The Eccentrics of the Cuckolding World Are Growing Up: Part 1 of a Psychological Self-Narration

This is my first blog post.
A while ago, fueled by the passion of becoming a professional programmer, I tinkered with Lantern to bypass the Great Firewall, hoping to access Google and look at code to enhance my professional skills. However, the first thing I did after bypassing the firewall wasn't GitHub or Google Scholar, but Pornhub, Xvideo, and so on. It was during this time that I came across 69 Couples Paradise, which immediately awakened my cuckoldry tendencies. After reading many posts shared by members, combined with my own experiences, I was deeply moved and felt that there were like-minded people in this forum. After much hesitation, I registered an account and joined this community, hoping to grow and exchange ideas with other enthusiasts.
I consider 69 Couples Paradise the Zhihu of the couples' dating community. From many members' blog posts, it's clear that many are sharing real experiences; they are pioneers and experienced individuals whose valuable experiences are invaluable to someone like me who is new to the community. This is a major reason why I joined. Of course, there are good and bad among them; many are just pretending to be friends and using the guise of friendship to sleep with other people's wives. It's easy to spot them at a glance, and all I can do is laugh it off.
My personal experience may differ from most members, leading me to conclude that I have a natural cuckold fetish. Many members' and friends' stories show that after marriage, as the relationship between husband and wife became less intense, and through constant interaction with like-minded couples, they embarked on this path. My own journey was slightly different.
My introduction to cuckoldry came from online novels, long before I had a girlfriend. It was probably around 2008, when I first started university, that I came across a erotic novel, *Love in the Sea*, and was deeply moved by the quietly blossoming passion of the female protagonist, Ning Hui. The hardships and humiliations of Ning's husband also gave me a particularly poignant feeling. Back then, I was young and read many other erotic novels, including cuckoldry novels and novels about mothers.
The novel *Love in the Sea* portrays marital intimacy in an overly idyllic way, especially since the author consciously downplays his own psychological struggles and entanglements during the process, using humor to mask his inner pain and turmoil. These are things I, in my youth, didn't understand. Guided by this beautiful ideal, I personally practiced the ideas in *Love in the Sea* during a relationship. The process was successful, but the ending was disastrous; I haven't fully recovered to this day. I'll leave the story for later. Later, I met two people who worked in the sex industry. These two people gave me some insights on another level, making me reflect on my cuckoldry fetish from a different perspective. One was a prostitute named Ya Ya, from Sichuan. She used to work in Suzhou Street, Haidian District, Beijing, offering Dongguan-style services. Her service was excellent; she was quiet and created an atmosphere where one could relax and open up. After getting to know her better, I told her about my fetish and asked her to play my girlfriend, then verbally provoke me. Under my prompting, she gradually uttered a series of provocative words. For example, "Honey, Mr. Wang from the company asked me out to dinner, should I go?" "Honey, Mr. Wang is so manly, his nose is so big, his penis must be big too..." The intensity gradually increased, and I succumbed little by little...
"Tell me, is it me or Mr. Wang who's better?" -------- "Mr. Wang is better, honey, please, let Mr. Wang fuck me for the rest of my life, as long as Mr. Wang fucks me, I'll agree to anything, honey!" I don't know how many times we pretended and acted out this scene before the above conversation came about. I ejaculated inside her while hearing those words. It felt really good at the time, but I was also confused. Was this the kind of sentence I had been pursuing, the psychological meaning and stimulation behind that sentence? Every time I asked my wife if she enjoyed being with another man, was that the answer I wanted? The answer seems to be yes.
Oh, and also, during my time with Ya Ya, I made an unbelievable request, asking her if she could put a dildo in my anus, and then I would have sex with her while having sex with her. Yaya, no, but she happily took a long, cylindrical object, put a condom on it, and used it as a substitute. Does that seem a bit perverted? I didn't realize the significance of this at first, but after seeing a success story shared—a guy who, during a threesome with his wife and a single man, was penetrated by the single man, experiencing bisexual sex—I connected my own proactive seeking of penises and anal penetration with my cuckoldry fetish. Of course, the following experience is further evidence. During this period, I proactively met several TSs (men who had breast augmentation and plastic surgery, but also had penises). Perhaps with Yaya, I seemed to experience a stronger masculine power, so I subconsciously sought male stimulation. At first, I was mostly the bottom, sucking the TS's penis, but later I became dissatisfied and resolved to be the top. The later times were perfect top performances. Later, my ambition grew; I said I had to sleep with a man to boost my prestige. I met a CD from Jinsong, Beijing, who was the second person who inspired me. Later, I discovered that there were many TS and CDs in Beijing, especially in Jinsong, Shuangjing, and Shilihe. Originally, I thought I had to sleep with a man to psychologically restore my virility. But in the end, it was the CD who did it to me, and I looked at him but felt no sexual desire, unlike what I had imagined—I couldn't get hard. What made me even more disheartened was that he had good stamina and smoothly controlled my rhythm from start to finish. At that moment, I felt like I was surrendering to another man, being possessed in a lowly and subservient way. At that moment, I truly felt like I had become a woman.
Later, I chatted with this CD and learned a lot, which broadened my horizons. He said that men and women are not much different; when they are satisfied, they tremble all over. Moreover, men are more horny than women, even actively seeking to be fucked. In his words, fucking a man is actually more pleasurable than fucking a woman. I asked if it was psychological or physical pleasure? He said it was both. I also told him about my cuckoldry fetish. He said he had met several men who enjoyed watching him fuck his wife while he masturbated. Several times, he felt that having sex with the woman wasn't enough, so he had sex with the man instead. In his words, having sex with a woman was 100% pleasurable, having sex with a man was 200%, and having sex with her husband in front of her was over 300%. This corresponds to the bisexual experience I saw on a forum. I can really understand that guy's feelings. This guy said that the men he encountered with cuckoldry tendencies generally didn't have very good sexual abilities.
After saying all this, I have two takeaways: First, talking and exchanging ideas with experienced people can help you grow quickly. This is true in other areas, and it's also true in the area of sex. Because this is an area that people rarely talk about, and everyone gropes in the dark.
Second, my own strange developmental experience wasn't so bad after all; in retrospect, it seems to have followed the laws of human nature step by step.
Personally, I feel that there's a type of person in the world of couples who are similar to me. There's a feminine element within me, a yearning for conquest by another man. My wife experiencing greater orgasms under another man is proof of this conquest. I've already passed through this stage. Another form of conquest is a more authentic, direct relationship with a man, being conquered by him. I've also gone through this stage. The other type of man I'm looking for is my opposite—someone with a strong sense of power, capable of controlling the situation and dictating the pace, with a strong desire to conquer. To summarize using Freudian concepts, sadism and masochism are a pair, appearing together.
Here's the tragedy. Damn it, I'm not even married yet, and I've already gone down both paths. What will I do when I have a wife? How will I manage marriage and my partner? I feel I need to consult with all of you members on this issue. Please leave your comments and guidance. Thank you!

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The Eccentrics of the Cuckolding World Are Growing Up: Part 1 of a Psychological Self-Narration

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