I was turned gay by my husband's niece (21-23)

21.
When I arrived at my husband's and my home, I found him sitting on the living room floor, drowning his sorrows in alcohol, surrounded by a pile of empty beer cans.
I quickly went over and took a can of beer from his hand, scolding him for ruining his health like this. My husband buried his head in his hands, crying and saying he was useless, that he had done something wrong to his wife, and that he couldn't fulfill his elderly father's wishes.
He said he deserved to die, that he shouldn't have been unfaithful to me, and that he had broken off all contact with that girl after I left home. He also said he wasn't asking for my forgiveness, but that he truly felt like a bastard, deserving of death.
Seeing him so distressed, I felt terrible too. After all, we had been together for eight or nine years, from dating to marriage. Even if I no longer loved him, there were still feelings.
My husband became more and more heartbroken, crying uncontrollably. I could only gently comfort him, tears streaming down my face, and hold his head in my arms.
My husband cried in my arms, then cupped my head and tried to kiss my lips. I tried to pull away a few times, but he kissed me anyway, and I let him kiss me. He started to take off my clothes, and I could only say, "Don't do this, please don't do this..."
But he persisted. At that moment, I thought, he's in so much pain right now, maybe I should just give in? Maybe making love will ease his discomfort?
As my husband thrust into me, I stared blankly at the ceiling...
When I got home, Gao Shanshan was already asleep. After washing up, I lay down beside her.
Actually, she wasn't asleep. She asked me how my brother-in-law was. I said he was feeling better now. I was in a bad mood and didn't want to talk to her anymore.
She hugged me and comforted me, saying everything would be alright, and put her hand inside my nightgown. I said I was tired today and didn't feel like it.
She pulled her hand back, smiled, and said, "Okay, go to sleep early."
Then she turned over, her back to me. In the darkness, I suddenly realized that since returning from Xuzhou, I had unknowingly drawn a chasm between myself and Gao Shanshan deep within my heart.
For the next few days, the words my father-in-law spoke to me before his surgery, and my father's vehement condemnation of homosexuality, echoed in my ears daily, along with the image of my husband weeping uncontrollably that day.
My heart was in turmoil, as if a scale weighed me down, one side containing my father, father-in-law, and husband, the other Gao Shanshan. I couldn't lean more towards either side, yet reality wouldn't allow me to remain impartial, forcing me to disrupt its balance.
During those days, I tried to leave early and return late every day because I felt unable to face Gao Shanshan. I always used work and exhaustion as excuses to avoid making love to her, and she always responded with an understanding smile, which only made me feel worse.
Finally, one day, I couldn't bear it any longer and told Gao Shanshan that I had to go on a business trip for two weeks. She didn't ask anything, just told me to take care of myself and focus on my work.
I moved into Chen Lei's house; it was quite spacious and comfortable. I confided my dilemma to Chen Lei, the only friend I could turn to for help in this matter. Given our over ten years of close friendship, despite the difference in gender, living together wasn't awkward or uncomfortable.
On my first night at Chen Lei's, I told him that once I'd thought it through, I would move out and face the rest of my life. However, it might be inconvenient if he brought a girlfriend or casual sex partner home for the night.
He laughed, saying I could just rent a hotel room! He could reimburse me. I told him I'd donate to children in mountainous areas rather than give him money for such frivolous things; he wasn't short of money.
Being with him brought a rare sense of ease, slightly easing the pain of my inner turmoil.
With tears in my eyes, I said to him, "Thank you!"
He grasped my hand and smiled, "You don't need to feel indebted to me. To me, before I found true love, you were the most important woman in this world besides my mother."
My tears immediately fell, and I smiled, "But I still won't repay you with my body."
He smiled, glanced away, and said, "Come on! We've been friends for over ten years. I'm your male best friend, and you're my female buddy..."
As he spoke, he put his arm around my shoulder and leaned closer, saying, "Let me put it this way! Even if you, Miss Tang, stripped naked and lay in front of me, I still couldn't bring myself to do it, understand?"
The bastard even nodded a few times at me. Even though I had just been moved to tears by him, and my face was still wet with tears, I still blurted out, "Fuck you, you son of a bitch..."
I jumped up from the sofa, grabbed a cushion, and started hitting the bastard with it, yelling, "Am I that ugly? Do you find me that unattractive?"
He laughed, got up, and ran away, saying, "I'm going to sleep. Do as you please."
"Get out!" I threw a cushion at him.
I didn't hesitate for long. Fate made the choice for me, adding a chip to one side of the scales in my heart that disrupted the balance.
I discovered I was pregnant and went to the hospital for a checkup, confirming it was true. This unexpected child was conceived the night I comforted my husband.
I finally knew what I had to do. Although I was no longer conflicted, my heart was in unbearable pain, but I knew very well that I still had to make this choice.
I first told Chen Lei about this idea, and he said, "The first day you moved in with me, I told you that whatever choice you made, I would support you. Now I still say the same thing..."
He paused and continued, "However, I think you're right."
I smiled bitterly, "Your words represent the world's perspective. Of course, I'm also someone who can't escape the world, even though I once longed to."
That night, I told Gao Shanshan about my struggles over the past few days and showed her the pregnancy test results from the hospital.
She sobbed silently for a long time, then looked at me with tears in her eyes, "Have you made up your mind?"
I didn't dare to look her in the eye and nodded with difficulty and solemnity. She wiped away her tears, choking back sobs, "I knew it. You've been acting strange these past few days, ever since you came back from Xuzhou. I had a feeling then, but I kept telling myself you were just upset, that we'd be alright..."
She choked up, unable to continue, and cried for a while before continuing, "What am I supposed to do? Have you thought about me? Am I supposed to suffer this kind of sacrifice? If you want to be a saint, does that mean you have to use me as a sacrifice?"
"I'm not trying to be a saint," I said. "I'm just doing what I have to do."
"What do you mean you have to do?" she cried, "Having children for someone else, carrying on the family line, giving up your own love and relationship—is that what you have to do?"
"Enough! It's not someone else's family, it's my husband and his parents," I shouted, my heart filled with immense weakness.
She stared at me blankly. I added, "And my father. He can't possibly accept that his daughter is a lesbian. This will probably be a huge blow to him."
"Then why didn't you say this before? Why are you saying this now?" she cried out.
I said, "Just because I didn't say anything before doesn't mean it didn't exist, or that I wasn't worried. I was just avoiding it. But I don't want to avoid it anymore, because I can't avoid it forever."
Tears streamed down her face. She stared at me blankly for a moment, then said, "Okay, your father is your family, and your husband and his parents are your family too. What about me? What am I to you?"
She cried, clutching her clothes tightly. "Tang Zifei, what did I do wrong? Why are you doing this to me?"
I buried my face in my hands, letting tears spill through my fingers. "You didn't do anything wrong? I'm the one who's wrong. I did everything wrong..."
I looked up at her and said, "But I'm going to correct that mistake now."
I stood up, picked up my already packed suitcase, and walked towards the door.
"Zifei..." she cried, hugging me from behind. "Let's...do it one more time, just one last time, okay?"
"Why bother?" I said, trying to pry her hands off. Although I wanted to, I was afraid my hard-won resolve would waver.
She held me tightly, not letting me pry her hands off. "I love you, I really love you so much, I can't live without you..."
I looked up, tears streaming down my face, and gritted my teeth to pry her hands off. She knelt down behind me, crying, "Don't leave me, please don't leave me..."
I looked away, wiped my tears, and said, "Shanshan, from now on, forget me!"
I opened the door and walked out, behind me Gao Shanshan's cries of "Tang Zifei, I hate you..."
I didn't stop or turn back, continuing to walk forward, towards my predetermined goal. But still, tears streamed down my face.
Downstairs, I said to Chen Lei, who was waiting there, "Go up and see her, I'm going back to your place first."
"Aren't you moving back to your own place?" he asked.
I put my suitcase in the trunk and said, "I'll have to bother you for a few more days, let me adjust my mood, I'll let you know when I leave."
I got into the car and drove away.
Chen Lei didn't return home that night. The next day at the law firm, he told me the girl had cried all night and even tried to hug him.
I asked, "So what did you do?"
He said righteously, "Of course I wouldn't take advantage of someone in distress! Am I that kind of person?"
"It's best if you aren't, otherwise I won't forgive you," I said.
Three days later, Chen Lei called me and said he was about to take Gao Shanshan to the airport; she planned to go back to Xuzhou and never come back.
"Zifei, aren't you going to see her off? Even if you don't show your face, just quietly see her off! Maybe you'll never see her again in this life."
"No need," I said coldly, hanging up the phone, but my heart was breaking.
Memories flooded my mind; the time I spent with Gao Shanshan was exceptionally clear, many things felt like yesterday. I asked myself, do I really have to do this? Really never see her again?
At that moment, I felt an impulse, an uncontrollable impulse. I jumped up from my seat, grabbed my car keys, and rushed out of the office.

22.
All the way, I sped along, a voice in my head desperately shouting, "Leave her, leave her..."
I kept wiping away tears as I drove, only regretting the long journey and the slow speed.
When I arrived at the departure hall, I saw Chen Lei walking towards me; he was surprised to see me. I asked in a trembling voice, "Has she left?"
Chen Lei nodded. "She just went through the security gate."
"No...no..." Tears streamed down my face as I watched him shake his head repeatedly, then ran towards the security gate.
Chen Lei hugged me from behind, calling out, "Zifei, calm down, just let her go!"
"Shanshan..." I cried out that name, burying my face in Chen Lei's arms and sobbing uncontrollably.
He held me, gently patting my back to comfort me. Several people around us cast strange glances at us.
An old lady walked up to us and said to Chen Lei, "Young man, be nicer to your girlfriend! Look how upset you are with her!"
Then she walked away. Chen Lei called out to the old lady's retreating figure, "Auntie, she's not..."
His voice suddenly trailed off, "...my girlfriend."
That evening, I returned home, and my husband was overjoyed. He rushed up to me and said, "Honey, you're back?"
I slapped the pregnancy test results onto his chest. "The reason I came back is threefold: first, so that your father can hold his grandson before he dies; second, because of my father; and third, we've been together for eight or nine years, and I want to give you another chance..." My
husband held the pregnancy test results, his hands trembling as he looked at them.
“If I find out you’re having an affair again, I don’t care how big the baby is, I’ll abort it immediately.”
I said, heading towards the master bedroom. My husband followed, saying, “Wife, I promise you, if I do that again, may I be struck by lightning and die a horrible death!”
I opened the closet, took out a blanket and a pillow, threw them on the sofa, and walked back, saying, “You’re not allowed to sleep in my bedroom tonight.”
I went into the master bedroom, closed and locked the door, threw myself onto the bed, buried the pillow in my head, and wept silently.
“Wife, wife…” came my husband’s knocking and shouting from outside.
“Get out!” I yelled.
Time flies. One year and eight months have passed, and my daughter is ten months old.
I occasionally take my daughter to see my mother, of course, keeping it a secret from my father. But I haven’t called her “Mom” yet; it might take a long time, perhaps I’ll never be able to say it.
However, my mother didn't mind. Being able to see her daughter and granddaughter occasionally was enough for her.
Chen Lei got married, and his wife was several months pregnant. He finally found true love; the former playboy entered the castle of marriage, and I was no longer the most important woman in his life besides his mother.
We agreed that once his child was born, he and I would become godparents. I even told him, "If your child dares to recognize another woman as a godmother, I'll beat you to death!"
My husband's company is doing very well, and he's upgraded to a Mercedes SUV. From the time I became pregnant until now, I haven't found any trace of infidelity.
My father-in-law is in good health. Although I gave him a granddaughter, he still loves her very much. He and my mother-in-law have visited her in Chongqing twice, and they often video chat with her.
Because I'm quite busy with work, my daughter is mostly cared for by Aunt Fang, so we hired a nanny. Aunt Fang treats my daughter like her own granddaughter, just as she treated me like her own daughter.
As for me, I'm still a lawyer, just at a different job. Because of pregnancy and childbirth, I resigned from my original law firm, and after my daughter was born, I got a job at another firm.
Over the years, there's one person I've never mentioned to anyone, but she's always been etched in my heart. That person is Gao Shanshan.
After she returned to Xuzhou that year, we never had any contact. I blocked her on WeChat Moments, and I blocked her too. I don't know if she did the same. I have no news of her. Occasionally, my husband mentions her, and I force myself not to care. My husband
finds it strange. He says, "You two were so close back then, how come you haven't contacted her at all since she went back to Xuzhou?" I say, "Time fades things, there's no point in contacting each other anymore."
But not a day goes by that I don't think of her; the longing is so intense it breaks my heart. I often wake in the middle of the night, my pillow soaked with tears. Thankfully, I have a daughter now, which eases some of the pain.
I tell myself that time heals all wounds, that with the passage of time I will gradually forget her, until she is sealed away in a box of memories, never to be opened again.
I thought I would never see her again, but one day, I heard her voice again.
It was mid-November 2020, a weekend. I was at my aunt's house with my mother and Jiang Mei,
holding my daughter and showering her with affection. My mother asked me about raising the child, and I answered her questions.
While I was talking to my mother and aunt, my phone rang. When I saw the name "Shanshan" on the screen, my heart skipped a beat. For the past year and eight months, I hadn't deleted Gao Shanshan's number, and her name had never appeared on my phone screen.
I walked to the side to answer the phone, and Gao Shanshan's voice came through, "Zifei..."
At that moment, tears almost welled up in my eyes. I tried my best to hold them back and said, "Shanshan, are you... alright?"
"I'm fine, sister, how about you?" she laughed heartily on the other end of the phone.
"Yeah, I'm fine too..."
We exchanged a few pleasantries, and that's when I learned that she was in Chongqing and wanted to meet me. I hesitated for a moment, but still agreed. Although I felt I shouldn't meet her again, I hadn't seen her for a year and eight months, and deep down I really wanted to see her.
I thought, why not just treat it as seeing a younger sister or even a junior? It's not a big deal.
After hanging up, I said to my aunt, "Auntie, I'm leaving now."
My mother asked, "Aren't you having dinner here?"
She seemed a little disappointed. I said, "A friend invited me, you three eat."
My aunt told me to leave my daughter with her, as it wasn't convenient for me to take the child with me, and I could come back to pick her up after meeting my friend, so the three of them could spend more time with the child.
Although my aunt's suggestion was good, I didn't take it, saying my friend also wanted to see the child. Actually, I knew I didn't want to be alone with Gao Shanshan, so I brought my daughter along, to remind her and myself that we could never go back to the way things were.
Leaving my aunt's house, I drove along the road, my daughter's sweet voice occasionally echoing from the child safety seat behind me.
I glanced back, my heart overflowing with warmth and happiness. Ever since she was born, every time I see her, I feel that even just for her sake, my choice was definitely right and absolutely worthwhile.
I drove to the underground parking garage of a small community in Yubei District. As soon as I parked, I saw Gao Shanshan get out to pick up my daughter and me. The moment I saw her, I almost cried again.
She's ten years younger than me, twenty-three this year, still so beautiful, only a little more mature than before.
Her hair was dyed, with side-swept bangs and a section tied back in a ponytail. She wore a black, tight-fitting, high-necked sweater, highlighting her ample breasts, paired with a dark brown pleated mini-skirt and black leggings, and dark brown mid-heeled lace-up shoes. Her figure was undeniably stunning.
"Sister..." she called out with a smile, greeting me as warmly as ever.
"Shanshan..." I smiled back.
She asked if it was easy to find. I said it was easy, the GPS had led me there.
I got out of the car and took my daughter from her car seat.
"Is this your daughter?" Gao Shanshan asked with a smile.
"Yes! She's ten months old." I carried my daughter and walked with Gao Shanshan towards the elevator.
"What should she call me? Auntie or Sister?" Gao Shanshan asked, teasing her daughter.
"According to your uncle's family hierarchy, she's your little cousin, so she should call you Sister," I laughed. "If she's on my side, she can call you Auntie, right?"
"Yes, I still prefer her to call me Auntie," Gao Shanshan smiled.
"You little rascal, aren't you afraid of sounding old?" I laughed.
"I don't want to be your junior..." she said, then teased her daughter, "Baby, call her Auntie."
Her daughter was still babbling and only managed a mumbled "Auntie." I laughed, "She's so young! She can't even say 'Daddy' and 'Mommy' properly yet! How can she call you Auntie?"
Gao Shanshan asked, "Can I hold her?"
"Yes, here you go." I smiled and handed her my daughter.
As she took my daughter from my arms, whether intentionally or unintentionally, she brushed against my chest. My face flushed instantly, and my heart pounded.
I glanced at her furtively; she was holding and playing with her daughter, as if nothing had happened.

23.
We entered a one-bedroom apartment. The renovation was quite new and tasteful, and the furniture and appliances were all brand new.
I asked, "Shanshan, did you buy this apartment or rent it?"
"I bought it. My parents paid the down payment, and I'm paying the mortgage," Gao Shanshan said, pouring me a glass of water.
I was a little surprised. Had she come to Chongqing for work again? "You... you've been in Chongqing all this time?" I asked.
She sat down beside me and said, "After I went back to Xuzhou that time, I came back to Chongqing not long after, found a new job, and then bought this house."
My heart was a little unsettled. I didn't know why she went back to Chongqing and settled here. I asked, "Does your uncle know you're in Chongqing?"
"No. I haven't been in touch with him much these past few years. I even blocked you both on my WeChat Moments and didn't let my parents tell him I'm in Chongqing." She chuckled.
I sighed and said, "Shanshan, why is that?"
She looked at me and smiled, "Because I don't want to trouble you anymore!"
I was speechless for a moment. She kept staring at me and smiling, and my heart started racing again.
"Shanshan, are you... doing well now?" I didn't dare look her in the eye.
"I'm doing great! The new job suits me well, the salary is higher than my old job, and I've made a lot of friends. I'm practically a Chongqing local now! Hehe..." she laughed.
"Well, that's good..." I smiled slightly, unsure of what to say next.
"How are you and your uncle... how are you two doing now?" she asked.
I still didn't dare look her in the eye, and reached up to brush a strand of hair behind my ear. "I'm fine." "
He hasn't been seeing that woman anymore, has he?"
I shook my head. "No."
She stared at me. "Zifei, are you happy?"
I was speechless. Yes! Am I happy? I have a daughter, and I feel very happy; she is my everything. But I have no love, so I can only concentrate all my emotions on my daughter.
Just then, my daughter started crying for bed. Gao Shanshan said, "Why don't you take her to bed?"
"No, it's too much trouble for you. I'll take her back." I felt I couldn't stay here any longer. From the moment I walked into this house, I had been resisting its temptations.
But my daughter started crying, and Gao Shanshan said, "Why bother? Come with me."
I had no choice but to pick up my daughter and follow her into the bedroom. She pulled back the thin blanket so I could put my daughter on the bed, then covered her up again.
"She's so beautiful, just like you," Gao Shanshan said
, gazing at my daughter. I tucked the blanket around her and looked at my sleeping daughter, saying, "Yes! Everyone says she looks like me."
Suddenly, Gao Shanshan put her hand on my bottom. I was startled and quickly pulled away. She touched me again.
I had to remove her hand, my face flushed, and said, "Don't do this, Shanshan..."
She grabbed one of my hands, staring at me with a dreamy look in her eyes. My heart was pounding. I broke free from her and went to the window, turning my back to her, saying, "Shanshan, we can't do this anymore. I already have a daughter. We can't go back."
She came up behind me and said urgently, "Zifei, do you know why I went back to Chongqing?"
My heart skipped a beat, and I heard her continue, "Because this is where you grew up. There are so many memories of us together, the air you breathed, the streets you walked, the sunshine you basked in, the rain you got soaked in..."
My tears could no longer be held back and streamed down my face. She choked back a sob, then continued, "So I want to stay here, breathe the air you breathed, walk the streets you walked, bask in the sunshine you basked in, and get soaked in the rain you got soaked in..."
She cried, sobbing, "That way, I'll feel like I'm still with you, like you haven't left me, and this is how I'll stay with you in this city!"
Hearing her words, tears streamed down my face, and I couldn't help but cover my face and weep. She hugged me from behind, kissing me as she said, "Zifei, I love you, I still love you..."
She grasped my chest, her lips moving towards me. I couldn't escape, turning my head to meet her lips in a kiss. As she kissed me, she unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans, slipping her hand inside, directly into my underwear, caressing my private parts. I instantly became incredibly wet.
She whispered in my ear, "Zifei, I really love you so much. Do you still love me?"
The dam in my heart collapsed in that instant. I turned around, cupped her face in my hands, and looked into her tearful eyes, choking back tears as I said, "How could I not love you? I love you so much, it's never changed."
We kissed passionately again, our tongues swirling together. Suddenly, I heard my daughter calling "Mama" and making babbling sounds.
I jolted awake, pushed her away with all my might, and ran out of the bedroom, zipping up and buttoning my jeans as I ran.
In the living room, I grabbed my bag full of my daughter's things, slung it over my shoulder, and returned to the bedroom. Under her silent gaze, I picked up my still-sleeping daughter and carried her outside.
"Are you just leaving like that?" Gao Shanshan's plaintive voice came from behind me.
I stopped, but didn't turn around, suppressing my pounding heart, and said, "Shanshan, from now on… let's not see each other again…"
She didn't speak, but I could feel the sorrow in her eyes as she looked at me.
"Absolutely, absolutely, we can't see each other again."
I said, continuing towards the door. I heard her sob behind me, and she said, "Okay..."
As I walked out of Gao Shanshan's house, the door closed behind me, and I breathed a sigh of relief. But at the same time, a wave of sorrow washed over me like mercury spilling onto the floor. I hugged my daughter, tears streaming down my face...
Three months later, another weekend, it was time for our family dinner. My husband and I returned to my parents' house that day. Aunt Fang had already prepared a table full of food. She said Tang Zihao was bringing a friend over for dinner.
As my husband set the table, he asked, "Is Zihao's friend a boy or a girl?"
I laughed, "Definitely a boy. When have you ever seen Tang Zihao bring a girl home?"
I sighed again, "Sigh! I'm afraid I'll never see my brother bring a girlfriend home in my lifetime!"
Aunt Fang chimed in, "You silly girl, how can you talk about your own brother like that? What's wrong with our Zihao compared to others? Why can't he get a girlfriend?"
I hugged this woman, who wasn't my mother but was more like one, from behind, pressed my face against hers, and laughed, "Okay, okay, okay, your Zihao is the best."
Just then, I heard... My daughter called for me from the bedroom. Aunt Fang said, "The child is awake, hurry up."
I rushed into the bedroom and saw my daughter staring at me with her big, bright eyes. My heart softened instantly, and I smiled, "Baby, you're awake?"
I said, picking her up and kissing her twice. "Mommy loves you so much!"
As I was dressing her, I heard the sound of a door opening and closing outside. Aunt Fang exclaimed in surprise, "Shanshan, what brings you here?"
Then I heard Gao Shanshan say, "Aunt Fang, are you alright?"
I was startled and quickly picked up my daughter and went out of the bedroom. There stood Gao Shanshan, tall and graceful, dressed fashionably and beautifully.
Aunt Fang held Gao Shanshan's hand, beaming, "She's fine, she's fine, hehe... By the way, Shanshan, why are you back with Zihao?"
Tang Zihao put his arm around Gao Shanshan's shoulder and said, "Mom, Shanshan is my girlfriend now."
I was speechless.
"Really?" Aunt Fang asked Gao Shanshan, both surprised and delighted. "Is it true, Shanshan?"
Gao Shanshan nodded and smiled, "It's true! Aunt Fang, Zihao and I have been dating for a while now."
"That's wonderful!" Aunt Fang beamed, then scolded her son, "Zihao, what's wrong with you? You didn't even tell us beforehand."
Gao Shanshan smiled and said, "Aunt Fang, don't blame Zihao, I told him not to tell us."
This scene was simply unbelievable. Since that day, Gao Shanshan and I hadn't been in contact. I never dreamed that she would become my brother's girlfriend.
My husband went over to greet her, "Shanshan, long time no see."
Gao Shanshan smiled back at him, "Yes! Uncle... no, I should call you brother-in-law from now on, right?"
My husband chuckled. Watching Gao Shanshan chatting with my family, I couldn't help but feel a surge of emotions.
In these three months, my longing for her hadn't diminished in the slightest. I thought she had completely disappeared from my life from that day on, but I never expected her to reappear before me, in such an unexpected way. Tears welled up uncontrollably in my eyes.
Gao Shanshan changed into slippers and walked towards me, softly calling, "Sister..."
I turned my head to wipe away the tears overflowing from my eyes and forced a smile at her.
A smile spread across her breathtakingly beautiful face, and her gaze towards me was filled with love, longing, and resentment, even a hint of smugness and provocation.
I understood that fate had intertwined Gao Shanshan and me once again, a tangled mess that was impossible to unravel.
At that moment, my heart was filled with a mixture of emotions...

(The End)

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