Have you ever felt this way?

I'm not good with words, so I can only give a general overview of the situation.
Let me introduce myself first. My wife and I have been married for eight years. She is a gentle and virtuous woman. Before we got married, three or four men pursued her.
I don't know what she liked about me, but she ended up with me. I pursued her for almost a year. The most we ever did was kiss. She wouldn't even let me touch her breasts. We only had sex after we met each other's parents and were about to get our marriage certificate. My wife was a virgin when we had sex. At that time, I treated her like a goddess. Whenever I heard her say that she had held hands with another man, I felt like I wanted to kill that man. After we got married, our life was very ordinary, but there was always a kind of heartache in the ordinariness. Then our baby was born. I felt that our love was gone, and we had more of a familial bond.
Our sex life has dwindled from twice a day to about once a month. My wife focuses all her energy on the children, and sex seems indifferent to her. Since we started having sex at 69, my mind has become restless, and I've been having sex with my wife more often. I often fantasize about other men on top of her, doing various sexual positions. At those times, I get a rush of blood to my head, feeling an unprecedented excitement, and my heart races. I told my wife about this, and she called me a pervert. I told her it was just a fantasy, something to increase our sexual interest, and that our sex life had become bland, just something to add spice. My wife started to feel disgusted and even threatened to divorce me. For a long time, I couldn't get into sex; it felt tasteless. Later, after some time, I brought it up again. This time, my wife neither objected nor agreed.
Every time after that, I would tell my wife, "I'm so-and-so, look how vigorous I am, I love touching your breasts," and so on. Gradually, my wife started to respond. During sex, she wasn't so dry anymore; she seemed much wetter than before.
Another time, I mentioned the name of someone who used to compete with her for her affections (that person was her classmate; they ended up going to different universities—he got into a top-tier university, while my wife went to a vocational college; I'd met that person before). This time, my wife became wet after only a few thrusts. The fluid from her vagina flowed down my penis towards her anus. I'd never seen my wife so wet before. This was the most enjoyable time we had.
We did it several more times afterward, and I said the same thing to her, "How about I find you a man?" This time, my wife didn't object. She even let me do it twice in one night, and she didn't seem tired at all, which had never happened before. A few days later, when we did it again, I asked my wife if I could find her someone. She then made some demands: someone sunny and handsome, clean-looking, and not older than us. I was incredibly excited, excited for several nights in a row. I even wrote an article specifically to help my wife find someone. Later, after some time, I calmly thought about it. I wondered if this would affect our family? Would it affect our lives? What if my wife ran off with someone else? What if my wife became very promiscuous? Did I really like that kind of wife? I thought about all of this carefully for a long time, and I used work to numb myself and stop thinking about it. When we made love, we went back to how we were before, without fantasies. Recently, my wife asked me if I was really going to find someone for her. Her question brought me back to reality. This time, we had a very fulfilling sex life, and I felt great.
Then one time, my wife forgot her phone on the bed. I noticed a message popping up on her QQ, so I checked it out. To my surprise, it was her classmate, the one I mentioned earlier. They were planning to meet up in their hometown after the New Year for a hookup. My wife even sent him a picture of herself wearing only underwear! I felt like the world had changed. I was completely disoriented. I didn't confront her. I only ate one bowl of rice in three days. I finally understood what it meant to be unable to eat or drink. I felt my wife shouldn't have kept it from me. If she had told me openly, I wouldn't have objected. I'm now at rock bottom, and I have a suicidal urge. I want to rush over and kill that guy. Have any of you guys ever felt this way? This feeling is indescribable. I think he's incredibly promiscuous, like he's leaking everywhere. Later, I secretly looked at their chat history; they were even having sex via text. I couldn't stand it anymore. Have any of you guys ever felt this way? Do you think I should let them do it, or expose them? I want my wife to be happy and let him experience sexual pleasure, but I also feel like I can't let go. Am I being too petty, or do I love my wife too much?

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Have you ever felt this way?

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