A less-than-successful participation

Married to my wife for over ten years, passion has faded. The frequency of our intimacy has increased from two or three times a week to two or three times a month, and I've gone from a vibrant young man to someone in my forties. Yet, my libido remains, and I often think about it, sometimes resorting to self-satisfaction.
Before and after my marriage, my traditional values influenced me, making me quite conservative and generally opposed to infidelity. However, due to various factors (I won't elaborate on this due to privacy concerns, but I'll discuss it later), I've had several affairs, each time leaving a lasting impression on the other
woman, who often wants to see me again. I struggle internally, fearing that developing feelings would jeopardize my family and career, leading to my recent solitary life. Haha. Considering my past infidelity, I've developed a strange desire to switch partners, but my wife is conservative and always looks at me with suspicion whenever I bring it up. One incident worth mentioning is when we were making love (usually with the lights off), my wife put one arm around my waist and the other on my face, asking, "Who are you?" I seized the opportunity and said, "Who do you think I am?" Then I laughed it off, not sure if that was the beginning.
A few years ago, I had dinner with a friend I wasn't very close to. He invited his live-in girlfriend to join us, and the three of us drank some beer. As we drank, he ignored me (we were in a small cubicle in the lobby), putting his arm around my waist and touching my buttocks, behaving very intimately, eventually feeding me beer with his mouth. I'm not exactly a saint, so you can imagine how fast my heart was pounding. I excused myself to go to the bathroom (it's easy to do this after drinking beer), and when I came back a little more sober, that guy had his girlfriend sitting on him, one hand inside her shirt rubbing her breasts, and the other hand lifting her skirt and rubbing his genitals through her underwear. I was about to turn away when he just chuckled and let go, returning to normal. What's worse, his girlfriend looked at me with a shifty gaze and her cheeks flushed. Later, after we parted ways, he invited me to his home, but I made an excuse and left (I still regret it to this day, haha). If I had gone with him that day, perhaps something different would have happened.

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A less-than-successful participation

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