Sister Feng has a crush on a male god

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1. After a fight, the husband was hungry.

Husband: Can you cook first?

Wife: I have no obligation to!

Husband: Aren't you my wife?

Wife: Of course not!

Husband picks up the phone: Xiao Liu, I'm getting a divorce...

The wife jumps up and goes into the kitchen...

2. A couple is arguing because of their son.

Wife: Like father, like son!

Husband: Isn't he your son?

Wife: Who knows which son of a bitch is responsible!

Son of a bitch...

3. A friend of the wife's came to visit. After the friend left, the wife asked: Do you think she's pretty? Husband

: Pretty!

Wife: You have really good taste!

Husband: I'm regretting it!

4. After Sister Feng got married, she laid down three rules for her husband, the first being that he was not allowed to look at women prettier than her when they went out! The husband, bewildered, muttered under his breath, "This is too difficult! Almost every woman is prettier than you! Are you trying to blind me?" Fengjie laughed, "You marrying me proves you're blind to beauty!" The husband sighed, "Being a woman is hard, being an ugly woman is hard, and being the man of an ugly woman is even harder!"

5. Fengjie had a crush on a handsome man, but was afraid of scaring him away by confessing, so she went to a fortune teller to see if they were destined to be together. After asking for their birth dates and times, the fortune teller calculated for a long time, muttering, "Chou Si." Upon hearing this, Fengjie panicked and said, "I may be ugly, but I'm not ugly to the point of death, am I?" The fortune teller calmly said, "Don't worry! You misunderstand!" "Then you mean I'm worried to death? How can I not be worried when I'm like this?"

6. I'm naturally shy, but I yearn for love. My luck turned, and heaven arranged a wonderful marriage for me. On my crowded bus to work, there was a beautiful woman going the same way. Every time she got on, she would glance at me intently, her gaze different, and her expression a little nervous. Although I'd never experienced love, I was sure she had feelings for me. Finally, one day, I mustered up my courage and decided to chat with her, hoping to begin a romantic bus romance. The woman stood in the corner of the bus, and I moved closer step by step, my heart pounding with nervousness that everyone around me could probably sense. The woman noticed me too, her face flushed red with embarrassment, and she lowered her head, avoiding eye contact, only glancing at me out of the corner of her eye, her hands tightly clutching her bag. Afraid she wouldn't hear me, I took another step closer, and another. Just as I was about to speak, I heard her say. She said, "Thief, my bag is full of public funds. If you take another step closer, I'll call the police." Me…

7. In the woods, a magpie saw a crow.

Magpie: Brother Crow, why do humans throw stones at you so relentlessly?

Crow: Because I have a "crow's beak."

Magpie: What do you mean?

Crow: I love to eat rotten, smelly carrion, but I feel a little reluctant when I eat it, so I always let out a series of mournful cries. Humans hate my cries, no wonder they throw stones at me!

Magpie: Brother Crow, you're so foolish! You're doing all the work cleaning up garbage and rotten meat for humans, and you still get bullied by them. Can't you learn from me? Crow

: Please enlighten me, brother!

Magpie: Let me tell you, from now on, no matter what you say, you have to speak sweetly and clearly. For example, sometimes when I'm unhappy, even if I'm cursing someone's ancestors through gritted teeth, they'll still grin and think I'm bringing them good news!

Crow: Huh? ...

8. The husband went out for a while, and when he came back, his wife checked her wallet and found that 100 yuan was missing.

Wife: Did you buy anything?

Husband: No.

Wife: Then how come you're missing 100 yuan?

Husband: I just sat downstairs at Xiao Liu's place for a while and gave it to her!

The wife didn't say anything and turned to leave.

9. The next day, the wife went for a walk outside and returned to give her husband two hundred yuan.

Husband: Where did you get this?

Wife: Someone gave it to me!

Husband: Who?

Wife: Old Wang next door! Husband: What do

you want to do with it? Wife: I'll earn it back the way you spent it! 10. Li Shimin was surrounded by bandits. Just when he was in danger, a big, dark-skinned man rode up on horseback. He was incredibly strong and fought against a hundred bandits, repelling them and saving Li Shimin. Afterwards, Li Shimin asked him: Who are you? The big man said: I am Yuchi Gong! Li Shimin: A bathhouse worker? You scrub the bathhouse, right? No wonder you're so strong. Well done, you'll be working for me from now on! Yuchi Gong: ...... 11. Li Shimin acquired a wild horse that no one could tame! At this time, the concubine Wu Zetian (also known as Wu Meiniang) said: I dare to try! Li Shimin agreed. Wu Zetian held a knife to the horse's throat. The horse, seemingly understanding and afraid of death, obediently allowed her to mount it. Wu Zetian rode the spirited horse back and forth, and everyone gave way. Li Shimin exclaimed: "Unlicensed driving! Amazing!" 12. Wu Zetian, now very old, was preparing for her death. The Minister of Rites asked: "Your Majesty, what kind of stele do you wish to erect after your passing?" Wu Zetian replied: "Just a blank stele. Let posterity judge my merits and demerits." The minister obeyed, and after the stele was completed, he showed it to Wu Zetian. Upon lifting the veil, he saw the three large characters "Blank Stele" written on it! Wu Zetian was furious: "I wanted a blank stele, not one with the three characters 'Blank Stele' written on it!" The minister said: "Your Majesty, if it's a blank stele, posterity will say you're being pretentious! Writing 'Blank Stele' completely changes everything!" Wu Zetian: What's the difference? Minister: At most, future generations will think you're an idiot!

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