The legitimacy of couples making friends

page views:2 Publication date:2020-09-23

In a monogamous system, infidelity is inevitable. The more one understands and becomes familiar with a relationship, the safer it becomes. The institution of marriage, with its long history, guarantees its safety and controllability. The essence of marriage is to provide people with a stable, predictable, and clearly defined path in life, and to establish conventional lifestyles and rules. That is, even before entering marriage, people generally know what kind of life it will be, what its content will be, and what its way of life will be. The more one understands and becomes familiar with a relationship, the safer it becomes. The institution of marriage, with its long history, guarantees its safety and controllability. When two people marry with the blessings of family and friends, they are like passengers on a slowly moving train. The track this train travels on is the track their decisions and actions follow. If they continue along the established track, the train will undoubtedly reach its destination; if one person decides to leave their track and acts on it, then we call that behavior "infidelity." This term truly vividly interprets the value and meaning of marriage for people. When one partner cheats, it means the relationship is at risk of changing direction, and the innocent partner must accept this reality. This change of direction sends the train heading into the unknown, towards an unpredictable, unsafe, and ambiguous path, inevitably accompanied by anxiety, fear, depression, and other emotional distress, requiring significant time, energy, and financial investment. Besides being a direct cause of marital breakdown, infidelity inflicts psychological and emotional trauma on the partner, affects children's personality development, and may even become a psychological and behavioral pattern passed down to the next generation. Based on this analysis, given the numerous troubles and anxieties associated with infidelity, logically no one should willingly choose to cheat, nor should anyone want to see their partner cheat. However, in recent years, cases of divorce due to extramarital affairs have increased, and reports of fallen officials often involve mistresses. Furthermore, media surveys indicate that over 60% of married people consider infidelity. What kind of psychology leads people to knowingly decide to change or want to change their existing life trajectory despite knowing the consequences of infidelity? Starting this week, I will analyze common psychological factors related to infidelity and offer corresponding prevention and solutions for readers' reference. As the opening article of this series, I want to set aside psychological factors and discuss the connection between the institution of marriage itself and "infidelity." In the matriarchal clan society of monogamy, the word "infidelity" had no place. Women could decide who they slept with that night, and men would not object. Similarly, in the feudal society of polygamy, the word "infidelity" had no fertile ground. Men possessed absolute sexual freedom and privilege, while women, though they might object, were forbidden from doing so. Even if some women tried to express their sexual rights like men, their behavior was only described as "adultery," "cheating," or other harsh and insulting terms. This is because women in feudal society were not considered human beings; they were merely objects or commodities. At least in the mainstream societal consciousness, even if a woman, as an object, strayed from the right path, it wouldn't have a significant impact on a man's life. In a patriarchal society, mainstream values only begin to regulate people's thoughts and behaviors when a woman's actions and decisions affect a man's life. Therefore, the term "infidelity" can only originate in a monogamous social environment. Then an interesting thing happens. If polygamy only violates women's humanity, monogamy violates the humanity of both men and women. This is because a crucial source of sexual stimulation is novelty. Scientists have demonstrated this through experiments with mice that if the same female mouse is used, the male mouse's mating frequency decreases until it stops completely; if scientists continuously introduce new female mice, the male mouse will mate incessantly until exhaustion. While humans don't simply exhibit conditioned reflexes like animals, they still need fresh partners to ignite sexual passion. We must face the fact that the longer a relationship lasts, the lower the frequency of sex becomes. Therefore, marriage experts advise us to pursue the quality of sex rather than its quantity, and to focus more on the intimacy itself rather than sexual stimulation. In other words, if your life's purpose is simply to enjoy pleasurable and stimulating sex, marriage may not be suitable for you. Unless you're willing to prioritize intimacy and relinquish the right to novelty in sex, being single is more suitable for you. So-called happy and stable marriages are often a forced choice after weighing the pros and cons. In a monogamous marriage system, infidelity is inevitable. If someone doesn't accept the advice of marriage experts, is unwilling or unable to elevate sexual energy into intimacy and connection, and simply follows instinct to pursue direct sexual stimulation, then infidelity is inevitable. In fact, even if one intellectually accepts the advice, the primal desire for novelty in sex always exists. Unless an individual can suppress or redirect this desire, infidelity remains inevitable. As the most contradictory and complex beings in the world, humans instinctively seek stability and security, yet simultaneously crave adventure and novelty. The monogamous marriage system is a product of this complex and contradictory human nature: we build a stable and secure platform (marriage) for ourselves, and then pursue adventure and novelty (infidelity) beneath that platform. Therefore, we should view infidelity with equanimity, rather than simply judging the cheater with morality, and we shouldn't blame ourselves excessively for our partner's infidelity. We need to recognize that the institution of marriage itself is a contributing factor to infidelity. The institution of marriage: not for love. Everyone who chooses to enter into marriage needs to understand that the original intention of marriage was not to protect love or provide a home for it. It is merely using the name of love to carry out social management. The monogamous marriage system is primarily for equal sexual rights, especially equal sexual rights for men. In a matriarchal society, where women can freely decide who they have sexual relations with, some men are destined to lose the opportunity to reproduce, and they will inevitably become a destabilizing factor in society. In a polygamous society, men with resources monopolize more sexual resources, causing weaker men to lose their sexual rights, with consequences similar to those in a matriarchal society. Furthermore, if society consists entirely of individuals, resource consumption will be greater, and management costs will be higher. However, if couples form families, resource consumption and management costs will be reduced, and children can be better cared for, increasing the survival rate of offspring and making society more vibrant and dynamic. Understanding this, we shouldn't have unrealistic expectations of marriage. Only by letting go of illusions about marriage and seeing its reality can we better enter into it, manage it, and obtain the happiness and fulfillment we desire through it.

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