Heart-to-heart talk with my wife

I've been married to my wife for almost 15 years. From our dating days to the first two years of our marriage, our sex life was very harmonious. Although she rarely initiated, she never refused when I wanted her and was very cooperative. However, since having children, her libido has gradually decreased, and she's become increasingly averse to sex. In recent years, we've only had sex once a month after her period ends, after I persistently pursue her (there were a few times when I was too frustrated to persist). Counting on my fingers, we've only had sex about 20 times in the last two years. My sexual frustration and my wife's frigidity have fueled my "cuckoldry" tendencies. Sometimes I wonder if her frigidity stems from not experiencing higher, faster, and stronger sexual stimulation. Sometimes I try to talk to her about threesomes or single men, but each time I get a lecture, either calling me "perverted" or "filthy"... It's very distressing. My wife is a gentle and conservative woman. Since we got married, she's gradually distanced herself from her old social circle, and her days consist of going to get off work, coming home, and visiting her in-laws and parents. Aside from watching TV and reading novels on her phone, she never chats with anyone on QQ or WeChat. About six months ago, she reconnected with a former colleague from her single days before marriage, and they started chatting on WeChat daily. One of the men on the group had pursued my wife back then, but I rejected him. In August and September, they organized two road trips, both with this man and several other women. I could tell this man was exceptionally enthusiastic towards my wife. Although I wasn't entirely happy about it, we've been married for over ten years, and I couldn't distrust her. Besides, my wife rarely goes out like this, so despite my displeasure, I was still supportive. About ten days ago, I checked my wife's phone twice and found that the chat history with the female colleague she talked to most was cleared the day before, while the man's chat history was completely gone. However, other chats, even just greetings and emojis, were still there. This made me suspicious, but I didn't want to suddenly ask her about it without a suitable opportunity. The day before yesterday, she told me that they were planning another two-day trip in a few days. I think I should remind her: "It's not good for men and women to go out like that all the time; problems will arise sooner or later." My wife was surprised: "What problems? It's not as complicated as you think. Just hanging out with ordinary friends and there's already a problem? Do you think everyone is as freakish as you?" "There's no such thing as ordinary friendship between men and women. Tell me, doesn't so-and-so treat you differently from other female colleagues? Besides, even the most ordinary and pure male-female friendships will eventually lead to sex. You can say I don't understand women, but I know what men are thinking. I believe you, but I also believe that even the most aloof saint can't withstand a man's repeated, persistent pursuit." My wife: "Heh, don't you like this? Don't you always tell me these things? What's wrong! Are you scared now?" Hearing my wife say that, I felt a mix of excitement and bitterness. "These are two different things," I said. "What I meant was pure entertainment without any inhibitions. This is clearly bullying. He, so-and-so, clearly knows me, knows me, and yet he still tries to make a move on my wife—that's ignoring me, that's bullying me. He clearly knows you have a husband, children, and a harmonious, happy family, and yet he still wants to do this or that—that's bullying you." Seeing my agitation, my wife remained silent, just smiling foolishly and responding with "Oh," "Oh." "Actually, things between men and women aren't a big deal, but if something really happens, in his eyes I'm just a fool. Your colleagues, his friends, everyone around us, even our family, will find out sooner or later…" My wife laughed, "Hahaha, so it's just a matter of face, huh? Nothing else matters?" “Yes, it seems like a matter of saving face, but actually we're the ones who get hurt. I’ve said before, I’m very open-minded about these things. As long as it doesn’t affect our family relationship or our marital bond—for example, if we don’t know each other, aren’t from the local area, and are unlikely to meet in the future—I won’t object to you going out and having some fun. If he’s young and handsome, I’ll even strongly support him,” I said, my wife blushing and staring at me blankly. “Life is only a few decades long. If we’re both healthy, we can enjoy sex for another ten years or so. If we don’t enjoy life now, we’ll regret it when we can’t even have sex anymore.” My wife said, “Okay then, I’ll find a few more handsome guys to play with.” …While I was still basking in the excitement of my wife’s slight change, she said, “…Don’t just stand there, hurry up and get ready for dinner.” I knew that in a little while she would revert to her old “sexual indifference” state.

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Heart-to-heart talk with my wife

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