Can anyone tell me what to do?

Dear friends, I've been here for a while, but this is my first time writing, so please forgive any mistakes and feel free to point them out.
My coming here was by chance. My wife and I were having some problems, and I didn't know what to do. I was looking for some relationship advice to ease my pain. That's how I stumbled upon this place.
Normally, my wife and I are no different from other families, just eating, sleeping, and working every day. But everything changed because of one thing: my wife had an affair.
Her affair started seven years ago. One evening, she went out with friends, and I stayed home playing WoW as usual. Around 10 pm, I started feeling restless and couldn't concentrate on the game. I stood on the balcony smoking. A little while later, I saw a car parked near my house. Perhaps it was fate, but I felt something was wrong with the car. I looked closer and noticed the driver and passenger seats were close together, the details obscured. About seven or eight minutes later, I saw my wife get out of the passenger seat. I felt dizzy. But I pretended to be calm and went back to my computer, staring at the screen, lost in thought. When my wife came in, I asked her, "How did you get back?" She replied, "I took a taxi. There's a night service now, and it cost me a few extra dollars." I didn't say anything else, quickly washed up, and went to bed. The next day, I couldn't suppress my grief any longer, so I called her and told her what I had seen. She just said that she was hanging out with friends, and he was giving her a ride home. They talked for a while in the car, but she didn't tell me because she was afraid I would be upset. I told her that lying to me would make me even more upset. She said she wouldn't do it again. But this matter wasn't over. I secretly installed QQ chat log software on my computer. A few days later, I discovered their chat history. Actually, there wasn't anything inappropriate, except that the guy called her "darling." I printed out the log, showed it to her, and talked to her again. She said it was just a joke between friends and didn't know it would have such a big impact on me, and she admitted her mistake. I knew things weren't that simple. During that time, although I didn't say anything more to her, I always had a knot in my heart. However, I never found any more contact between them, and slowly the matter faded away, but the impact on me was devastating.
I found that the thought of her possibly sleeping with other men, of her lying naked beneath them, writhing in pleasure, gave me an unusual thrill. I love my wife; I can't leave her. I reflected on myself and realized I hadn't cared enough for her, only thinking about games and friends, neglecting her at home. I had been neglecting her. To love her is to accept everything about her. I found myself gradually becoming less upset about whether she slept with other men, and even hoping she would sleep with them and tell me about it.
This feeling lasted for six years. During this time, when we were in bed, I would say things like, "Do you enjoy being fucked by other men? Do you like it when other men fuck you?" Whenever I said these things, she was extremely disgusted, often causing our sweet moments to end hastily and unhappily. I told her, "You can go out and find men, but please don't hide it from me, as long as your heart is still with me. Your happiness is my happiness." Four years ago, we had our child
. Two
years ago, I was sent by my company to work in another city for two years. At that time, a tablet phone was all the rage, and I bought one for my wife. On a whim, I installed a text message logging app. Haha, I admit a scene from years ago has always been buried deep in my heart, occasionally surfacing to provoke me. Installing this app was probably its doing.
A few months ago, I went on a business trip for about three days. When I returned, I inexplicably checked her text messages and discovered that the night before I came back, a man had come to my house. I knew him; he was a friend of my wife's from the gym, and we had drunk together a few times. I lied and said my car had scratches, then checked the security footage and saw him leave my house around 1:00 AM. Moreover, after he left, my wife talked to another man from out of town until 4:00 AM.
I admit I was very immature in this regard. I showed her the text message records again, and this time she didn't deny it. She told me she'd been with four men in the past few years, but she was just playing around, craving the passion and the lack of mundane commitments, enjoying the happiness of being in love and the thrill of being loved by a stranger—things I couldn't give her. At that moment, I felt no anger, only a trembling excitement. Hearing her tell me firsthand that another man had actually slept with her filled me with an indescribable raw excitement. Everything I had previously suspected was now confirmed. That night, I took her many times. I thought that by accepting her infidelity, I would become a cuckold, and she would be more open with me. But I was wrong again. After that night, she still didn't want me to talk about it. I repeatedly and sincerely told her that she could go out and have fun, but she couldn't hide it from me; she had to tell me. She always thought I was provoking her, trying to provoke her. I'm certain that after talking to her, although she didn't sleep with other men anymore, we never stopped contacting each other. Knowing I could monitor her phone and QQ, she stopped using her phone and QQ. I told her how I monitored her and uninstalled everything in front of her, and I also told her about preventative measures. I only asked her to be honest with me. I was even more wrong. Every time she came home, she would delete all the sensitive records from her phone, including calls, text messages, QQ, and WeChat. We've had cold wars and hot wars, but nothing's worked. She won't tell me anything about her feelings. When I bring up our relationship or sex life, she changes the subject or simply ignores me. She sleeps with the kids at night, not in the same bed as me.
Of course, I can still sense that she has feelings for me; she doesn't want to face those topics because she doesn't want to share a bed with me. She still cares about my life as before. Some people say that when a man discovers his wife is cheating, he becomes sexually aroused, and that might be true for me. Now, if I don't have sex for two days, I feel restless. During this time, she's been accommodating, coming to see me every two or three days except during her period. Sometimes, when she's in a good mood, she'll say some provocative things, but she always refuses to tell me about her real experiences with those men. She'll go along with my fabricated stories or sexual fantasies. And during sex, she's said that if there's a chance, I can have sex with her and her friend who works out, but nothing has actually happened.
Now I don't know what I did wrong. Would she be more open if I actually had a threesome with her lover? Life is short, youth is fleeting, and I don't want her to spend her life facing only me, but I also don't want her to keep everything from me. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have silently forgiven her when I discovered her infidelity, or if forgiving was even a mistake.
I'll be away on a business trip for a long time next year, and with this mindset, I can't concentrate on my work. The more she hides things from me now, the more suspicious I become; the less I find out, the more paranoid I become. When I do find out, I'm not sad anymore, just excited.
I used to love her selfishly, wanting only to possess her alone. When I sensed she was having an affair, it felt like the sky was falling, and life lost its meaning. But I've slowly changed. I can't leave her; I have to accept and tolerate everything about her, doing my best to make her happy, but I can't stand her deception. I want her to share the pleasures of sex with me, I want her to tell me everything about her experiences outside, I even want to see her sleeping with other people. But she always avoids it.
Friends, I hope you can help me and tell me what to do.

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Can anyone tell me what to do?

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