[Diary Entry 4]

I think marriage should be a commitment, but sex clearly doesn't play a minor role. When this factor evolves into a crisis that two people must face together, then according to the marriage contract, its resolution requires the joint responsibility of both spouses. One day I asked Nanwei why he went to a brothel for excitement. If you want to indulge or constantly try new things, you can simply find a lover outside without telling me; wouldn't that be more exciting?

Nanwei's answer touched me deeply. He said, "Because I love you, I don't want to find a lover outside. The brothel perfectly fulfills my wish; I want you to experience a different kind of pleasure."

Women are just that silly. After he said those words, I don't know why, but my mood inexplicably improved. The aesthetic fatigue that arises between couples leads to a lack of passion in their emotional lives, and thus, brothels come into being. I remember that day, before leaving, Xiaoliang said to me, "Actually, neither of us did it perfectly. Those two days, we should have treated the stranger like a different partner, but we cared too much about our other half, so we were very restrained." Nothing can be perfect for all four people at the same time, without any flaws. So, whether it's regret or happiness, what matters most is that it's in the past and we've experienced it. Everyone says the first step is the hardest, but once you take it, you've succeeded. Sometimes, looking back, you feel caught off guard. The day I walked out of that club, I regretted not having a proper talk with Zhang Mei. She's a very tolerant woman, much more mature than me, and I really like her.

Whenever we had free time, the four of us would go to the *** club. During those days, it felt like we were back in school, inseparable. Sometimes I'd mistake Xiao Liang for Nan Wei, and sometimes I'd call Nan Wei Xiao Liang. Eventually, even I couldn't tell who was who. Zhang Mei wasn't shy anymore either. Sometimes, the four of us would stand naked, touching each other.

In just one month, we seemed addicted to this game, meeting up every week, trying everything. I felt extremely uneasy, like a child who had stolen too much, filled with fear. Suddenly, I was terrified. I didn't want to continue like this. I was afraid my love for Xiao Liang would rekindle, and I didn't want to hurt Zhang Mei or ruin my current family.

I couldn't imagine what would happen if we continued like this; perhaps in the end, all four of us would pay a heavy price. I couldn't bear to think about it anymore…

So our four-person sex game ended with my withdrawal.

We're practically an old married couple, with children, but this was our first time. In the blink of an eye, we experienced one of the most challenging things in our marriage. Therefore, we hope for a period of peace, or rather, a period of quiet reflection. We need to rekindle our love and cherish our family and children.

I just hope this ends here.

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