The feelings of an adulterous husband and wife

My husband and I have been married for seven years, and the passion between us has long since faded. He engages in 69 sex and has a cuckold's complex, but I'm even more cuckolded than him.
Last night, I didn't sleep a wink. He and his lover were having sex in a hotel, and I secretly listened to over ten seconds of sounds—sounds of sex, moaning, and conversation—via WeChat. I listened to it over ten times, feeling conflicted and distressed, but my pants were soaked with sweat.
This isn't the first time he's gone out to have sex; he probably did it before we talked about it openly. The reason we chose an open marriage is because our mundane marriage only involves domestic chores, lacking passion and excitement. We're not very interested in physical intimacy. I was the one who encouraged him to go out and find lovers, casual partners, or girlfriends
. I believe it brings him pleasure, and doing it secretly is different from having the understanding and support of our families. Every time my husband talks about picking up women or discussing how to pursue them, the intensity I see is something I haven't seen in all these years of marriage. He trusts me completely and shares everything with me. I'm slowly accepting this agonizing feeling.
Like in ancient times, men had multiple wives and concubines, with thousands of beauties in their harem. I also tried my best to let him get the woman he wanted. Our relationship as a couple is even better now. Some people categorize the degree of being cuckolded; if I were to put myself in a woman's shoes, I think I'd be at the highest level. I can accept his child with his girlfriend and raise it as my own.

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The feelings of an adulterous husband and wife

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