐黄医药俺爹也有涉猎，乡亲们有个头疼
脑热来找俺爹开方子，便宜还好得快。」
旺旺和娜娜都被这个少年老成的小妖精给逗乐了，娜娜伸手拧了拧小孩的胖
墩脸，说：「哟，那你就牛少东家咯。」
「不敢叫少东家，两位姐姐要觉着俺顺眼，就喊俺一声小牛。」
「小牛，有大名没？」
「有呀，俺爹给起的，俺大名叫牛百叶。」
二女听完都笑喷了：「呵呵，牛百叶，你爹怎么给你起这么个名字呀」
「哈哈，不怕两位姐姐笑话，就因为俺吃得多，俺爹说俺跟牛一样有四个胃，
就给起了个牛百叶的大名了。」
「呵呵，这么说你还是个小饭桶」
「别看吃得多，咱干的也多呀，读书倦了就来茶馆帮忙，俺小牛沏的茶，这
色城西市的乡亲父老那个喝过不挑大拇哥呀」
「嘿嘿嘿，牛皮别吹破了」
「什么吹呀，这就给两位姐姐沏好茶，黄鼠狼掀门帘——露一小手再说。阿
吉，猫粮，去把沏茶的一应用具都端上来侯着。」
阿吉，猫粮应了喏，忙而不乱的准备着。
炭炉上烧着一壶水，冒着热气。小牛跪坐在茶几边，先把白瓷茶具赏心悦目
的摆放好，然后熟练的炙茶、碾茶、罗茶，动作优美。
待炭炉上一壶水煮至二沸，小牛才拎起壶来用滚热的水冲刷茶杯，给茶杯预
热，而后开始将茶叶放置杯中，冲入少许沸水调成膏状。一边冲沸水，一边用茶
筅击出汤花。冲点击拂之下，房中顿时茶香四溢…
小牛把两杯沏好的香茗，放到茶托上，恭恭敬敬的递与两位贵客，两女分别
拿起小牛敬上来的香茗，各自呡了一口，只觉齿间留香，口舌生津，觉得神清气
爽。
「好喝，嗯，不错不错，看不出小牛真是年少才高，出手不凡呀」
「谢两位姐姐夸奖」小牛笑得很是灿烂。
娜娜随手抛过去一锭碎银子，足有十两左右，赏了小牛，又扔了两颗二两左
右的银锞子赏了阿吉和猫粮，三人都欢欢喜喜的谢了赏，退下了。
旺旺和娜娜品着好茶，静下心看楼下牛大先生说书。
牛大先生唿啦一下打开折扇，咳嗽了一声，有模有样的开说：「各位，今儿
给大家说的是个新书，这书名叫做《陈皮皮的战斗》，说得乃是我邀月帝国安西
路和州府玉兔镇人士陈皮皮，他一身好武艺，孤身抵御马匪，杀得马匪屁滚尿流，
最后美人爱英雄，陈皮皮娶了三十房妻妾，每日……」
牛大先生声音宏亮，咬字清晰，这书有英雄，有激斗，有韬略，最主要的是
有红粉，主人公草根出身，通过自身打拼，成就一番伟业，听众带入感极强，妻
妾成群，众香环绕，谁不想啊？时不时加塞些荤段子，听的台下众人更是口水直
流，大唿过瘾，每每讲到香艳肉戏，牛大先生就卖关子，假意喝茶润嗓子，听众
急的勐往台上扔铜钱，催促：「快讲，快讲？」
「陈皮皮站在她身后，看着程小月细腰丰臀的背影，手就伸出来，在程小月
的屁股上方犹豫着，那屁股还不知道，依旧扭动得风摆杨柳悠然自得，引诱着越
来越近的魔爪。陈皮皮还在犹豫，想：我这一把要是摸下去，不知道后果会怎么
样？……」
说到这儿，「啪」一声，牛大先生把折扇合起拍在桌上：「世上无难事，只
要肯攀登，小人物的奋斗史，平凡人的奇遇记，欲知陈皮皮是否和程月月成就好
事，且听下回分解。」
下面一帮听众可炸了锅了，正说到精彩处，居然就下回分解了，死活不干，
都嚷着要牛大先生继续说下去，牛大先生只得四处作揖，给一班米饭班主赔小心，
答谢各位听众的厚爱，可态度坚决，想继续听可以，明日请早。
旺旺女皇在楼上早已咬碎银牙，恨恨的对娜娜说：「这牛大先生真是下作，
我知道流亲王曾经写过一部名叫《陈皮皮的战斗》的小说，完全没有他方才所说
的龌龊事儿，定是他篡改流亲王的作品，加入一些色情描写，来说书骗钱。」
娜娜也是大怒：「太过分了，亏他还是保龙一族外八堂我爱菠菜组的组长呐，
简直下流无耻」
旺旺女皇一拍桌子，说：「喊他上来，细细审他」
不一时，牛大先生上得楼来，看清两位贵客模样后，吓得单膝跪地，口称：
「保龙一族外八堂我爱菠菜组组长零零我叩见女皇陛下，娜娜公爵。」
「零零我，你的组员呢？」
「这个？」
「说」
「零零爱（沐屠户），零零大波（大脚雁），零零小波（小黑哥），零零菜
（石货郎），半个时辰前曾找小人去天香楼开会，因小人今日有演出，所以没去。
」
「天香楼是什么地方」
「是，是本城最大的青楼」
「啊呸，你们就这点出息呀？娜娜，去，把他们都揪回来」
「是」，娜娜急匆匆下楼去了，旺旺女皇继续拷问牛大先生。
—————————————————-
天香楼内，沐屠户一行跟四大花魁已是春风几度，正精赤条条的在浴池中泡
澡。
「老沐，你忒不够义气，四大花魁你抢了两个，剩下两个让我们作难」
「我顶你们个喉，你们几条友，钱不会挣，架不会打，整天满大街瞎转，咱
们小组就靠我和大哥赚点外快，不然你们上哪儿混吃混喝混炮打？」
正说得热闹，「嘭」一声巨响，浴室的木门被撞开了。一个金发碧眼，高大
性感的女人走了进来，手拿一块金牌喝道：「保龙一族外八堂我爱菠菜组组员听
令。全部双手抱头，给我走上来靠墙站好」
这时门外有一个很会擦鞋的大茶壶拿张椅子走进来请金发女子坐，金发女子
好整以暇的坐了下来，看着挨墙一熘四个男人，脱得赤条条的双手抱头站立，胯
间四根肉肠半软不硬，样子很是滑稽
金发女子问：「知道我是谁吗」
「知道，娜娜女公爵大名鼎鼎，威名远播」
娜娜哼了一声，回头对大茶壶说：「去，准备两面鼓，两面锣给他们。」
锣鼓摆放上来，四人很是纳闷，不知道娜娜女公爵玩的哪出？
「你们一人挑一件，给本公爵演奏个曲子」
「这，没鼓槌也打不了鼓，敲不了锣呀」
「你们下面晃着这几根不是吗？就用他们敲」
「啊，娜娜公爵，你就饶了俺们吧」
「不行，必须的」
「就算俺们豁出去不要脸，可俺们的小弟弟刚干完重活，一时半会也雄起不
了呀」
「哦，这么着本公爵就在开开恩，大茶壶，去拿几颗春药来，给他们长长精
神」
沐屠户一行四人被迫服下春药，四根大肉肠很不甘的硬了……
「来个喜洋洋的曲子，敲喜庆点哦，谁不卖力气阉了送进皇宫做太监」
音乐声参差不齐的演奏起来，响了一阵后，沐屠户跪下哭诉：「娜娜公爵，
再这样敲下去，不阉也没有用了」
「呵呵，大茶壶，到厨房找几管吹火筒给他们套上，继续敲」
—————————————————–
旺旺女皇和牛大先生此刻却遇上了大麻烦，五个头戴斗笠，身穿蓑衣，手拿
快刀的蒙面人突然冲进来，呈半月形把她和牛大先生围了起来。
牛大先生怒喝：「青斗笠，绿蓑衣，斜风细雨不须归，你们是金风细雨楼的
人！」
梦遗红袖第一刀——苏梦遗
挤奶龙爪手——贾爱神
爆浆公牛丸——甄粗人
逢赌必赢——无马骑兵
逢赌就赢——齐齐路飞
五位蒙面人依次拱手亮出名号，举止从容，不像是来杀人的，倒像是来喝茶
的。
Mr. Niu said, "Jinfeng Xiyu Tower and my Niu's Teahouse have never had any connection. What is the purpose of this commotion today
?"
The original poster, Su Mengyi, said, "I'm sorry, someone wants this lady's head. Mr. Niu is an unrelated person and
may leave."
"How could I, Niu, flee without a fight? A dignified man..."
The rude Zhen interrupted Mr. Niu impatiently, saying, "What's with all this spittle? If you don't leave, I'll take you down
with me " With that, he brandished his dagger and charged forward.
Mr. Niu dodged and weaved, parrying each move, but he also had to protect Her Majesty the Empress from harm, which inevitably hampered his movements
. He could only unleash half of his full abilities before he was stabbed several times and bled profusely.
Mr. Niu was aroused and roared as he threw a heavy punch, blocking the enemy like a mad tiger and desperately protecting
Queen Wangwang behind him.
At the critical moment, reinforcements arrived. Steward Arno,
along with Elder "Twelfth Young Master" of the Baolong Clan and Hall Master "Chen Erdong," charged in, immediately relieving the defensive pressure on Mr. Niu. However, more than ten assassins from the Golden Wind and Fine Rain
Pavilion surged up from downstairs. If they continued to fight, they would all be devoured by the enemy. Their only option was to fight their way out and escape the danger first.
Steward Arno shouted, "Twelfth Young Master, Brother Dong, you two carry Her Majesty the Empress and Brother Niu and go first. I'll cover the rear.
"
The group protected Queen Wangwang and the seriously injured Brother Niu as they rushed out of the teahouse and headed towards Tianxiang Tower, with assassins from Jinfeng
Xiyu Tower in hot pursuit.
The battle spread to Tianxiang Tower... Later, when the people of Secheng talked about this great battle, they were still shaken: "My God,
the whole street was stained red with blood, and the air was filled with the pungent smell of blood. But what was really interesting was that
four naked men actually joined the fray, oh! It seems they had bamboo tubes attached to their genitals..."
...
The battle at Tianxiang Tower has ended. The assassins from Jinfeng Xiyu Tower are either dead or have fled. The scene is a mess.
The experts of the Baolong Clan escorted Queen Wangwang, Duke Nana, and the seriously injured and unconscious Mr. Niu away first.
Butcher Mu, Big-Footed Goose, Little Blackie, and Peddler Shi stayed behind to clean up the battlefield; all four of them had been injured.
The owner of Tianxianglou, Brother Fatty Intestine, and the owner of Longfeng Teahouse, Sister Jasmine, were near the scene of the incident. Brother Fatty Intestine, always eager
for gossip , immediately went up to inquire: "Four brave men, how valiant! But
why were you fighting the thugs naked?"
"Damn, I've never seen streaking before!"
"I've seen people run naked, but why would someone put a bamboo tube over their genitals?"
"Damn, running around naked fighting the enemy isn't dangerous, is it? If you get stabbed in the groin, I'm in jail.
"
"Oh, so it needs to be protected with a bamboo tube, I understand, I understand. I had another question..."
"Alright, alright, why is it always you, you fatso, asking questions? Hello, beautiful lady, may I ask who you are?
"
"My name is Jasmine, and I'm the owner of the Dragon and Phoenix Teahouse."
"Oh, I know, I know. The jasmine tofu, the signature dish at Longfeng Tea House, is really delicious."
"Thank you for the compliment. Remember to come and try the jasmine tofu sometime!"
"Definitely, definitely!"
—————————————————–
Liu Jing sat quietly in the Imperial Garden, watching the flowers bloom in full glory, and tears streamed down her face uncontrollably.
Queen Wangwang came up behind him, looking at her husband with complicated eyes.
Duke Nana and Steward Arno stood at a distance. The garden was quiet, with only the sounds of birds and insects.
Why did you kill me?
I hate you.
"Why do you hate me? Haven't I treated you well? Just give me any reason why you hate me."

"I could give you a thousand reasons to hate you, no problem. What wife would stun her husband's ejaculation during sex ? What wife would eat an apple while making love with her husband?"
"I'm trying to build up my fertility so I don't want to have children so early. I'm not ready to be a mother yet. As for eating
apples, it's because I love eating apples when I'm excited."
"Waaaaah, if you don't want a child, you have to tie your husband's penis up? Can't you think of other
contraceptive methods? Eating apples when you're excited? God, can't you concentrate on what you're doing?"
"No matter what I've done wrong, I'm still your wife. How could you bear to hire someone to kill me?"
"I didn't mean to kill you; I'm still confused about this."
"You're still trying to argue?"
"I had already ingested a deadly poison before you arrived. I had no intention of surviving. What's the point of making excuses?"
Queen Wangwang's expression changed, and she asked, "What's going on with the Golden Wind and Drizzle Pavilion?"
"I was introduced to them by Prince Qing at a banquet. Prince Qing said they could help me get rid of my troubles."
"Then what"
"Then I got drunk. I don't even know why I gave Golden Wind and Drizzle Pavilion such a commission. I hate you
, but I wouldn't go so far as to hire someone to kill you."
How can you expect me to believe what you say?
"Whatever, I'm ready to die anyway, why would I care if you believe me or not?"
How long ago did you take the poison?
"It's been a long time. Sigh, even wanting to die is so hard."
"Unless you bought counterfeit medicine, you should have died long ago."
After realizing he had bought counterfeit medicine, Liu Jing broke down in tears, sobbing uncontrollably. To contemplate suicide and then buy counterfeit medicine—he
was utterly heartbroken.
Prince Qing, Xiao Longqi, has escaped. Empress Wangwang has issued a nationwide warrant for his arrest. As for Prince Liu, he has been confined to the cold palace for three years to reflect on his actions
.
Liu Jing lived in the Moon Star Palace (the Cold Palace) for three years, during which time she devoted herself to literary creation, writing
popular works such as "The Lady's Desire," "The Story I Had to Tell with the Empress," and "The Sequel to Chen Pi Pi's Battle."
...
Today, Liu Jing is finally leaving the Cold Palace and returning to the embrace of a happy life.
He spent three years repeatedly reflecting on his relationship with the Queen, and realized that the lack of
communication led to the serious mistake they made three years ago. This time, he wanted to learn to cherish their relationship and live a good life with the Queen.
With a cheerful mood, he walked briskly toward the Queen's palace, but on the way he encountered
someone who made him feel depressed—the flight attendant.
"Oh my, Prince Liu has changed so much in the past three years, he's become so much more mature and composed!"
Liu Jing thought to herself, "What do you mean 'become more mature'? I've always been this mature, okay?" Although
she was annoyed, she still smiled and said, "Oh, not at all. It's just that the flight attendant is getting younger and younger."
"Is Prince Liu going to request an audience with Her Majesty the Empress?"
"Yeah yeah"
"But Her Majesty the Empress, Prince Mu, and Prince Shi went to Secheng to attend the New Year's tea party at Niu's Tea House. They
probably won't return to the capital until next month."
"Excuse me, but I'd like to ask, who are Prince Mu and Prince Shi?"
"Her Majesty the Queen has newly appointed a prince! Her Majesty's harem is now overflowing, with all the palaces and courtyards filled!"
Such a great post,
I'd be doing myself a disservice if I didn't reply! So
awesome!

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