Big Life

>When I was in college, I had a crush on a girl named Qian. She replied to several of my letters, but I got angry and wrote her a letter to vent my frustration.

Then one day in my sophomore year, I was in the computer lab (that's when I started to get interested in computer science) and saw a girl sitting in a Turbo C room. I couldn't resist going over to her. I started helping her with my computer skills, teaching her (another girl wasn't interested) how to use programs, and asking to borrow something from her. When we parted, I learned her name was Yun (pseudonym), and she was a junior

in her department. Several days later, I heard a sweet girl's voice calling my name from outside my dorm. It was Yun. She had borrowed something. A few days later, she came again and suggested we go for a walk. I went down with her in my winter clothes, even though it was cold, but I kept her company and chatted with her. Later, I found out that she had always been interested in me, but she only knew I was a year younger than her and hesitated for a few days before contacting me. The following Saturday

, it was the same old routine. She had a lot of materials for the fourth exam, so we agreed to go to the computer lab together one day, and she gave me hers. When I went to the lab that day, I waited for a while, but it was her turn. I was so angry I almost cried, so I left. Just then, I saw her, and since I couldn't go to the lab anymore, we found a classroom and sat together. Her hair was like a waterfall, and she smelled of fresh shower. She wasn't very open, but she was very attractive. We chatted, and then went to a snack bar together. I drank a beer, feeling quite tipsy. Afterwards, I walked along the school lake. I unconsciously moved closer to her, but she avoided me. I felt a strange sensation.

When we reached a tree, I suddenly hugged her and kissed her. She didn't flinch, just... inside... So I moved to a spot where there was only one person, and she sat on my lap. I started kissing her intensely; she didn't seem to reciprocate, but slowly she began to pull away. My hand unconsciously moved to her chest, and she seemed to flinch, showing some resistance. She whispered

in my ear, "If you're with me, I'll take you." I swore it with absolute certainty, and it truly came from my heart. I thought about how, the first time was so easy, and I really fell deeply in love with her.

In the days that followed, we were inseparable. We ate together (I couldn't bear to watch, I don't know what she was thinking), and often held hands in the department. There was a safe place in our naval architecture department, and we often kissed there, even in broad daylight, I would take off her top and kiss her breasts, and she was just as engrossed in it, just like me. But one thing surprised me, Yun never kissed her genitals, not even through her clothes. At the same time, she would touch my thigh with her genitals, and I could feel her genitals swelling.

That year, I was deeply mired in the mire of love. She also cared for me in every way, she would go to school, no matter how cold the weather, I would go to see her off and pick her up, she would carry my backpack, it was cold in winter, I would wash her clothes, and I even hung her clothes out to dry in the dormitory, unafraid of the ridicule of my classmates. Because I'm quick, I'm willing. 1024xp.com

I've always wanted to do it with her, but there are two reasons: first, she doesn't agree, and second, I'm not sure. I look at her there, her eyes.

1024xp.com Once, after my repeated requests, she agreed to let me see, but when I reached a dark pubic area, she changed her mind. Another time, she felt my pubic hair and wanted to see, so I... 1024xp.com

One year, I will never forget it, I believe it was true love. 1024xp.com

During the summer vacation when she was a senior in college, one night I called her house. Her sister had already returned to school, so I searched all over the school for her. I finally found her. She was preparing for her postgraduate entrance exam. She didn't understand anything and just came out with me. We walked together to a grassy area, and in the grass, I kissed, hugged, and kissed her breasts. She was also very engaged, she didn't say a word from beginning to end. After everything calmed down, she said, "I want to say something to you." I didn't take it seriously, and the thought was—let's break up. I thought it was a joke because there were warning signs and reasons. She was very firm, and I shouldn't have any more hope, nor was I preparing for graduate school. Then she went back to her dorm. I was stunned, I felt like my chest was about to bleed... I sat under her all night, without a sound. 1024xp.com

Next, I went to find her, but she ignored me, and when I bumped into her, she showed no expression. Once, I found a teddy bear I gave her dismembered at the garbage chute under her door. It had taken a whole day to get food and clothing... My heart was breaking, I would rather be dismembered like that teddy bear by her. I don't know what she wants, what? 1024xp.com

I have no way, only the beginning, the process, the knowledge. The situation is much better than last year, but you can't know the pain and bitterness in my heart... 1024xp.com

A year, she was sometimes better than me. A few times I found her, and I kissed her, and she was very excited. During the days she was preparing for her postgraduate entrance exam, I picked her up. During winter break, I even bought her a train ticket home. When it came time for job assignments, she even mentioned things to me. I regret not knowing more about job hunting; otherwise, I could have helped her find a job in the city, and she could have stayed, giving me a chance later.

She was almost done with her studies, and we became even friendlier. We could chat often. Once, at the lake, she casually asked, "If I go back, can you accept it?" I inexplicably... and she jokingly replied, "Just kidding." I've regretted it ever since.

On the evening before she left, I felt she wanted to see me, so I logged off. She did, after showering, wearing a colorful dress. She went to my dorm; if she did, there might be something going on that night. Unfortunately, there was a jerk playing cards in the dorm that night! I could only walk around campus until midnight. I kissed and hugged, hoping to take things further, but the mosquitoes were bothering me! The next

morning, my dad came to see me, and I went to the store to see my classmate off. I rushed out, thinking of her. I finally found a store, but I was broke. But even if it was the moon, I would have gone to see her without hesitation. I ran to the train station.

The train station in the season was special. Groups of students were singing "True Hero". I knew her seat, so I put my things on her seat. Then she left. I hugged and kissed her. We both wanted to merge into our bodies... Then I said goodbye to my classmate and left. There was a group of people there. Some girls were crying. I stood on the platform and looked at her. I couldn't help but cry, so I turned away and let the tears flow. Suddenly, her classmate called me. "Yun wants to be with me." I looked at her from behind. It was like rain! She grabbed my arm and held on tightly. "Take care..." I didn't say anything. I held her hand too, and just cried... God, why did you want me?

Why can't we be together?!

It was a fire. I ran, my clothes soaked with water and sweat. 1024xp.com

-Yun- really left. I returned to the empty school like a ghost. Every day, I thought of -Yun-, of the light we shared. Every time I saw the classroom where we used to be, my heart ached. After that, I went back to school. I also started taking naps, very hard. 1024xp.com

Next, I became a different person, taciturn, and started working part-time at an external company, burying myself in the process of speaking. Very, I lost interest in girls. I couldn't help it, I felt old, and I longed to be the mischievous boy I used to be. I became mature and serious. 1024xp.com

To this day, I still don't know why -Yun- left me. Once, she asked me: "What do you think of your girlfriend?" I felt she might have something to tell me, so I pressed her to hurry up and answered, "I value her very much." What if she was forced by a thug? God knows, I actually said: "Even if a woman dies fighting a thug, it's better than being unrealistic." I don't care what she does, I'm just rambling. Thinking back, it's very likely related to her own actions (later, when she was in junior high, a bad guy pulled out a gun and chased her, but she ran away; I chased her because of the breakup, and she also said that, as I later learned, she wanted to marry an older man). Is that the truth? If so, Yun, do you know? I really don't care, because I'm mature now, and I don't talk nonsense anymore. As long as I can be with you, that's better than anything else. 1024xp.com

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