【Smiling Seaweed】

I first met Xiao Bei when I was a junior in college.
That day, Lian Zhen injured his foot playing basketball and asked me to pick up a new student at the station for him. Although I wasn't interested in student council matters
, I couldn't refuse a friend's request.
A bunch of us stood there dumbfounded under the blazing sun when suddenly a voice called out behind me, "
Senior Hai Zao, watch out for cars!" The owner of the voice pulled my arm forcefully. I turned to look at him; he was
a tall, sunny boy with snow-white teeth, like Chen Sihan. I smiled at him and said thank you. I soon forgot about it
.
Half a month later, I unexpectedly received an anonymous gift. I was just surprised that someone would know I liked
female singers from small countries. These were songs that were very hard to find. The person only said they were doing it for someone else and wouldn't reveal more. I
said thank you again, feeling warm inside.
The next day, Xiao Bei messaged me asking if I still liked the Hai Zao CD. I hurriedly replied, "Little friend
, you're so thoughtful! I don't know how to thank you enough." He said, "Then let me treat you to dinner." What could I say? Young
boys are so adorable.
That evening, Xiao Bei picked me up on his motorcycle. Standing downstairs, he looked like a tree in spring.
I thought, "A boy like that will be successful in college." I was dressed as usual in a white cotton t-shirt, red cotton pants, and my usual sneakers. I only
brought a box of chocolates as a return gift. Anyone would love something that brings happiness.
Unexpectedly, what I thought was a casual meal turned out to be the only revolving Western restaurant in the city, and unexpectedly, Xiao
Bei's parents were also there. I could only smile and sit down, saying "Uncle and Aunt," while giving Xiao Bei a knowing look, seemingly annoyed by his abruptness.
His aunt smiled and said, "Xiao Bei has finally brought a girl out after 20 birthdays." My heart skipped a beat.
Of course, I knew what the young man was thinking. His uncle also smiled.
Naturally, some busybodies had already told me what kind of person Xiao Bei's father, Song Siming, was in this city.
Nothing more than money. There are rich people everywhere in this world, yet I live such a hard life. It's ridiculous.
The atmosphere at the birthday dinner was warm. They were just talking about Xiao Bei's childhood, seemingly trying to convey something to me
. I sat opposite Song Siming, and I could feel him staring intently at me. I had no desires or wants from the Song family,
so of course I ate my fill.
The autumn evening breeze was as gentle as ever. When they saw me downstairs, Xiao Bei's eyes were gentler than the evening breeze.
His eyes were bright as he looked at me. I smiled casually and said, "You should at least have told me beforehand. Happy birthday." He
was still looking at me, so I had to add, "The red wine is nice."
He blurted out, "And what about me?" I replied, "You're a very good boy."
Xiao Bei looked at me very seriously. "Senior Hai Zao, everyone in the department knows Xiao Bei likes you."
"Xiao Bei, you've been misled. I haven't interacted much with people in the department, so I didn't know you were so blindly devoted.
I'm not the right girl for you..."
He didn't seem to be listening to what I was saying. Suddenly, he brought his face close, his eyelashes touching, looking straight
into my eyes. I quickly lowered my head. What could I say to this kid? This was truly unexpected
.
I could only pat his face and say, "Go back to sleep, sweetie."
After that, my relationship with Xiao Bei remained lukewarm. Such a good boy. What did I do to deserve him? Besides, I
didn't have time or energy for romance during my youth. My early twenties were such a wonderful age, yet all that
sweetness I could only observe from afar.
I saw Song Siming for the second time, about two weeks after Xiao Bei's birthday.
That day, I came down from the 7th floor of the hotel, my coat in my hand. My whole body ached. Gritting my teeth, I stepped out
of the elevator and bumped into Song Siming. His expression was quite surprised. He probably hadn't expected to see me there,
much less that I was in such a sorry state.
I could only force a smile at him, my face swollen like a pig's head, "Uncle Song."
He naturally knew what kind of business this top-tier hotel in the city did. Without saying anything, he pulled me
straight to the parking lot. Sitting in the car, he said, "Haizao, shall we go to the hospital?"
I felt embarrassed, but didn't feel I should leave, "Uncle Song, I'm fine. Going to the hospital will cost a lot
of money. I'll be fine in a few days." He didn't move. He just looked at me quietly. After a long time, he softly asked
, "Haizao, what happened? Why…?"
I was very embarrassed. I never like explaining anything to others. Song Siming, do you want me to tell you that just now,
that Japanese devil let me fondle his useless manhood in my hands, lick it in my mouth, and
rub it against my chest and genitals, while his little brother could only droop his head in despair, and suddenly, with a few heavy
breaths, a few drops of semen dripped onto my blooming petals? Do you want me to tell you
that the Japanese devil's expression, twisted with anger, as he trembled and hung me from the door frame with two ropes,
pricked me with needles, hit me with his fat palms, and thrust his disgusting fingers into my genitals...? Song Siming,
is it out of curiosity or something else? Your age and status shouldn't be like this.
Meeting his eyes. I've never liked looking people in the eye. My eyes flicker even when I speak.
But his eyes made me feel calm. A fifty-year-old man, yet his eyes were so calm.
So I said, "Uncle Song, look, the weather is getting cold. I don't even have a decent winter coat.
I'm not a vain girl, I'm just really broke and struggling. I
didn't expect today's customer to be so perverted, but he was willing to give so much money, 1000 yuan, that's enough for me for two months. A little
injury is nothing to worry about..."
He still looked at me quietly. For some reason, I suddenly cried. My heart wasn't as indifferent as it seemed on the surface.
Suddenly, I was willing to say many things. "The first customer tormented me all night and gave me 3000 yuan, which
lasted me for half a year. Uncle Song, I've never been in love, I've lost all illusions and the right to love. It's not that I haven't been sad
. This society laughs at poverty but not prostitution. I am my own only support. Survival is just a desire, there is no
such thing as joy or sorrow."
He said, "Haizao, you are not a girl suitable for doing this kind of thing. Actually, we originally thought you were a little..."
Bei's girlfriend. "
So that afternoon we sat in the car. It was the first time I realized how much I needed to confide in someone.
There was still blood on the corner of my mouth, and my arms, chest, and buttocks were covered in bruises. I spoke softly to Song Siming about my orphanhood
, how I struggled to get through each day on my own. No one else knew any of this. Most
of the time I didn't speak, I lied when I needed to. Life is as resilient as weeds. I just knew I should
live well, but I didn't understand the meaning of life.
But I didn't find everything bitter. This is my destiny. I have to bear it. Bear it alone. No
matter what I do, it's all for money. Studying is one thing, selling myself is another.
When I finally finished talking about what had been weighing on my heart for years, I felt a sense of release. He lit a cigarette and handed it to me.
I knew this man had the ability to easily change the life and fate of an ordinary girl. But at this
moment Waiting beside me were only a pair of ears, not the entire fortune behind Song Siming.
Then I asked him to take me home to shower and sleep. He didn't say anything, just started the car.
Driving through the bustling streets, I felt incredibly tired, as if most of my life had been wasted, my hands still empty
, and the things I wanted seemed almost impossible. Leaning back in my seat, the streetlights illuminating my
eyes, I suddenly burst into tears. We arrived. I got out and said thank you. Song Siming suddenly pulled me into his arms, stroking 　　my hair
with his fatherly hand . I took a deep breath, feeling like I had walked a long, dark road and could finally rest. 　　His voice was above me, "When I first saw you, I thought to myself, if this girl 　　wasn't Xiao Bei's girlfriend…" I looked away from him, at this calm, collected 　　man with the air of time's passage. "Xiao Bei is a very good boy. I understand his heart. Uncle Song, I won't. I know 　　what I should and shouldn't do." 　　 We didn't contact each other after that night. Xiao Bei was shocked to see me during a break between classes, blaming me for always being so 　　careless, bringing a bunch of medicine to my dorm. But I still didn't accept his date. I have low self-esteem 　　; I don't think I'm a worthy woman, especially since he's such a clean and innocent boy. 　　His sunny disposition makes me unable to look him in the eye. For many years, I've tried my best to isolate myself from them, perhaps that's what 　　makes me different from other girls, but I don't think I'm any more special than them. 　　 With final exams over and winter break approaching, I was diligently looking for part-time jobs. College students are cheap labor 　　, with very low wages. Just then, Song Siming called, and we met at Shangdao Coffee. 　　 My hair was tied in a simple ponytail, and I wore a military green pullover sweater under a red down jacket. Perhaps I've always hoped 　　to be just another face in the crowd, not to dress up. So many young girls earn money to buy flowers, while I just 　　need to eat. Selling my body was just a temporary measure; perhaps subconsciously I still hoped a destined soulmate would appear 　　to save me from my predicament, so I felt that degrading myself was sinful. 　　 Song Siming arrived early, smiling warmly. I sat down and looked at him directly. He was still a handsome and strong man, 　　but he had truly aged; even in the dim light of the café, I could see the loose skin on his neck. 　　 The lemonade was cold. Song Siming spoke first, "I've been very busy lately, with a project in the Dabie Mountains. Things 　　haven't been good, because I've been thinking of you." 　　 I don't know if it was the lemonade running down my fingers, but they felt cold too. In all my years, I can't remember 　　how many men with indistinct faces I've received money from. Today, suddenly a man sat across from me and told me he 　　wasn't doing well, that he was thinking of me. 　　 I looked up at him, speechless for a long time. I had never truly looked at a man before, and suddenly I 　　felt like crying. 　　 He made me feel safe. This feeling is rare. That's why I cherish it. Perhaps this is why I didn't 　　accept Xiao Bei's date but came to see Song Siming instead. My long and arduous growth had never received any pity. Many years have 　　passed. Yet, my features have grown increasingly childlike. I know I don't need a man, I need a father. 　　A strong role model and idol. But... people are cold and calculating. The world is restless. Who has the patience to treat 　　a child kindly? 　　 Song asked me about my holiday plans. I said it was nothing more than making money, maybe traveling. That's how I've always lived. 　　 He said, "I won't be here this winter until spring. That railway will take a long time to build, and I'll need to be 　　on-site to coordinate things at the beginning. If you don't mind, I hope you can spend your holiday with me." 　　 Clever as I am, of course I understand. Without thinking further, I said okay. Even if it wasn't Song Siming, I 　　would still agree. Money is the most important thing. Eat, dress, study, and when the world is at peace, then tell me 　　about true love between men and women. 　　 I said, "Uncle Song, thank you. This way I don't have to work so hard. Even the corners of my fingernails 　　betray my exhaustion and despair. You know it's not that I can't endure hardship, it's just the feeling of having no one to rely on in this vast world..." 　　He placed his hand on mine, and I stopped. I know complaining is pointless, and venting is poison. At this 　　moment, these warm hands shouldn't ask for anything more. 　　 It was already past 10 pm when we arrived on the island. Getting into Song Siming's Mercedes, I didn't ask where we were going. Actually, 　　it didn't matter; my fate was already sealed! I just hoped to grasp at a straw, but 　　what that straw was, I didn't know. Was it Song Siming? All the way, Song simply held my hand gently, 　　neither looking at me nor speaking. The perfect silence gradually calmed my tense heart. 　　 The moment we entered the hotel suite, I suddenly wondered if this was my liberation or my hell. As soon as we entered, 　　Song started kissing and licking my ears frantically. How could he know that this was my most sensitive spot? I also started 　　unbuckling Song's belt, took out his penis, and diligently gave him oral sex. Song's penis immediately 　　hardened under my stimulation, and we started making love like madmen. Each thrust was so forceful, as 　　if Song was about to penetrate my entire vagina. That long-awaited, sweet, and adorable orgasm arrived instantly. I used 　　all my strength to keep myself from making a sound, afraid that the neighbors would hear. My whole body trembled, my lower body...

I gripped Song Siming's penis tightly, convulsing, trembling, gushing... On my limp body, he
throbbed and leaped intensely inside me, ejaculating thick, white semen that flowed out of my vagina.
A second orgasm followed in an instant... I hooked my legs around Song's buttocks, not wanting him to leave my body.
But Song's penis slowly softened, and after he withdrew it from my vagina, I felt as if my entire
being had been drained. I had never experienced the pleasure of two orgasms in one encounter, never experienced such physical and
spiritual joy...
So, during the following holiday, I seemed to be very close to happiness. Yes, I had money and everything. And Song Siming
gave me enough freedom to go anywhere. I traveled extensively throughout Beijing, Xi'an, and Chongqing. Only,
I had to be by his side when he needed me. He always said Hai Zao was very obedient and cute. I didn't take it seriously until one
day, after he said something while drunk.
I felt like I was someone who couldn't be moved. When applying for subsidies, stipends, or loans at school
, some people always recount their experiences with tears in their eyes, leaving the onlookers feeling melancholic. I, however, just kept a blank face.
What good would showing everyone my bitterness do? For a pittance, I'd lose face. I'd rather everyone
recognize me, but not truly know me.
That night, I was at a social event. He was clearly drunk and lingered in my room. I was busy surfing the internet and didn't
speak to him. After lying on the bed for a while, he suddenly said to me, "Haizao, I feel like I'm really getting old." "Everyone
gets old." "Haizao, I like your youth, your forbearance, and your maturity." I knew he was going to say a lot more
, so I turned off the computer and sat down on the edge of the bed.
He closed his eyes, his face showing weariness. "Haizao, I always feel that even without saying a word, you
understand everything. Everything seems perfect, yet there's no one by my side. Perhaps I'm truly
getting old, feeling lonely. I don't know why, but being with you makes me feel so warm and comforted. I know Xiaobei likes you,
which makes me feel conflicted, but you also understand that he's just a child, and in this kind of family environment, he has no
chance of growing up.
I just want to keep you by my side, for as long as possible. To be my daughter, my woman. I don't want
to see you so wounded yet still forcing a smile. A woman like you, if your circumstances were different,
would likely have a more flamboyant and passionate personality. I had a very difficult childhood, so I've always known
what I want. Xiaobei's mother just wanted stability; you know, for our generation, all we have
is family." "
Suddenly, I felt that this man understood me. How rare it is to find someone who understands you. I took his hand and placed it
over my eyes, and tears fell. My eyes, lonely for so many years, could finally be so unrestrainedly
moist.
Good times always pass too quickly. Of course, I wasn't afraid of losing anything, because I had nothing.
After the holiday, I went back to school to study diligently, spending time with Song Siming when he had free time. Our favorite
place was the beach. We visited almost every coastal city nearby. Song Siming, back to nature, was exceptionally sexually aroused
and energetic. Sometimes, even during short periods of intercourse, we could find creative and exciting ways to play. Focusing on my studies, my
grades improved. I didn't think about what would happen in the future, or what the norms of the world were. I knew
everything was hard and cold. Receiving Song Siming's kindness was a blessing from fate. Of course, I still
had to walk my own path. But I didn't expect everything to change so quickly.
Even with precautions, an accident still happened. I called Song Siming, 'I'm pregnant.'" "I won't keep this child
. I'm just telling you about this. I'm sorry." He said he would take me to
the surgery when he had time. I said okay.
The second unexpected thing was that Xiao Bei came to see me a week later. I was waiting for the results in the lab at the time, and he
stood at the door with a gloomy face. So I went to the top floor with him. He spoke first, "Senior Hai Zao, tell me that it
's not true. Dad told me last night that he's going to divorce Mom. I don't believe those rumors." I looked
at the white buttons on my lab coat, "Xiao Bei, I'm so sorry."
Seeing that I didn't speak, his expression was very painful. The person I least wanted to hurt, I still feel sorry for you. Finally,
I said, "Xiao Bei, I will give you an explanation." He suddenly hugged me, "Senior Hai Zao, Xiao Bei has always
liked you. Liked you so much." Tears soaked my hair, and I felt a deep sadness.
I went to the hospital alone. I felt so cold. No matter when or where, I will never give birth to a child. Life
is close to nothingness, but pain and despair are always real. I am not a selfish or cowardly woman who would sacrifice an innocent life
to fight against my own powerlessness against this world.
Afterwards, I said to Song Siming, "Although I have experienced too many unkind situations, I still do not want to hurt others.
You have so hastily put me in such an unjust position. How do you expect me to face Xiao Bei and your aunt?"
We talked for a long time, and he finally compromised. He admitted his greed; having gotten what he wanted, he wanted more.
I cruelly said, "Song Siming, although you have given me a lot of money, I am not yours. Your wife and children are not
your possessions either."
The third person to find me was my aunt. A gentle and virtuous woman. Although she was inevitably getting old, she still had an elegant demeanor
. After hearing what she said, I felt utterly ashamed.
She said, "No matter what happened, from the first time I saw you, I had a feeling that you were a good girl
." I know everything, and I have nothing to blame you for. I'm a traditional woman; as long as my husband and son are well , I'm
well.
I didn't know how to respond, so I just stared at my fingers.
She continued, "I also know a little about your situation. You should understand the purpose of this meeting.
You're a sensible girl, and I won't let things continue like this. If things get out of control, everyone will suffer
losses and harm. Objectively speaking, the current education system is very restrictive of personal development. Xiao Bei will be studying in England next year
. I also have some money for cosmetics; if you don't mind, your aunt can sponsor you to go to New Zealand. I know
you've always liked that place; traveling while you're young will change many of your perspectives."
I think this place holds many memories you don't want to relive. Think about it, and I can make arrangements for you.
"
I felt this woman was incredibly shrewd and meticulous. I gave a bitter smile, 'Thank you, Auntie. I'll
give you an answer in a week.'" "
Leaving that lifestyle store, I took a deep breath. I'd always wanted to breathe normally, and this was the perfect opportunity.
Could I say no? Smart people never make harsh statements upfront. You're good, I'm good, we're all good. Coincidentally, everyone here
is smart. So many people walk on the road, joys and sorrows, love and hate are all commonplace, reality is immense, getting a way out
also gives me a way out and a way to survive.
I explained everything to Song Siming. I said, many people pass through life and cannot be kept. Zheng Pu, I've already decided
to agree to her, thank you, thank you Xiao Bei, thank you Auntie. You all have such a broad and tolerant heart to treat a
penniless orphan like me. I don't know how to repay this kindness.
I spoke casually, my voice already trembling. I can't bear to part with this relationship, the days and
nights I spent with him. It's not just about material wealth, but also about not lacking a sense of security. In my lifetime, whether I can find
such a good person again, I don't know.
He came over and hugged me, gently saying, 'I will support you to study abroad until you don't want to study anymore.'" I
also thank God for giving me this understanding flower to accompany me through these quiet years. I looked up and saw the white
hair at his temples, and thinking that I would never again have such a warm embrace and warm voice, I couldn't help but shed tears.
Only Lian Zhen came to see me off. I didn't have many friends and didn't like to talk much. Lian Zhen
placed a stack of CDs in my hands, "You are such a woman, rich in spirit and resilient on the outside. You always make others feel awkward,
not knowing what to say to you. This chapter of your life has ended, and another world will be a different scene. I hope you will be
happy." I shook his hand, "We always have to say goodbye. It seems we can't stay in anyone's life.
I will be fine. Goodbye." As the plane took off, I seemed to see how many fireworks had bloomed and disappeared, how much 　　darkness had surged endlessly
in my past 20 years . I covered my face with my hands, tears streaming down my 　　 face .

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【Smiling Seaweed】

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