The dilemma of continuing or pausing

This is my first post. Let me briefly introduce myself. Before I turned 30, I had probably been with a dozen or so women. My fiancée is 26. We've known each other for nine years and officially been a couple for seven. Our relationship has always been great, and in recent years we've become even more understanding and tolerant of each other. We're incredibly compatible; a single glance or gesture is enough for us to know what the other is thinking. My wife had no sexual experience before we met, meaning I was her first man, the first person to enter her body. At first, she had no feeling for sex and was just going along with me. But then she felt great during sex, and now she craves it if she doesn't have sex for a few days. Especially after drinking, she becomes very uninhibited during sex, letting her mind and body relax completely. Five years ago, I realized I had a cuckold's mentality. When we started having sex, I told her I liked having sex with her, that I liked seeing her expressions and moans of pleasure. Oh, and I forgot to mention, her moans during sex really ecstatic me. We often record sex as a prelude to our next encounter. From telling her I enjoyed having sex with her, enjoying her ecstatic expressions and moans, to asking her if she liked being fucked, which she answered yes, to gradually asking if she liked being fucked by men, which she said yes, to asking her a few more times if she liked being fucked by other men's penises, which immediately led to arguments, and afterwards, any mention of it would cause a fight. This stalemate lasted for about six months. After some guidance, she slowly began to express that she liked being fucked by other men. I was very excited, as it was a breakthrough. Normally, I would often let her read my diary entries on 69, including sharing my thoughts; life is short, and sex is a physiological enjoyment. I also explained why couples experience the seven-year itch, mainly because they become too familiar with each other's bodies, leading to a loss of feeling and passion during sex, which can affect their relationship. I frequently encouraged her to let other men have sex with her, saying it would excite me. This persuasion took about two years. One time during sex, I seriously told her that I really wanted her to experience the novelty and excitement of having sex with someone else. This time, she relented, saying she could try it after having children. I was excited for almost a week, having sex every day, seizing the opportunity. Under my persistent nagging, I could clearly feel a significant change in my thinking. I frequently made various breakthroughs, such as being willing to have sex with others, provided it was someone I liked. For example, she would tell me which men she felt good about recently, and I would quickly encourage her. However, for various reasons, she didn't take that step, perhaps because she was too worried about what if she did. We're not married yet, and she once told me that once we got a marriage certificate, she guaranteed to fulfill my cuckolding desires. She repeatedly told me she was worried about what would happen if she had sex with other men and I didn't want her anymore. About six months ago, she told me she had a strong liking for one of their clients, her type—slim, clean-cut, and well-mannered. I encouraged her, and we planned this for six months. Every time I had sex with her, she would tell me about her progress with that client. For example, when he hinted at something, she would pretend not to know his feelings; when he was attentive, she wouldn't refuse or accept it. Several times she even planned to go with me to the client's city to fulfill my long-held wish of having sex with a man other than me. I was incredibly excited, but on the other hand, because of the changing times, I also felt conflicted. After all, the woman I love most was about to be under someone else's body, being fucked by another man until she moaned. I'm conflicted and don't know how to feel. She's become very open with me about what it would be like to have sex with other men, and we talk about enjoying life and sex together. She seems to have a very high sex drive now. I don't know what to do. Our relationship is really, really good right now.

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The dilemma of continuing or pausing

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