The fragrance of yesterday has faded from my humble clothes.

Thus have I heard; at one time, the Buddha was staying in the Jetavana Grove in Shravasti, with a group of twelve hundred and fifty people from the Mahavihara school. ... How should one abide
? How should one subdue one's mind? I am not a layperson, nor a devout Buddhist. I only wish that when I cross the Bridge of Helplessness, I will drink less of the Meng Po soup.
I want to remember her, remember her...
The stairway to heaven, some say it is a rainbow, appearing on rainy days because the rain is the tears of lovers. Some say it is when the moon is full, when Hou Yi is longing, but his arrow will pierce the heart. The stairway to heaven, perhaps, only appears in dreams.
The world is small, the world is vast. We cannot control the arrangements of fate, drifting with the waves of time. When the crest of the wave
crashes , only pain remains. When I saw Pei again, she was in a hospital bed, her husband beside her. Her former radiance was gone. My heart
ached, and tears silently streamed down my face.
Pei was my first love, a tender, budding romance, a fearless youth. Looking at Pei's photo now, time seems frozen in her smiling face
, yet her fragrant soul has vanished with the wind.
In our youth, before the Listening to Rain Pavilion, red candles dimly lit the silk curtains. As a child, I was consumed by pleasure, oblivious to the future, unaware of the value of cherishing what I had. Pei
was more like a playmate then; the two of us, hiding from our families, walked hand in hand, counting the paulownia trees, treading on their verdant slopes
. Willows drooped by the riverbank; I pretended to fish, and Pei playfully broke off several willow branches, bent them into a loop, and placed it on my head, glancing at me sideways, saying, "Crawl forward, there's an enemy!"
With a splash, I turned into a fish, and Pei chuckled beside me.
I pulled Pei close, and in doing so, turned her into a fish as well
. The infinitely shy Pei nestled in my arms, her eyes brimming with tears, her eyelashes fluttering nervously.
Her lips, soft breaths, her delicate earlobes, slightly flushed—I couldn't resist kissing her.
Years later, I can still vividly recall that moment. With my eyes closed, my body remains frozen at the instant our lips met, trembling slightly
, a little hot, my heart pounding faster than usual, as if it would burst out of my chest. Blood rushed to my head, buzzing, the soft, fragrant body in my arms.
My eyes are filled with
the image of a beautiful woman in springtime. The late summer wind rustles through the bamboo grove, occasionally punctuated by a bird's song. Silence descends, the stream still murmurs.
Something seems strange; where are the people around me?
I turn around, and they've all turned into wooden statues, staring blankly at me.
Pei, her face flushed, grabs my hand, leaps up, and runs away like the wind. I stumble after her,
yelling, "My fishing rod! My lobster!"
The love of youth is like paper on a windowpane, seemingly exquisite and translucent, yet unable to withstand scrutiny. The hearts of young lovers, like the weather in June, are fickle; fickleness brings suffering!
The day I angrily broke up with her, the only thing I remembered was Pei sitting on the bridge, her toes dangling, leaving pale pink balsam flower imprints.
This vibrant pink bloomed in the boy's heart.
Every time I saw balsam flowers, I would linger for a long time, the petals swaying in the wind, and Pei's innocent smile would appear before me. I didn't
see Pei again until several years later. Fate is predetermined, and we cannot refuse it. It was destined that we would walk through a part of life together.
Every time I went to the Xu family gathering, I felt dizzy. In the crowd, I saw a familiar back, my heart suddenly skipped a beat, my blood
seemed to freeze, as if in a dream. When I came to my senses, the back had disappeared into the sea of people. Filled with melancholy, I thought I still remembered her, but it
was hidden in the lower reaches of the river in my heart, a calm surface concealing turbulent undercurrents.
I walked through the crowd, quickly reaching the spot where Pei had appeared. Looking around, I saw unfamiliar faces, expressionless, brushing past me.
On the streets of Shanghai, a man stood blankly, as if his soul had left his body, his spirit drifting with his silhouette above Xujiahui.
That Christmas, I received a card with just a few words, yet it piqued my curiosity. "
Do you remember who I am?" "Happy Holidays!"
An unfamiliar address, a number in a lane of Changning District, unfamiliar words—exploring the unknown world is a yearning for everyone.
Pei and I stood together again, gazing at her familiar smiling face, still feeling dizzy. Pei had blossomed into a delicate and beautiful woman; from afar,
she was like a willow branch over a broken bridge, her beautiful eyebrows envied by many. She possessed an otherworldly charm, yet, like a celestial herb, she would eventually vanish into the ethereal world.
We smiled foolishly, staring at each other blankly, never tiring of looking at each other. My heart was already churning with emotions. I took Pei's hand, and in that
instant, her hand trembled slightly. Sunset clouds fell on her bright, beautiful face. The distant sunset, the fiery sky,
illuminated our two youthful faces. Our shadows, one tall and one short, intertwined, merged, and slowly disappeared.
We were back in our youth. Time slipped through our fingers like sand, little by little. Marriage is the culmination of love.
Pei, marry me. Okay? I wove a ring out of willow branches and slipped it onto Pei's finger.
Pei hugged me tightly; my shoulder bore the marks of her fingers, bright red marks. Pain mingled with joy, but this joy was fleeting.
Pei's family's strong opposition was unexpected. Pei's parents were somewhat powerful; they were the factory manager and had already chosen
a boyfriend for Pei—a suitable match, from a wealthy family. In this day and age, arranged marriages still exist, influenced by parents and matchmakers. In my moment of anger, I completely failed
to grasp Pei's pressure, and stormed off. Behind me, I heard Pei's sobs, which I could still faintly hear even after I was far away. The second and minute hands circled the origin, endlessly overlapping, separating, and overlapping again. Pei ultimately married the man her parents had chosen. On the day of their engagement, I smoked my first cigarette, stood by the river, watching the flowing water until dusk enveloped the entire earth. " Let us ring the bell of hope..." Pei sang Wang Jie's "Prayer" before me. Several hours have passed, and I still can't believe it, staring intently, afraid Pei will disappear before my eyes. What a small world! Pei married my childhood friend's cousin. My friend knew all about my past relationships. One day he called me and said, " Do you still want to see Pei again? Then come back, and don't ask anything." ( A separate, unrelated anecdote follows: "Wine in spring, flute in the night, I still remember her soft, fragrant body.") Pei murmured softly, I sang gently, letting the raindrops fall on the steps until dawn. We couldn't see tomorrow's sunlight, exploring each other's bodies in the darkness. Water droplets gently rolled down the lotus leaves, rippling outwards in the instant they slid in, spreading in circles. In the gentle breeze and fine rain, in this tender embrace, our union was faint, yet an unbreakable knot. Ah! It hurts! Pei left a deep row of teeth marks on my shoulder. I want you to remember me, to remember me forever. Does it hurt? Pei's hand gently caressed the teeth marks. Her nimble tongue kissed my earlobe. A warm breath wafted past my ear. I once again conquered the battlefield, Pei beneath me traversing thousands of miles, soaring into the clouds, flying over mountains, drifting across black waters, plummeting from the clouds into the endless void city.

Holding hands, we gazed at each other through tear-filled eyes, speechless and choked with emotion. Pei's figure gradually faded into the distance, disappearing inch by inch at the end of the road.
Don't see me off, I won't turn back. Pei is more resolute than I am. Pei's back trembled slightly. The summer wind was scorching, burning the body,
and even more so the heart of parting .
Ten days after we met, a grand wedding took place, and Pei married. I
can't
become a Buddha, nor do I possess the wisdom to let go of all worldly attachments and detach all thoughts. My true nature is pure, yet everything in this world originates from the mind. May Buddha protect me.
Many years passed without news of Pei. I pressed my childhood friend for answers, but he was ambiguous and silent. Only when pressed did he utter a few words.
Good, she has a child now; I couldn't get anything more out of him.
Life must go on, not stopping because of my pain, not halting because of my remembrance. Life is a spinning top, spinning, spinning
, and with its immense inertia, I spin too. Slowly, slowly, I entered a repetitive cycle. Life was ordinary:
falling in love, breaking up, falling in love again, breaking up again. Every time marriage was mentioned, I felt fear, an empty fear. I'm not an irresponsible
man, I'm just afraid of the reality of love.
My childhood friend called me, "Pei, late-stage liver cancer, wants to see you."
My mind went blank. Where am I? Who am I? Who is me? A numb individual, a weak soul, for a long, long time. "
Are you crazy? Are you looking for death?!" someone shouted at me. Surrounded by endless steel monsters, I stood in
the middle of the road. I want to see Pei, Pei, wait for me, a voice rose from the depths of my heart.
Shanghai, a well-known hospital. I don't want to describe what Pei looked like then. In my heart, Pei is bright and beautiful, forever.
To my left was Pei's husband, a plump, very honest man.
I grasped Pei's hand, weak, slender, tears welling up and falling. "
I'm fine, don't cry. This is my husband, this is my classmate." Pei's husband looked at me with some doubt.
"It's been so many years. Can you buy me something?" Pei dismissed her husband.
"Don't cry, I'm here," Pei said with a smile. I held Pei's hand tightly; in my eyes, there was only Pei.
Boy, youth, now. Black cubes swayed before my eyes, scattered, pieced together, unfolding one by one. Time returned to the riverbank,
to that summer day when the willows drooped. Pei left peacefully
this night. My childhood
friend called at midnight.
I sat quietly, listening to Wang Jie's prayers over and over again. I had a strange feeling that Pei was still there, in heaven, looking down
on me from heaven.
Is heaven alright? Take good care of yourself, don't get cold, don't go hungry. It's cold, remember to wear more clothes," I murmured, gazing at the sky
.
Fate brings us together, fate brings us together, fate brings us together and fate ends. Life can be divided into several stages, each with different people and events. Cherish everyone
you pass by, for perhaps you will only meet them once in this life.
Postscript:
That spring, I found some impatiens seeds and watched them slowly sprout, gradually growing their first leaves, until they were lush and verdant. The flowers bloomed somewhat wildly, and in the wind, I saw Pei again.
Pei smiled and said, "Crawling forward, there's enemy activity..."
Life is fleeting, so fragile, how can I forget?
I remember idle moments on the embroidered couch, playing the red rain
on the carved railing, leaning together in the setting sun.
Dreams are hard to hold onto, the poem unfinished, the image remains
. Only a fleeting breeze, no chance to
look again, the vast blue sky. I know my short hair will be frosted by morning
, between heaven and earth. Our earthly ties are not severed,
spring flowers and autumn leaves, stirring up emotions that still wound
. I want to tie up my knots, but they flutter and fall,
truly helpless. Leaning on the neighbor's flute, I compose a poignant melody.

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The fragrance of yesterday has faded from my humble clothes.

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