A Sensitive, Artistic Young Female Colleague's Post-Sex Sharing

From Xiaoruan's tone and words, I could sense the deep guilt tormenting her. From her second year of high school to university graduation, she and her first boyfriend had a six-year relationship, during which they must have sworn countless vows of eternal love. Just moments ago, another man had taken her body, and she had even willingly climbed on top of him. How could Xiaoruan not feel guilty under such circumstances? Later, I held the soft, guilty Xiaoruan in my arms as we drifted off to sleep.
Xiaoruan's guilt remained deep afterward, but that night, I ultimately failed to consider the possibility of her emotions suddenly erupting when she crossed that final line. Although Xiaoruan couldn't resist her love for me and had decided to give herself to me, if she weren't the straightforward and decisive type, it might have ended that very night after I got off her.
But regardless, I had discovered a "new continent" within Xiaoruan, and it wouldn't be easy for her to escape anytime soon.
I remember sleeping in very late the next day. After checking out of the hotel, we went to work together. Thinking about it, Xiaoruan is really a very independent and good woman. She even pays for her own room when she goes to a hotel with other men. All day long, the thought of being enveloped by Xiaoruan made my heart flutter. Xiaoruan also said that from then on, I suddenly became very enthusiastic towards her.
On the surface, Xiaoruan is a tomboy, but in reality, she is also a very soft-hearted and artistic young woman. That night, we went home separately. Xiaoruan registered a new QQ account and added me around midnight. While I was marveling at how Xiaoruan knew to keep it a secret, I saw her diary. That's when I realized that she registered a new QQ account to write this for me to see. I'll share it with you all so that you can better understand Xiaoruan's personality. In a sense, what she wrote is a bit like erotic fiction. I think it wouldn't hurt to post it directly on 69.com.
------Xiaoruan's Diary Begins------
Turning Point 201x.9.3
The taxi came too suddenly. He left, and I stood on the side of the road feeling like I still had something to say.

I took a taxi to his place.

That night, he held me, and I lay quietly in his arms. He began to kiss me, and I responded, my heart already burning with passion.

I tried my best to remain calm, but clearly, he was anything but. He kissed my lips, my neck, and undid my clothes piece by piece, his hands roaming up and down. I struggled desperately, but he seemed oblivious to my words. His heavy breathing carried only one sentence: "I want you."

My struggles were futile; he entered me. I was terrified, truly terrified. I had never imagined things would turn out this way, and I couldn't believe I had become such an unfaithful woman. I cried.

Seeing my tears, he abruptly jumped away and helped me put my clothes back on.

He kept uttering words of remorse, and I suddenly felt so sorry for this man. I held him, still panting, trying to comfort him. But he just smiled foolishly. I didn't understand what he was thinking, but his foolish smile revealed his sorrow.

Looking at him, almost unconsciously, I unbuttoned my clothes again.

When I woke up in the morning, he had already been awake for a long time. He refused to get out of bed, holding me and not letting me get up. After nearly ten struggles, this guy finally let me get up, you big bad guy.

He interfered with my work all day. Whenever I went online on QQ, I could see what he said to me. Sigh.

~~He called during the day. My first reaction was to glance at him, and it was also the first time I felt that I shouldn't have answered his call while I was sitting down. I feel like such a bad woman.

------End of Xiaoruan's Diary------

I wonder what everyone thinks after reading Xiaoruan's diary. Do you feel that it's different from what I described? Actually, you can just believe what I said for now. I understand Xiaoruan's mentality quite well now.
First of all, Xiaoruan just experienced a "major life event," and she was also very conflicted, so she wrote a diary to record her girlish feelings. But people always find various reasons to make everything that has happened seem as reasonable as possible.
Then there's the line, "I never imagined today would turn out like this." In her state of guilt and inner turmoil, Xiaoruan at least tries to convince herself in her diary that this wasn't something she planned, but rather something that happened involuntarily, step by step.
But most importantly, while Xiaoruan is ostensibly writing in her diary, a large part of her motivation is actually to show me her true self. Frankly, she's trying to put on a slightly more respectable mask after committing this absurd act. Xiaoruan certainly doesn't want me to think she's that kind of promiscuous woman. She certainly wouldn't say she planned to have me do it, nor would she say she didn't struggle at all, and she certainly wouldn't say that she saw me stop but didn't want to end it, so she had to climb on top of me voluntarily.
In her diary, she attributes all of this to my initiative and her seeing my distress as a form of self-sacrifice. This isn't just to let me know she's a good woman, and that everything that happened was simply out of her control. It's also a way of brainwashing herself.
I'm quite certain that Xiaoruan didn't struggle at all; even the term "playing hard to get" doesn't fit. She was completely at my mercy. If Xiaoruan had resisted even a little, I wouldn't have kept thinking she was "soft" later.
But for a genuinely virtuous woman like her, who was having her first affair, this fig leaf absolutely couldn't be torn down.
Later, when I seduced and trained my newlywed colleague Yue, I didn't give her a chance to cover herself up. Before I even had sex with Yue, I had already covered her up completely. That's why my sex with Yue and my subsequent training of her were so smooth and effortless. (You'll understand when I talk about her later.)

But I couldn't let Xiaoruan's writings brainwash me, so I wrote one too, though of course, I didn't let her see it. I'll share it with you all, since it's closer to the truth.
------My Diary Begins------
Did it, Loved it 201x.9.5 -
Finally, I got into her bed. Finally, I started making love without hesitation. I didn't want to wait any longer!
I was a little crazy! She was a little tight! She sucked me in! She really sucked me in! Physically sucked me in!
And I felt like she sucked my heart in! I was starting to fall in love!
Halfway through, I saw her tears. I was stunned… I stopped abruptly…
completely stunned…
Then she took the initiative… took off her clothes…
Then… I really started to fall in love…
She said, “If not… even if it’s my first time, I’ll give it to you.”
Guilt yet madness?
------End of my diary------
Was I a bit of a literary youth back then, even though I learned the “omitted line breaks” style from Xiao Ruan (omitting words when there are none, or using line breaks when the logic is flawed)? But I was definitely influenced by Xiao Ruan to start writing.
Later, Xiaoruan's conflicted and self-blaming state lasted for less than two weeks. I didn't have any other way to relieve her distress, so I kept trying to cheer her up. Back then, I wasn't the kind of man who was always eager to get Xiaoruan back into bed. I felt there was plenty of time, and I never mentioned wanting to sleep with her again. Of course, the biggest reason was that I felt I shouldn't put too much pressure on a woman at that age.
Looking back now, I realize I unintentionally used a very clever technique, which, in today's terms, would be called "playing hard to get." So it worked quickly.
------A chat log------
Her thoughts 201x.9.17
Edit Delete Convert to Log Font: Medium
Previous Post | Next Post: Touched by Myself
Xiaoruan 1:09:26
What happened that night was very important to me. Really.
It had a big impact on me .

Xiaoruan 1:09:34
My thoughts have changed, haha.
Me 1:09:44
I wrongly judged you by my own standards.
Xiaoruan 1:10:00
I can lie to you, but I can't lie to myself.
Me 1:10:06
I just want you to tell me how much this has affected you.
Me 1:10:14
Please tell me everything.

Xiaoruan 1:10:34
Okay, then I'll just say it directly.
Me 1:10:35
Hmm.
Me 1:13:18
I want to know, in your opinion, what exactly did I do to you, hehe.
Me 1:13:26
So, just say it.
Xiaoruan 1:14:02
From now on, you will be deeply rooted in my heart. In my mind, you are my man. I don't know if you've heard this saying, that the most effective way to win a woman's heart is to have sex with her.
You and I have already done that. And, the moment you entered my body, no matter what my emotions were, I considered you my man. My subconscious thought was that from now on, this man is mine, he belongs only to me, and not to any other woman.
Even more so, at that moment, I thought, from now on, my world only has you.
Xiaoruan 1:14:19
If you think the details are unnecessary, please ignore them.
Xiaoruan 1:15:24
What you did to me was to possess my body, and at the same time, my soul.
------End of chat log------
This is a short chat log with Xiaoruan later. I felt it was quite meaningful at the time, and I thought this was the real "turning point," so I posted it in my private blog. Actually, Xiaoruan's words basically confirmed to me that she had resolved her inner conflict. "In the name of love," it's less about her deceiving me and more about her deceiving herself to give herself a sufficient reason. In short, I felt that what followed should be a time of enjoyment.
My second "battle" with Xiaoruan was a small climax in our sex life. After two weeks of holding back, Xiaoruan and I finally achieved complete release that day.
We both had that feeling of reaching a boiling point from the inside out, from our hearts to our bodies.

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A Sensitive, Artistic Young Female Colleague's Post-Sex Sharing

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