Joy? Sorrow?

When infidelity becomes openly promiscuous, the excitement diminishes, replaced by numbness…
My wife's younger sister, five years her junior, ultimately chose a common long-distance marriage. Although her parents objected, she was resolute. She even quit her job to work with her husband, but the high cost of housing and their child's schooling forced her to return to her hometown, where she struggled to survive with her parents and my wife and me.
Several times, she lamented: "Love is so romantic, but marriage is so miserable." I know she regrets her marriage, but because of their child, she can't bear to divorce and can only endure the situation within the confines of the marriage.
Because our home is far from her husband's workplace, the family can only reunite during the child's summer and winter vacations. Most of the time, my wife's younger sister is lonely.
A drunken, ill-intentioned encounter led me to become my sister-in-law's bedmate. From then on, she became obsessed with me, her insatiable libido causing her to constantly seek my attention, leaving me exhausted from juggling her and my wife. I wanted to back out, but the thrill of the affair made me succumb time and again to her advances.
Eventually, my wife discovered our affair. Surprisingly, she didn't explode or mention divorce. Instead, she told me that her sister had had a tough life and hoped I would be more discreet when we were together, so as not to attract gossip.
Hearing her words, I didn't feel any understanding; instead, I felt a chill run down my spine. I even felt that, to some extent, I was just a tool for her and her sister's sexual gratification. Yet, I couldn't yell at my wife, "You should care about me!" because I had done something wrong.
After my affair was exposed, I became numb. I lost all sexual interest in both my wife and sister-in-law. I lived like a walking corpse, devoid of any purpose in life, unsure of what I was living for.
My wife and sister-in-law still constantly demanded affection from me, sometimes even simultaneously when they were together, but I rejected them both.
Now, it's been two months since I've touched my wife, let alone my sister-in-law.
Before, I secretly slept with my sister-in-law, weaving countless lies to my wife for this secret, but back then, I felt incredibly vibrant. Now, my wife tacitly approves of my affair with her, yet I've lost my way in life. What's wrong with me?

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Joy? Sorrow?

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