On this side of the dream, I pour out my heart.

As people reach middle age, a harmonious family is what everyone hopes for. Actually, our family isn't exactly harmonious; after all, every family has its own problems. My eldest brother and I have been together for almost a year now, and in that year, I've experienced the romance and passion of youth, and the feeling of being cared for and loved. I haven't described my eldest brother much in writing, which might lead some to misunderstand. Today, I'll briefly introduce him. My eldest brother and his brothers have been friends since elementary and middle school, but my husband and I are the only ones who grew up together, so we're closer. The reason he borrowed money from my husband was actually suggested by my fifth brother, which I haven't elaborated on in the text. Initially, my eldest brother wanted to sell our house to buy an apartment for his eldest child's wedding, but he didn't have enough money, so he went to this... Several sworn brothers lent money, but not my husband. I think he felt guilty and didn't want to trouble him. My husband is the richest among them, while the others are about the same amount. So, it was the fifth brother who suggested borrowing from him. The brothers each contributed a little, but my husband ended up paying the majority. The eldest brother also said he felt very sorry for my husband and felt ashamed. Sometimes, in impulsive situations, we lose our rationality and make wrong decisions, one mistake after another. I understand the eldest brother's feelings; after all, they've been brothers since childhood, and he has the deepest bond with my husband. I sometimes reflect deeply on myself, but the eldest brother's place is already in my heart, indelible and unforgettable. My husband and I didn't get along very well before, and arguments between couples are normal. Perhaps it was just a matter of timing, circumstances, and circumstances that allowed the eldest brother to remain in my heart.
As others say, the eldest brother's appearance isn't average; in my eyes, he's ugly and rustic. But his temperament, his care and love for others, are things my husband can't match. Because my husband is so suspicious, since I married him, I've only known relatives, friends, and his brothers. I don't know any other men. Plus, I'm a homebody and don't like going out, so I feel incredibly lonely. Then his older brother came into the picture, and that made me feel less lonely. That's why I slowly fell in love with him. Today, I talked a lot with him about our future. We both need to restrain ourselves. We both have families now, and if we're discovered, it won't be as simple as divorce; it will involve many things, unlike my affair which resulted in a divorce. His older brother also lamented that he wouldn't be so impulsive anymore. Maybe everyone is the same; we don't see each other often, but when we do, we feel impulsive, including me. Actually, I think I'm the most selfish one. I don't want to lose my family, I don't want to lose my older brother, and I want to live like this forever, until I die. I've also thought about what if the person I cheated with wasn't my older brother but someone else? Would I be so conflicted? I don't think so. It would just be a different relationship. My older brother and I still have to continue our journey. I'll control my emotions and remain secret lovers. I'm a detail-oriented person and don't want to miss any scene or dialogue. Perhaps my writing is particularly explicit, and different people will interpret the descriptions differently. Middle age, especially the age of intense desire, is when one craves love and care. My husband neglected this, which led to him being replaced by my older brother. Besides mutual care, my older brother and I also had physical intimacy, which took us further. Two lovers, yearning for each other day and night, communicating only through a mobile phone, unable to meet in person. When they finally met, it was like dry tinder igniting a blazing fire. Seeing everyone's comments and differing opinions, I understand that people have different perspectives. Whether it's those who are obsessed with sex or watching their wives being exploited, we are not the same kind of people. Everyone has their own preferences. I belong only to my husband and older brother, and I only want a sincere love. My explicit and erotic writing doesn't mean I'm promiscuous. Women all have their own aspects; don't see all women as the same—that's a misunderstanding. I just want to preserve the beautiful moments, every second of memory, to look back on and vent when I'm alone. I would like to thank the members of the Paradise family who truly care about me. Although I don't know them personally, I can still distinguish between good and bad comments. Thank you sincerely, and I will continue to share my experiences and life.

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On this side of the dream, I pour out my heart.

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