69 has become a habit

Or perhaps it's a cup of poison, impossible to quit. I've lingered here for countless years, too many to count. I once wrote a diary entry; 69 has become a habit. The same title, the same feelings, the same words. After all, it's the same person, only the years have slowly passed, and my state of mind has changed from initial excitement and surging emotions to a calm, slightly turbulent state.
Every day, whether I have something to do or not, I still habitually check: has anyone posted a new diary entry? Has anyone uploaded new photos? Has anyone posted new dating information? Has anyone reposted any new online articles… In short, I open 69 intentionally or unintentionally; it's just a habit. When I first came, I actively uploaded photos of my wife, loved writing in my diary, and hoped for more stories to unfold. Many people think about these things, and I've thought about them too, including how to sleep with other people's wives and girlfriends. Later, I even had cuckolding thoughts, imagining others sleeping with my wife, swapping, threesomes, even group sex, even incest, even same-sex… Anyway, at different times, I've had all sorts of different thoughts. Even now, as the years have passed and my mind has become more peaceful, I still find it incredible that I had so many strange and varied thoughts. But upon reflection, I feel relieved. Different ages and different environments naturally bring different thoughts. Humans are inherently thinking beings; how can we stop thinking? I've been using this website for about ten years. I wrote about the seven-year itch before, but now I don't feel that itch anymore, haha. But I still check it every day, like today. I woke up at four in the morning and habitually picked up my phone to check if the diary had been updated, especially the serialized diaries of other users—like fans following a drama. I still love looking at the photos uploaded by other users. The difference is that I used to love looking at photos of women showing off their genitals, all kinds of revealing pictures, I never tired of them. Now, I prefer looking at everyday photos, photos of people wearing clothes, or photos that are subtly revealing. My mindset has changed. Before, when I saw stunning photos of women, my penis would immediately salute; now, it's just a mental admiration. Thinking seriously about myself, I've actually been all talk and no action. I've talked to many friends, and it's all just talk. I've only had a few real experiences! It was still so tragic. An accidental threesome, and my little guy was a pain; the girl pushed me away, and I felt so ashamed. Another time, it was four people. The other guy had the girl completely aroused; aside from saying no, her body was completely open to me, but I was still limp, limp, so embarrassing. Since then, that girl hasn't spoken to me online. Before, we used to talk about everything, even video-watching them make love, him making her masturbate for me. I've also met couples in person, drunk together, and met single men, exchanging ideas and discussing our desires for women. I've also read articles written by girls, with a different kind of delicate emotion than men. In short, I check every day...

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69 has become a habit

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