Profound Memories 31

We hadn't gone far when a gust of wind started to kick in the alcohol. I was swaying a bit, and the little girl, already drunk, was staggering even more. Afraid she'd fall, I supported Yan, asking her as we walked, "Should we knock on the door if we go back so late?" Yan mumbled an answer, saying, "It wouldn't be good if Auntie saw us. Let's find somewhere else." It was my first time here, and I'm a bit directionally challenged. I supported Yan, and wherever she pointed, I went.
After a while, Yan said she needed to pee. I helped her to a small grove of trees by the roadside. She nudged me, saying, "Wait for me by the roadside." Standing there, I watched Yan squat down, leaning against a tree. Just as she seemed about to stand up, she suddenly leaned forward, her head plunging into the snow, her bottom sticking up high. The moon was very round and bright that day. A bright, full moon in the sky, and Yan's big, white bottom sticking up high on the ground. Yan knelt on the ground, her head in the snow. Her big, white bottom just stuck up there, motionless. I cursed a thousand times in my mind. What a mess!
I rushed over, helped Yan up, and helped her pull up her pants against a small tree. Yan had one arm around my neck, and I held her waist. The little girl was quite heavy. I dragged her like that, looking for a hotel. One. Two. Three. Because it was the grain-transfer season, there were many out-of-towners coming to transfer grain, and most places were full. Facing the whistling wind, I had no other thoughts at the time, I just wanted to find a warm room as soon as possible. Finally, I knocked on a door of a hotel, ten yuan per person. I threw her on the bed and sat on the edge of the bed, panting.
After resting for a while, I went downstairs to pay. Back then, you didn't need an ID card. I guess nobody in that place cared about these things. Just pay.
When I came back and opened the door, a strong smell of alcohol mixed with the smell of fermenting food hit my nostrils. Damn, I threw up! I was devastated. Those small hotels all had shared bathrooms. I ran to the bathroom and grabbed a scrubber and a broom. The smell, the huge puddle. I was cursing in my mind, "Eat, yeah, eat as much as you want. The more you eat, the more you throw up." The stench was awful, and I saw a pile of vomit on the floor. My stomach churned. Oh dear, I'm going to throw up too. I rushed to the bathroom. Halfway there, food gushed out, so I covered my mouth and kept running. I pushed open a bathroom door and started vomiting. While vomiting, I cursed myself, "Serves you right for being so smug. You're asking for trouble." I was dry heaving, and long snot was streaming down my face. What the hell is this?
Now I can't work after eating, probably from that time I was driving Yan around looking for a hotel. What kind of spirit is this? Fuck yourself to death. As the old folks say, "With that kind of spirit, you'll get into university sooner."
I rinsed my mouth at the tap and washed my face haphazardly to clear my head. I went back and cleaned up the vomit. There was a mop in the bathroom. I mopped the floor clean too. When I went back, I saw Yan already half-leaning against the headboard. Damn, I think she deliberately waited until I finished tidying up before sitting up. That's so awful. Before I could even speak, Yan said, "I'm thirsty, I want some water." I thought to myself, "Go to hell, there's not even a thermos in this room, where's the water coming from?" But I said, "I'll go downstairs and see if there are any drinks." These kinds of small hotels usually sell drinks and cigarettes. I came back carrying five or six bottles of drinks. This whole ordeal left me exhausted. I had no energy left.
We each drank a little. Yan pointed to another bed and said, "Lie down and sleep." There were four single metal beds in the room. There was a small cabinet between the two beds near the window. I turned off the light and lay down opposite Yan. After throwing up and drinking some more, I felt much more awake. My wicked thoughts returned, and I tossed and turned, unable to sleep. I stole glances at Yan on the opposite bed, figuring out how to make my move. The
curtains weren't drawn, and in the moonlight, Yan didn't seem to be asleep either. I got up and went to Yan's bedside, patting her and saying, "Want some more water?" Yan, as expected, wasn't asleep and said, "No, I don't want any more." I carefully lay down next to Yan. Yan was facing the wall, only nudging me with her bottom and saying, "Go sleep over there, it's too cramped." I ignored Yan, lying on my side behind her, one hand on her waist.
The long, agonizing wait began, my hand slipping inside Yan's bra. I gently grabbed a small handful; her little belly was quite fleshy. Yan didn't react. After a pause, my hand continued upwards, almost reaching her chest. Yan pressed down on my hand inside her clothes with one hand. I struggled, but Yan held on tightly. We both remained silent, our hands straining.
I lay there encouraging myself, "Even now, I can't let this opportunity slip away. I'll force myself on her." I pulled my hand out of her clothes, turned Yan's shoulders, and pressed myself against her. Yan struggled silently. Wow, this little chubby girl really has a lot of guts. One hand couldn't hold down both of her hands. With the other hand free, I couldn't pull her pants down.
After struggling for several minutes, I don't know how, the little girl kicked me from below. With a sudden burst of strength, bang! I was kicked off the bed, face up. Like a rabbit kicking an eagle! Heavens, I felt like dying.
I stood up, wiping the sweat from my earlier struggle, and saw Yan facing the wall again. I was filled with hatred! Was God punishing me? Was it so hard to do something meaningful?!
Disheartened, I plopped down on the edge of the bed, took out a cigarette, lit it, and took a deep drag. I glared at Yan resentfully; at that moment, I felt like a bitter woman.

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