Little Si, what exactly are you?

Yesterday, after we parted ways at the hotel, he told me he went to that woman's workplace; he wanted to ask her to let him spend his illegitimate daughter's birthday with him today; but the woman refused and even called the police to mediate; later, his wife dragged him home. That evening, considering he must be in a bad mood, I told him not to pick me up from work. When it was time to leave work, I thought he wouldn't come; but I still looked outside hoping to see a familiar figure; perhaps he saw my longing gaze; he immediately called to tell me he was waiting for me across the street. My heart finally settled down.
On the way home, he recounted how he had clashed with that woman; I knew he was in a terrible mood, and his desire to see his daughter was much stronger than before. Near home, I cried uncontrollably and repeatedly asked him what he planned to do next, how he planned to handle this? Would he go back to square one, fighting with that woman again for his illegitimate daughter? So everything I did before was in vain. His answer was: "Don't pressure me anymore, he's already annoyed enough; I hope you won't add any more pressure." At that moment, I knew nothing I said would matter; his mind was made up. When we parted, I asked him, "Honey, are you really prepared for me to be your mistress for life?" He replied, "Wife, our thoughts will never align. You have things you can't accept, and I have things I can't let go of. So having us form a family would only put more pressure and hurt on each other." He said he didn't want me to live a more painful life because of what he couldn't let go of. So, if we were just mistresses, my expectations of him wouldn't be so high. I was heartbroken. It turns out that family love really can conquer all. Before, I naively thought that if I gave him my whole heart and all my love, it would eventually bring about a change in him. But he lives with guilt over his illegitimate daughter, blaming himself for not being a good father. I really don't know what to do in this role.
Today is his illegitimate daughter's fourth birthday. Although he texted me early this morning saying he wouldn't contact me today, and that I shouldn't call him, and that he wouldn't pick me up tonight and should ask my husband to pick me up, I still couldn't stop calling him. After seeing the message, I called him several times, but he didn't answer. Later, I sent him a message; he only replied with a few words and then there was no further news. I wasn't willing to give up and sent him more messages. Perhaps he couldn't bear to see me sad; he called me soon after and told me that he just wanted to be alone and didn't want to be disturbed. I know that today is another day he's spending thinking of Wan'er alone. Valentine's Day this year was similar, but he was even crueler that day. So even if I'm unhappy today, I can't blame him; because today he's only living for Wan'er.

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Little Si, what exactly are you?

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