Reflections of a single man who's just a backup option

Last August, I was thrown to the ground with a thud, and it took me a long, long time to recover. Unexpectedly, I fell again this September. This time, because of the previous experience, it wasn't so bad, but I never want to walk that path again, because I'm afraid I'll fall again next October. What was once a beautiful memory in my heart now feels devoid of beauty; I feel my sincerity being trampled upon, and there's an element of deception involved. The term "backup plan" is quite fitting. They knew me long ago, so the novelty wore off, but seeing my genuine feelings for them, they felt a pang of reluctance, and so the entanglement continued. And I, as a backup plan, was quite competent; when they were cold to me, I fawned over them, but when they were warm, I took notice. People are truly despicable, or perhaps I am! I didn't cherish the couples who were good to me, yet I developed feelings for them, and their actions caused me pain. It's like that saying: you like every flower to be wet with dew at night. But behind her, besides him, there are four other men. A year ago, I discovered one; today, two more; how many will there be next year? I don't want to know anymore, because a broken heart is worse than silent grief. They were the first couple I knew, and they said I was their first single man. However, that remains to be verified, as many of their claims have been proven wrong, and I don't need to verify them anymore. Ironically, today I told him I'd discovered two more people, and he actually praised me for being amazing! What's so amazing about me? First, someone else really told me this time. Second, if I did it, why would I be afraid of others knowing? The landmark near their house has become synonymous with them; mentioning that place almost always means it's them. How ridiculous! And he's already forgotten what he said before. He told me that if I went there, he wouldn't see anyone else, and if he did, he'd tell me. I found out, and he still tried to hide it from me. Is this his sincerity towards me? He said he was afraid I'd be angry if I found out. If he'd be angry, why didn't he tell me before seeing other people? He knew and still hid it from me? Perhaps he never considered my feelings in anything he did; that's the best answer. I admit I've seen other couples, but before I did, I asked if you minded, and the answer was no. There's no point in discussing this now. I just admire his shrewdness—keeping me in a relationship and allowing me to continue investing emotionally while secretly finding someone else. I really want to know what his purpose was. Did he not want to give up such a suitable backup plan? But three years of entanglement—how precious are three years for someone around thirty? Now I have no feelings, no car, no house. I thought I had gained a special kind of affection that normal people don't have, but the dream is over. What's left? My distrust of relationships, and the fear of ever investing emotionally again! Are you satisfied now? My once beloved older brother! I have to pay the price for my choices, and I accept it! I admit I lost completely. You got what you wanted. From now on, I dare not recall it, because memories are always accompanied by pain. All I can do is wish you well. Every cause has an effect, and every effect has a cause. Perhaps if I had done it like them and left, nothing would have happened—maybe that's what you needed. Or perhaps I trusted you too much, thinking you were so perfect. Honestly, what right do I have to expect your devotion and sincerity? It seems I have none at all. I'm not trying to blame anyone, just feeling resentful because I've invested my emotions, yet I always feel like I'm being pulled along, floating in the air, unable to land, unable to escape, just adrift, with nowhere to settle. I advise those curious men: once a woman actually accepts this, there's no turning back. All talk of chastity and virtue is fake. One is the same as two or three; it's just a matter of having none or countless times. I also advise single men not to invest their emotions; you'll definitely be the one who gets hurt. Of course, if you have the capacity, perhaps the man will be the one who gets hurt. And to couples who constantly demand high standards, consider what you can accept. If you can't accept emotional entanglement, cut it off decisively, otherwise you'll always get hurt. If it's just for fun, then let's be clear: playing with animalistic mating while trying to develop human emotions will definitely lead to problems. I've already told them to leave it at that; no contact, no meetings—that's probably the best outcome. Let me ask my married friends: If you've been dating a single man for a year, things are going well, and you've developed feelings for each other, what would you do if you wanted to find a new single man? First, tell him and invite him into the relationship. Second, keep it a secret and continue seeing him normally. If you choose the second option, what would you do if he finds out? Continue to hide it or tell him the truth? Third, eliminate him and find someone else!

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Reflections of a single man who's just a backup option

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