The things that happened because of my sister-in-law

It's said that Chinese people have a deep-seated "sister-in-law complex," and I originally thought I didn't. Later, I discovered my feelings ran deeper than anyone else's, to the point that I suffered terribly because of it for years, affecting my entire life and its direction.
The first time I met my sister-in-law, she was only ten years old, just a little kid. I was very dutiful in my role as her brother-in-law—easygoing and enthusiastic. Sometimes I was her brother-in-law, sometimes her playmate, sometimes a strict father, sometimes
a good friend. As she grew older, I occasionally played the role of a slightly ambiguous male companion. I'm not entirely sure what age she was when I first smelled her underwear, but I'm certain she was over 170cm tall. With age, her feminine characteristics and womanhood became increasingly apparent. The years spent studying in our family's school environment changed her habits, and the deliberate cultivation of her character gradually made her surpass other women in my eyes, appearing exceptionally outstanding and attractive.
I once saw a quote in some inspirational posts on social media, something like, "Generally, one person's feelings for another, due to hormones, can only last for three months at most before fading." If it's been more than three months, then it's love. If this is science, I think I'm already unilaterally dying of passion.
Smelling her underwear has become a habit for a long time. Given any opportunity, I'll recklessly indulge in this act, unable to control myself. I firmly believe she knows about this fetish and will intentionally or unintentionally cooperate until the next day before taking the clothes out to wash. Of course, although we both know "the other might be doing this," we naturally maintain a greater distance as we age. This distance stems from my deep self-reproach for my behavior, her not rejecting it despite discovering it, and the extreme thoughts arising from the conflict caused by family ethics that forbid any transgression.
This contradictory thinking, coupled with the open sexual attitudes and convenient conditions in coastal areas, makes it easy for men to cheat physically. Everything is a process of quantitative change leading to qualitative change. Until one day, during marital sex, the image of my wife being taken down by someone else appeared in my mind, making me inexplicably excited to the point that I wanted to actually experience it.
First, there was a mental infidelity, followed by a physical one. This dual infidelity, both mental and physical, repeatedly blurred the lines of values, ultimately leading to a loss of self. This gradual transformation is as inevitable as a lucky thief turning into a master bandit. I firmly believe that anyone with this mindset will experience periods of intense excitement and periods of deep despair, never truly able to remain calm and collected even in the dark.
But how to break free from this predicament? I am still caught in it, without a way out. Who can break this cycle? I plead for help from those in the martial arts world.

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The things that happened because of my sister-in-law

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