The wife's desire for a threesome is strong, but it's difficult to happen again.

It's been over four years since our first threesome, and we've had it three or four times in total. Each time, my wife seems very excited and enjoys it. It's always the same single man, a friend of mine.
Before, the threesomes were always in the dark. All three of us knew who the other was, but we pretended not to, probably because we were too embarrassed in real life. In fact, my wife and my friend haven't had a chance to see each other again in real life, except during threesomes.
My friend is handsome, strong, about 1.8 meters tall, and has great stamina. My wife is 1.65 meters
tall and hasn't lost weight since giving birth; she's very voluptuous. Maybe because of this, sometimes when I suggest a threesome, she always says she'll wait until she loses weight. When my friend is with my wife, she seems to enjoy it immensely, moaning loudly, getting very wet, and actively giving him oral sex, looking incredibly satisfied. But the next time I suggest a threesome, she always refuses. So, from summer until now, we've only had one threesome, and she said it's the last time.
My friend definitely doesn't like my wife's voluptuous figure; he prefers a slimmer woman. But maybe for the thrill, we've had threesomes a few times. Now, when I ask him to come, he always says he's either busy or it's too late. It's really frustrating.
Maybe it's because of the threesomes, or maybe it's because of my body, but I always ejaculate very early. Occasionally, I'll masturbate a few times because without a threesome, it just doesn't feel right. I don't want to have a threesome with strangers; it feels unreliable. Every time I masturbate, I imagine my friend's penis inside my wife's voluptuous vagina, his mouth inside hers, and then she kisses me.
Last night was the same. My wife is in our son's room sleeping with him every day and didn't come to see me last night. My friend said he was busy and hasn't come. I feel so pathetic. I woke up this morning very angry and decided that after writing this post, I'll masturbate. Every time I masturbate, I feel like I've changed completely and never think about it again. Maybe that's the only solution.
I'm not sure exactly when this cuckolding mentality started, maybe it started when I was a teenager and read about pornography and visited adult websites. I only wanted to make my wife feel good, to see her climax, but I couldn't give her that myself, and that was a big part of it. The first time we had a threesome, my wife had never moaned like that before, which terrified me. I thought my friend's penis was too big and hurt her, but she said it didn't hurt and that it felt good, so I was relieved.

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The wife's desire for a threesome is strong, but it's difficult to happen again.

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