【***】two

"Of course it is! Maybe if you shout it out softly, no one can hear you. Everyone's the same. Every day at the course feels different. My shots on the white ball are inconsistent, and my score for the day is largely determined by my physical condition. My energy levels fluctuate. But I'd rather attribute it to luck. It's like playing mahjong. Even when my mood and energy are in sync, I might not play as well as I want." "

Do you play mahjong regularly?"

"I used to play a lot when I was in Taiwan. Now, golf takes up most of my day. And since I started investing in stocks, what's more fun? What's more exciting? Stocks are a gamble with bigger stakes."

"John asked me to play cards this afternoon, but I haven't found anyone else. Would you like to come? If you can, I'll have to ask you for advice on investing in stocks."

"I have something to do this afternoon. Could we schedule another time to exchange ideas and learn from each other?"

"Sure! Please give my regards to Zhang Jingyuan today. It's been over ten years since we last met. I didn't even know we lived nearby."

“Well then,” Paul tentatively suggested, “when are you free to have lunch or breakfast together? We could chat and exchange market insights.”

“That would be great, but my schedule is usually quite full with things at the office and home. I need to find a free moment beforehand. What about you?”

“I’m available anytime. How about we agree on a time and place now?” Afraid she might refuse, he pressed for a date.

So they agreed on a time and place. Once they arranged to meet, they went their separate ways to meet up with others and continue playing ball. They seemed to have an unspoken understanding, never mentioning it, and no one suspected they had arranged a follow-up date.

Driving away from the stadium, Wang Zhengfang couldn't hide his excitement and exhilaration. Like a child, his hands on the steering wheel unconsciously tapped to the beat of the popular music playing in the car, wanting to sing along and shout. However, he couldn't be so impatient. So many years had passed; where were his dreams now? He reminded himself, deliberately suppressing his agitated emotions, silently questioning himself: "Why am I so excited? What am I trying to do? She's a woman past her prime, abandoned by her husband, clinging only to past triumphs. Things are different now; how can I be so foolish?" As he neared his home, Wang Zhengfang couldn't help but ask himself again what he was planning to do. He didn't want to let go; he still liked her. Was it just for a moment of pleasure? Of course, he hadn't thought that far ahead. So focused on the immediate excitement and pleasure, he couldn't consider what might happen, how it might evolve. He overthought things; he was a naturally cautious person. He couldn't forgive himself for being so self-restrained; it was useless.

But why had he shamelessly asked her out? Was he trying to rekindle a dream he couldn't achieve before? How despicable and lowly, afraid of being spied on, secretly trying to seduce his wife's classmate. Didn't he feel guilty? Reluctantly, reluctantly, but thankfully she was quite cooperative. Perhaps he was truly lonely and bored. Did he intend to take advantage of her misfortune and seize the opportunity to possess the heartbroken, abandoned woman? Although Lucy had been a beauty during her school days, after a period of married life, weren't all people the same? Yet, in the eyes of this former admirer, she was still as charming as ever. Even though she was currently experiencing a blow to her marriage, there were no particularly striking changes; he could still recall the little gestures and charm of the eye-catching woman from back then. Many similar situations could completely destroy a person. She was still the same; her former elegance and reserve had not been diminished by the unhappiness and even disappointment of these years of married life. People who had interacted with her before shouldn't feel that her charm had disappeared, Wang Zhengfang thought, but he wasn't entirely sure. She was equally kind to other golf partners; when someone said something flattering to her, she was overjoyed and couldn't stop smiling, showing no difference in how she treated him. Thinking this, he suddenly felt as if he had suffered a setback and was quite disheartened. He himself found it strange, truly fitting the current Taiwanese trend of "lingering old feelings." What's even more amusing is that, just like in his youth, he can't stand being treated lightly when his interest is piqued. Perhaps it's comical, but if he doesn't expect any particular effect or reaction, why does he care so much? Although Paul considers himself somewhat dulled by romantic feelings over the years, he can still tell she's happy to see him; otherwise, why would she playfully ask him a question?

Memories and fantasies intertwine about the person he once loved so dearly. Longing leads to infatuation, Wang Zhengfang knows this very well; the more one longs, the deeper the affection, for love is driven by one's inner needs. A decisive break would eliminate all the lingering attachments and tender feelings. But he'd rather be immersed in it, cherishing that bittersweet feeling. He doesn't care how things develop; of course, it's just a fleeting excitement, still carefully maintaining what he has, despite the tangled web of emotions and moral obligations, and his innate fear of hurting those close to him, and even more so, of harming himself. Even if there were any developments, they had to be done secretly and clandestinely.

"What am I doing? Do I need to pursue her? Is it necessary?" Wang Zhengfang couldn't help but ask himself again, urgently. Indeed, it wasn't necessary; why should he sink into it? But he couldn't bring himself to do it. Even though he was temporarily weary of emotional entanglements, he still had to try the taste of love again. His long, uneventful love life couldn't withstand the slightest stimulation or ripple. He was willing to be obsessed with someone, just like in the past, and knowing that if he deliberately fell into the mire, he might not reach the end, and might never be able to turn back. Was he willing to take the risk? Was this woman worth it? Her face was already tinged with weariness, her youthful beauty gone, after so many storms at the end of the year. Why was he still so naive? Yet she still seemed healthy and supple, tall and athletic, bringing a thrill, or perhaps a stirring of lust, or maybe just wishful thinking based on his own needs. If it was just about being intimate with her, she might not be unwilling. This idea is so unrealistic. Nobody's that casual. Real life doesn't resemble the scenarios in movies. It's too idealistic. How could it be like this? And he shouldn't completely forget his responsibilities to his wife. Although she often annoys him, she's not entirely wrong in that regard. Their relationship isn't exactly harmonious, but he can only blame himself for always being inadequate and unsuccessful. He finally has a little money today, and he wants to cheat. Wang Zhengfang doesn't understand if this is his mentality. He hates himself for being so useless, for thinking so much about such things. He's missed so many opportunities for infidelity in his life; why is he so unable to let go? In short, he repeatedly suppresses these emotions. He does regret that he genuinely likes other women, unable to overcome this inner demon, and repeatedly tries to secretly satisfy his desires.

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【***】two

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