[A True Account of Life During Retakes]

What is love in this world, that it makes one vow to die for another? A pair of wild geese fly across the vast sky, their old wings enduring countless seasons.

Joy in reunion, sorrow in parting, and among them, even more foolish lovers. You should have words to say, across ten thousand miles of layered clouds, a thousand mountains covered in evening snow, to

whom does this solitary shadow turn?

—Yuan Dynasty, Wen Hao's poem "Touching Fish"
This poem speaks of the sorrowful feelings of a lone goose after losing its mate. In this world,

lovers who cherish each other and are even willing to spend their lives together are not necessarily able to vow to die for each other. They may be brought

together , but since they are together, why not consider it a kind of fate? All things arise from causes and conditions, all things cease due to causes and conditions.
I often wonder, if I had the ability to fly to the sky like Superman in the movie, to reverse

the earth , would time flow backward? If I had the chance to ride the time machine in the movie "Back to the Future,"

what would I do? Go see if Xi Shi, Diao Chan, the Qiao sisters, or Chen Yuanyuan were truly so beautiful? Absolutely

not ! Go see my deceased relatives? Definitely! Go to the future to see the winning numbers for the lottery, then come back and

buy a ticket, maybe!
Or take a time machine to repair a regrettable relationship. How can I mend the gaps in my memories? Should I

go back to find her from the past? Or her? Or her? From a third-person objective standpoint, try to untangle the

knots in her life; she might faint from fright. Perhaps go back to an earlier point in time and tell yourself to cherish

her in your life, because you'll regret it after the breakup. But movies say that two versions of yourself can't

meet at the same time. In
my sophomore year, one day after class, I went to the entrance to drop off drinks. A girl in front of me dropped in ten dollars, pressed the drink

button, but the drink didn't drop. Pressing the refund button didn't work either. The girl wasn't giving up and dropped in another ten dollars,

but she still got bitten. That girl had short, pretty hair dyed brick red, and like me, she didn't wear glasses. She wasn't tall or short,

not fat or thin, and she looked a lot like a former Japanese celebrity named Yuki Uchida.
Seeing the girl fumble with the coin return button several times without success, my chivalrous heart—no, my pig-like

heart— , and I volunteered to help her. I kicked the vending machine hard, and the money stuck inside fell out—

not just twenty dollars, but several dozen.
Seeing this, the girl picked up her twenty dollars, inserted them into another vending machine, and thanked me.

I took the opportunity to say, "Is that all?!" The girl said, "How about I buy you a drink? What do you want?" As

she spoke , she inserted another ten dollars into the vending machine. That's how I had my first interaction with that girl.
The girl's personality wasn't the best. She lived in the north, and her ex-boyfriend loved reading martial arts novels. He told me

he said her personality was like "Azi" from "Demi-Gods and Semi-Devils." I thought to myself, "Azhu seems gentler!

Azi is domineering and unreasonable, difficult to deal with."
Later, I discovered that this Azi was generous and gentle in public, but spoiled and fussy in private, very difficult to get along with. She was always bossy and domineering towards me. If I did anything against her

will , she would resort to physical violence, leaving me constantly in the wrong and at a loss. To win her heart, I had to endure this humiliation, always at her beck and call. Occasionally, when I performed well, she would offer me a reward. At that time, I felt a sense of relief, as if my suffering had finally come to an end. 　　Yes! She later became my girlfriend. 　　I always felt that one day she would change for me, but she said it was impossible. She had never changed her personality , instead saying, "We'll see!" I don't know why? I just really liked her; love is inexplicable, isn't it ? A long, long time passed, until one day I discovered she was truly willing to change for me. Whether it was genuine or just an act, for her to humble herself was a pipe dream. When she finally agreed to change… 　　sigh! …Those who heard it all sighed in admiration. 　　　　　*** *** *** *** 　　After "Little Beauty" asked me to answer her question, I was often lost in thought for days. Sometimes I thought about how good "Little Beauty" was, and sometimes I thought about how nice my girlfriend was too. I could almost feel "Little Beauty's" feelings, like I had already peeked at the exam paper and found the correct answers. Now, the only question was whether I was willing to fill in the answers. Would it be against my conscience? I thought and thought, over and over again, and I became afraid. 　　During that period, I didn't dare to go to "Little Beauty," didn't dare to face her, didn't dare to call her, and didn't dare to go to places where I might run into her. Like an ostrich facing danger, I buried my head in the sand, pretending that everything was fine. 　　Would an ostrich really do such a stupid thing when faced with danger? I always doubted that running away was still a chance, but not running away was just waiting to die! 　　Indecisive as I am, I found myself at a crossroads in my love life. The right light was green, representing my future with my girlfriend; the left light was red, and my "little beauty" was waving at me from the other side of the red light. I considered running the red light to reach her, but my girlfriend was in my car, and I was afraid of hurting her in an accident. So I slowed down, kept my eyes to the left, and moved to the fast lane, ready to swerve to the left at any moment. 　　During that period of utter despair, I couldn't face my "little beauty," and she didn't contact me either. But something was slowly brewing beneath my surface, eventually erupting. 　　One day, I received a call from my rented apartment from her. She immediately asked where I'd been and why we hadn't been in touch for two weeks (this tone was a good way to defuse awkwardness). I said I was fine, unable to think of a better excuse, and said I'd visit her sometime. She then asked if I liked her and if I wanted to be her boyfriend. 　　I was shocked. What had gotten into her? Why was she being so direct? Speechless for a moment, I said I'd talk to her when we met, and asked when she was free. But the "little beauty" wouldn't have given me a straight answer, insisting I answer her. I thought to myself, is it really that hard to say something nice? On the phone, I told the "little beauty," "I really like you, but I don't know how to tell my girlfriend." 　　Whether that was truly from the heart, I wasn't entirely sure, but liking the "little beauty" was something I'd never doubted. 　　Only after saying that did I realize how bad things were, because another girl angrily called my name on the phone— and oh no, it was my girlfriend's voice! —Damn it, I'm doomed! Did my girlfriend overhear my conversation with the "little beauty"? 　　The "little beauty" continued, "Come quickly, your girlfriend is at my house." 　　I told the "little beauty" to let my girlfriend hear the phone, but she wouldn't answer. 　　I didn't have the energy to think about what had happened, nor the time to scold the "little beauty." I rushed downstairs and...

I headed to the "little beauty's" house.
Arriving at her apartment building, I pressed the intercom. A few minutes later, my girlfriend

opened the door along with her classmate. I, like a child caught doing something wrong, looked at

her innocently. The "little beauty" wasn't there. I told her, "Let's talk about it when we get home." Suddenly, she erupted in tears,

hitting and yelling at me, drawing stares from passersby. I just wanted to disappear.
After much coaxing, I finally managed to get her back to her apartment. I wondered how much she knew. I feigned

concern, "Hey, what are you doing at my classmate's place? I was just joking with her on the phone, don't be angry

."
Completely bewildered, I started by confessing the least serious offense, touching my stinging face and feigning

helplessness, because my girlfriend had just slapped me several times.
My girlfriend was crying and tried to hit me again. I pointed at her and said, "Don't go too far! A gentleman uses words,

not fists. My patience has its limits."
The intimidation worked; she pulled her hand back, but cried even more uncontrollably.
I lied, saying, "Don't overthink it. She and I are just friends, just joking around

. There's nothing between us."
This ability to lie through my teeth could probably pass an FBI lie detector test! But I was still worried,

wondering what the "little beauty" had said to my girlfriend.
People say that arguments in bed are resolved in bed, and seeing my girlfriend still angry, I went over, took a tissue to wipe her

tears, kissed her lips, and hugged her. My girlfriend was furious and resisted fiercely, taking

several more punches. Strangely, in the midst of all this, I managed to pull down her underwear, and it was wet down there—wait! Can

anger arouse you? I don't understand!
A series of absurdities ensued. To atone for his actions, the "family heirloom" was tasked with apologizing to his girlfriend. Touched by his innocence, she

gave up trying to stop him, and the "family heirloom" finally entered the "secret garden"—watching her cry and moan

at the same time was truly unique! Even I couldn't tell if she was sad or excited; it was a mix of both!
After the waves of climax, my girlfriend's momentum had weakened, and she was willing to tell me the details: She said that a

girl came to her classroom today, accusing me of harassing her ("the pretty girl"). My girlfriend didn't believe her, so "the pretty girl" asked her to go to

her apartment, saying she would deliberately call me and have my girlfriend listen to our conversation on another cordless phone.

My girlfriend , for some reason, went with a classmate, and that's how the truth came out.
I told my girlfriend, "You misunderstood. I was just joking with her; I don't really like her."
Actually, my emotions were very complicated—after hearing my girlfriend's account, it seemed "the pretty girl" was hiding something.

My girlfriend only thought I had some kind of ambiguous relationship with "the pretty girl," but who knew "the pretty girl" came first, and my girlfriend came later

. The fact that "Little Beauty" kept quiet only weighed heavily on my heart. Why didn't I tell the details? Because I couldn't bring

myself to say it. If "Little Beauty" had revealed the truth, perhaps I could have found relief.
My girlfriend asked if I had been pursuing "Little Beauty" behind her back, and how and for how long I

knew I tried to make up stories, fabricating tales as I could, and my girlfriend was only half-convinced. The important thing is that

my girlfriend and I were lying naked in bed, making love, and I even managed to make the impossible seem real. Besides, my girlfriend was inclined to forgive

me.
Although "Little Beauty" had tricked me, I wasn't angry; instead, I was very sad. If only there were two of me in the world

, one for my girlfriend and one for "Little Beauty."
Many people deeply resonate with the idea that love is like picking up stones. We always hope

to encounter a Snow White on our life's journey. When you miss the first one, it's hard to fall for the second, because you'll

judge the second one by the standards of the first. You always think that since you missed the first one, you should find

someone ; otherwise, you should have just stayed with the first one.
As we grow older and youth fades, we are struck by the beauty of the past, realizing that those who once loved us deeply

are no longer by our side.
[Xinjiang Folk Song]
The sun sets, but rises again

tomorrow; flowers wither, but bloom again next year;

my youth has vanished without a trace; my youthful

bird has flown away, never to return ;

my youthful bird has flown away, never to return

; oh, oh, oh,

my youthful bird has flown away, never to return.
Love is like wearing a jacket. When it's hot, you find the jacket too thick and want a thin one; when it gets cold, you miss

the warmth of the thick jacket (though it's a bit cumbersome). It's difficult to find a jacket that suits every temperature, but

we can wear more layers underneath to prevent a thin jacket from feeling too light; or when the temperature rises, we can

hold a thick jacket in our hands instead of finding it cumbersome. As long as there is love in your heart, a thick jacket or a thin jacket can both be

good jackets.
*** *** *** ***
Since the phone incident, I've been much more well-behaved, afraid to contact "Little Beauty," but I'm struggling internally.

I can't decide who I love more—"Little Beauty" or my girlfriend?
I keep thinking that if I leave my girlfriend, she'll be heartbroken, and if I stay with her,

"Little Beauty" will be devastated. Whose pain level is higher—my girlfriend's or "Little Beauty's"?

This isn't about who I love more, but who will suffer more. I should stay

with .
Two weeks before graduation, the pager rang one day.
"035498575,"
my girlfriend and I share the pager number. My girlfriend asked who it was because the code showed it was my number.

She asked where 03 was from, and I said Taoyuan, right?
Looking at the unfamiliar number, I was suspicious.
It rang again…
The more I thought about it, the more uneasy I felt. Many memories flooded back; it seemed like a number I'd dialed before. "Little Beauty"

had even asked me what the number meant—"035498575" (meaning "Hug and kiss me when you miss me").

That's what I'd told "Little Beauty."
Although my heart was in turmoil, I held back and didn't call "Little Beauty." Taking advantage of my girlfriend's drowsiness,

I made an excuse to go out for a late-night snack, even pretending to ask if she was hungry and if she wanted to go out together. My girlfriend actually

replied, "Are you going to see 'Little Beauty'?"
This really angered me. I felt like I'd been framed again—"Little Beauty?" How did my girlfriend know

the nickname "Little Beauty"? How could she say I was going to see "Little Beauty"? I vaguely sensed some kind of conspiracy.
Enraged, I yelled at her, "Damn it! What are you trying to say? Stop beating around the bush!" Although

my girlfriend often scolds me when she's angry, she never loses her elegance. But I had to muster up all my courage to swear at her.
My girlfriend calmly said, "Go ahead! If you don't see me when you come back, don't look for me. I wish you

happiness."
I really wanted to go out, but I was also afraid I'd never see my girlfriend again. I begged her to wait for me, promising to come back immediately. But my

girlfriend unlike her usual fierce self, pulled the sheet over her head and face, seemingly unwilling to speak anymore.
I walked out of the room, away from the rented place…
*** *** *** ***
??? Years later, a girl working at a bank needed someone to open a charity account for her performance targets. The interest

would be transferred to charity deposits (principal unchanged). To help a friend, I helped deposit a small amount of money. When the term expired,

my friend asked me to send her the bank's seal and passbook so she could cancel the contract and return the money to me. A million dollars isn't a huge amount, but it's not a small amount either

. I never doubted whether there would be any problems.
With some people, after you get to know them, you don't worry about being scammed; you wouldn't even care if you were. With others, even if you're already

close boyfriends or girlfriends, you can't give them your ID number (to apply for a free email account) because your mother

told you not to tell anyone (I felt really uncomfortable; I'm your boyfriend, how could it be someone else?). What
I want to say is that we are all too quick to see the world and judge relationships from our own perspective. Much of the love

given isn't necessarily something the giver wants you to know. You might

find a bookmark tucked

inside a book she gave you years after you parted ways, filled with her hopes and love. You might not have noticed it long ago (ideally, you'd never see it again), but you discover it unexpectedly in your most vulnerable moment. You take a big gulp of whiskey, feeling a pang of

sadness, but unable to shed a tear.
Once, at a Thai restaurant in Taipei's Gongguan district, I met a girl who worked at a bank. She thanked me for

opening a charity account for her and brought a child. She said to the child, "Call me uncle." (Don't misunderstand!

The child isn't mine! Don't be misled by melodramatic movie plots.) The child was the fruit of her and her husband's love. I just

felt a pang of emotion. When did I become an "uncle"? And sitting across from me was my ex-girlfriend—a truly bittersweet

feeling!
As for whether the girl was a "pretty girl" or a "savage girlfriend," I only felt she resembled one of them,

but I couldn't quite remember who it was...
[Jiangnan]
...

We, who didn't understand the torment of love and hate,

all thought love was as fickle as the wind and clouds,

believing that one day of love was worth forever.

In this instant, time froze

...

How painful and intense can parting be?

When dreams are buried in the misty rain of Jiangnan,

only when the heart is broken do we understand

...
[The End
]

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