How to bring up couples dating with your spouse [reprinted]

Because "couples' friendship" is still often equated with "partner swapping" in people's minds, the negative social impact of these two terms remains largely unresolved until the deeper differences are clarified, making them sensitive topics that many couples dare not discuss. While "couples' friendship" sounds more elegant, this distinction shouldn't be the first step in communication between spouses. This distinction can only be made after a deep understanding of the essence of "couples' friendship," or at least experiencing the process firsthand. I believe the first step in communication between spouses should be figuring out how to mention the term "couples' friendship" and this social phenomenon to their partner without causing offense or anger.
From what I understand, many who are aware of this concept are men. When they cautiously mention it to their wives, they are often met with insults and ridicule, misunderstanding, or deeper doubts, frequently ending in unpleasantness and failing to achieve a proper understanding of the issue. Consequently, the desire to discuss it is deeply hidden, let alone searching for such information or articles, which creates significant hidden dangers in spousal communication. For example, one day, a wife discovers that her husband has been secretly browsing such websites and making friends with other couples without their consent… It's easy to imagine that the concept of “couples making friends” has already caused even greater misunderstandings before it could be clearly explained.
So how should one bring it up in a way that resonates with the other person? I think, depending on the different levels of marital affection and communication, we can divide it into the following four situations:
First: Couples who can talk about anything, communicate very smoothly, and even when they disagree, try to find common ground. In this case, the husband or wife can speak freely with each other, and even browse the forum together. They can guide each other through everyday life, letting the other see the warm family atmosphere within the forum. This way, the other person will at least understand that the people who make friends with their spouses are not outcasts, but rather very friendly, loving, compassionate, and tolerant towards friends and family. They have broad and positive interests and refined aesthetic tastes. With this basic understanding, they can then look at individual experiences and experience different perspectives. When the two of them are browsing, they shouldn't compare themselves to others first, but rather approach it with an attitude of understanding and appreciation. If they are fortunate enough to find common ground, everything will flow naturally, and the concept of couples making friends will be more readily accepted. It will also quickly occupy a significant place in their conversations, leading to more shared topics and adding a lot of imagined fun to their lives.
If after reading this, you feel you can only understand others but can't find common ground with yourself, or there's still a sense of distance, then just read it with an appreciative attitude. I believe that under the influence of this imagination, your married life will be much more colorful than before, with more topics to discuss. Life will open a window in that instant, and you will see a dazzling future, even if you haven't yet grown the wings to fly there.
The second type: Friends whose spouses communicate about many things, but rarely about sex, or who have consistently lacked improvement in their lifestyle.
For this type, mentioning this rather "avant-garde" concept is difficult. Generally, as soon as one party reveals a hint, the other will assume it's their private thought or desire. If they happen to share similar ideas, it's fine, but if the other party knows little about it and is very averse to it, then they will directly accuse you of having problems with your thinking and suspect that your love for them has faded, or that you have ulterior motives.
Therefore, when couples in this relationship discuss dating, my personal advice is this: When you're online, pretend to be surprised and call your partner over. Find stories about dating between couples, or reports about a woman who stands out (because that report appeals to the public, is sensational, critical, and leaves readers with a lot of suspense, making them very curious). Call your partner over and exclaim in surprise, "How can there be such people?!" (Don't laugh, don't laugh just because I suggested it). Then read these news articles together, adding various comments as needed. If your partner seems extremely indignant, you should agree or offer some inspiration. Find some articles about dating, beautiful ones that clearly enhance marital harmony, or a blog like the one featuring a woman who stands out, because I believe the woman on that blog presents a normal, family-loving, and moderately interesting woman. Then you can ask questions such as: 1. These people seem to be living quite well. 2. They seem to have really found a way to relieve life's pressures. 3. They're quite ordinary, not particularly unconventional. ...and so on, prompting the other person to think, making them question their initial indignation, and then gradually seeking answers to understand... Once they understand, that's enough. I believe that the loving articles in the forum will evoke their approval, at least psychologically... This is the initial step in communication.
If the other person sees similar articles and news during your call and says it's nothing special, saying, "What's the big deal?!" then congratulations! You can then ask them to explain their perspective, and let them "teach" you. Afterwards, you can browse the forum together, imagining yourselves in other people's stories... You can also temporarily participate in some everyday topics to deepen your understanding of this group. Slowly, I believe you will become potential members, and your communication will be smooth and without reservations.
The third type: Couples with average relationships and little communication, but who really want to try.
Actually, I don't recommend such couples join. Because if the emotional foundation is weak, facing a richer life can feel overwhelming, and there will be a greater fear of the inherently unpredictable society and emotions, leading to a sense of insecurity.
However, if you must try, I suggest starting with a critical approach. You can angrily bring up the matter to your spouse, criticizing it according to their understanding, even going so far as to verbally attack them. If your spouse is unmoved, ask for their opinion and decide based on their attitude. Perhaps you'll experience a joyful communication you've never felt before. If they are not only unmoved but also indifferent, making you lose all interest in criticizing, then it's best to say nothing and extinguish the fire in your heart.
If your spouse shows some interest in what you're saying but doesn't understand much, don't act like you know everything. Show interest and patience in exploring and understanding together, half-learning, half-guiding. You can criticize together, ask each other questions, and try some hypothetical scenarios to see the effect. I believe this should be effective.
Fourthly: If your marital relationship is strained, absolutely do not mention it. The moment you bring it up, a breach will open in the marriage's current state, like a flood that cannot be contained… Couples who enjoy casual sex are not suited for this kind of
relationship. You can indulge in a few fantasies and fantasies, but quickly stop. …Regarding how to bring up casual sex with your spouse, for couples who communicate very well, it might not be a problem. However, in reality, I have encountered many friends who often struggle with not being able to mention it to their spouses, fearing cold shoulders and misunderstanding. Based on my limited understanding, I have analyzed the above four points for you, hoping to offer even a small help to those who want to communicate with their spouses but have concerns. It would make my hard work staying up all night worthwhile.

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