[Sex Stories]

As dawn broke, I reluctantly bid farewell to Qiuwei and left "Dream Nest." It was a detached house in the suburbs not far from my residence. I had rented it, and Qiuwei had named it. I adhered to one principle: never bringing any man into my home. I didn't want to defile my husband; it was the home he had created for me.
At the same time, I was afraid of leaving unclean memories in any corner of the house; after all, infidelity always felt unclean.
Back home, sitting in front of the dressing mirror, I felt a pang of sadness looking at my disheveled face. A forty-year-old woman's face is like a dried-out fruit peel; a sleepy face is for young girls, while a forty-year-old woman's drowsy eyes are only repulsive. Therefore, I always went to "Dream Nest" to meet Qiuwei after dark, returning home in the dew of dawn. I liked walking in the misty forest, becoming a forest spirit myself.
Looking at the photo of my husband and me on the dressing table, a wave of guilt washed over me. There were rumors that my husband was having an affair, but I had no proof. If I were ten years younger, I might have confronted him forcefully. But we are both intellectuals, and after more than a decade of marriage, we've always treated each other with respect, our relationship as bland as water. My husband has become a symbolic figure in my heart.
Forty is the most tragic age for a woman, when she has lost all her romantic capital; all the pain and unhappiness in love stems from this age. I knew my husband wouldn't amount to anything, and I felt a pang of guilt for keeping him by my side. What was a man supposed to do with a forty-year-old woman? Only after my husband made a lot of money did I give up my job as a university lecturer and become a "stay-at-home mom." After opening my heart, nothing in the world seemed so insurmountable.
I felt there was an unspoken agreement between my husband and me, giving each other appropriate emotional freedom.
Our sex life is also quite harmonious. He's five years older than me, and his sexual desire has diminished considerably since he turned forty; however, our first time was still quite enjoyable. My husband is steady, talented, and witty… I put that photo in the drawer, silently telling him that my heart still belongs to him, even though my body is temporarily with Qiuwei. I hoped this was a way to resolve the conflict.
Qiuwei and I met at a very ordinary dinner party; my husband had just been abroad for three months. Qiuwei was handsome, a junior in college, and a soccer star. His youthful energy seemed to emanate from every pore, making me feel younger too. I also made things easy for Qiuwei; I gave him money, bought him a computer, a stereo system, and designer clothes—all things he liked.
My first time making love with Qiuwei was last spring at "Dream Nest." Yellow forsythia bloomed in front of the porch, and we celebrated our first tryst with champagne.
I didn't look old, and the young Qiuwei exuded a maturity. When we embraced, I felt pleasure, a tremor in my heart—a feeling that could only be felt, not described… I felt at ease; my money hadn't been wasted. Qiuwei was a strong man! Although these thoughts were somewhat petty, people often think like this in private.
Qiu Wei stripped naked, and I saw his dark skin and thick hair. His muscles were incredibly strong; it felt like touching steel, as if they could bounce my hand back. A large bandage was on Qiu Wei's knee, a wound from playing football. That white bandage most effectively aroused my desire.
Time flew by, and the following summer arrived—the time for my husband to return from abroad, and also the time for me to break up with Qiu Wei. I didn't want to ruin my family for any man. It's human nature, and I hated myself for not being immune.
I was filled with anxiety, but I could see that Qiu Wei seemed increasingly relaxed. I felt terrible and finally couldn't help but ask Qiu Wei if he felt relieved now that our relationship was over.
Qiu Wei sincerely said that he didn't want to deceive me; our relationship could only be kept secret, something that couldn't be shown to others. I wouldn't have a future with him, and he wouldn't be with me forever. I said, "Over time, feelings develop, and it's hard to let go... There's a knot in my heart, so the quality of our lovemaking isn't high. It's as if we've suddenly become strangers."
Finally, our last tryst arrived. After making love, I lay exhausted on the bed, holding Qiuwei's face, and couldn't help but cry. It had been over a year; Qiuwei had been with me for over a year. Now, it was time to part ways. I had so much to say, but no one knew where to begin.
I told Qiuwei that if he liked "Dream Nest," I would rent it for him permanently. Qiuwei said that without me, "Dream Nest" had no meaning, and he had found a job in another city. This ending satisfied me, even though I couldn't know if Qiuwei was sincere or not; at least he was filled with the sadness of parting.
However, as I was about to get up to leave, I found a woman's hairpin on my pillow, and I almost fainted from shock. I couldn't mistake it; the hairpin belonged to my neighbor, Mrs. Chen. We had bought it together at the duty-free shop. My heart felt like it was weighed down by a lead weight, sinking into despair.
Qiu Wei chuckled dismissively and said the hair clip belonged to Mrs. Chen. She called me once, saying she'd dialed the wrong number. Mrs. Chen had seduced him with a foxy, alluring charm. However, he didn't provide for Mrs. Chen for free; she paid more than I did. Qiu Wei said he hadn't hurt me, and besides, I wasn't entirely faithful to him. I was speechless, wanting only to escape that filthy "dream nest" as quickly as possible.
I was so devastated that I fell ill for six months. My husband, unaware of the devastation, took meticulous care of me. I developed a kind of obsessive-compulsive disorder, using a vaginal douche several times a day to wash away anything related to Qiu Wei. However, physical filth is easy to remove, but emotional wounds are hard to heal.
Fortunately, the outside world changes too quickly, there are too many new things, and people don't care about the story of a lonely woman's affair. Even I gradually forgot about it. I became a law-abiding wife in that villa area again, living a seemingly happy but extremely dull life with my husband and children.

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