Memoirs of Those Years: My Emotional Entanglement with Y Over the Past Three Years (Part 6)

My acquaintance with Y was a strange journey. Even now, when I occasionally think back on it, my heart still aches slightly. It's not because I loved him so deeply, but because of all the arguments and disagreements we had for nearly three years. I blocked him on WeChat and then added him back; I deleted his phone number and then saved it again. During those three years, we were like a couple. He did so many things for my husband, showing concern and care for me, which made me feel warm after returning to Weihai.

I've written about this before, saying that he's the only man I've brought home twice because I know his personality so well, and he's always been very good to my family. Although he has a relatively volatile temper, he's very gentle with my family. In the nearly three years we've been together, we've had countless sexual encounters, but I told my husband about the most intense one. He probably already guessed the rest, but I didn't tell him the truth. Writing this down today is a kind of honesty and openness. I admit that he wasn't by my side during those three years. Y was almost always by my side during those days, and he truly gave me a great deal of care and warmth. It wasn't about love; at the time, it was just a feeling of reluctance to let go. I don't like sex without feeling, and of course, I don't like relationships without sex

. During that time, Y gave me a lot of help at work, never complaining about the harsh weather. Y isn't a meticulous person, but he changed a lot for me. He knew I didn't like peeling shrimp; I liked peeling fruit and cutting it into pieces; he knew I liked to drink, but he couldn't drink much, so he drank with me; he often accompanied me to pick up goods, helping me negotiate prices with merchants to save money, which made me feel a sense of security; he also accompanied me to many places in Weihai; when he came back from his hometown, he would bring me local specialties, and knowing what I liked to eat, he would put them in his pocket and bring them to me; he never took things from me for free, always paying the full price. Actually, sometimes it's not about having a lot of money or being rich that you can do a lot of things, the key is your heart. Does he care about you?

Let me tell you about when we first met. How did I fall for him?

It was the summer of 2019, when I took my mother and child back to Weihai. We were preparing to set up a stall in Weihai to sell things. Everyone knows that women with children have very few jobs to do. Plus, I didn't want to work for someone else, and I didn't want the lack of freedom in traditional jobs. So, I chose to set up a stall. By chance, the market was so big, and I found a stall next to Y's. It was a place he shared with another brother. After discussing it with my mother, they agreed, and we started selling. That's how fate began to quietly unfold.

Real progress came a month later, one evening. We were drinking together, along with another brother, his aunt and uncle, and another couple. They invited me to join them. I thought I had nothing to do at home, and a little drinking would be nice, but my uncle insisted I drink baijiu (Chinese liquor). So I drank a little. At the table, I even joked with him about how once I took my husband by the roadside... When I introduced him, he didn't react because he was too busy and a little hard of hearing. He kept apologizing and his face turned red, which I found even more amusing. I told him he should punish himself with three drinks, and sure enough, he didn't refuse and picked up the glass to drink. I found it very interesting; the light shone on his face, and his smile looked especially handsome. After he finished drinking, he said he saw I was a little drunk and unsteady on my feet, and offered to take me home. I said no, it's just a few steps. It's not far; it's only a 2-minute walk from the market to the back gate of the community. But he insisted on taking me to the community gate, so he helped me walk out. That short distance took us a full half hour.

I'm the kind of person who immediately feels sleepy after drinking a little too much, so I wanted to lie down on the street. He said that wouldn't work; the ground was too cold. So he sat down and said, "Why don't you lie on my lap and rest for a while?" I was a little surprised, but I still lay down on his lap. We were both dizzy, facing each other, talking naturally. I looked at his flushed face, illuminated by the light, and his double eyelids were especially attractive. I couldn't resist wanting to kiss him. So, emboldened by the alcohol, I put my arms around his neck and tried to kiss him. He said, "You're drunk. This won't do. I don't want to take advantage of you." I said, "I just want to kiss you." That night, I don't know where I got the courage; I just wanted to kiss him and feel his presence.

After some effort, he couldn't resist anymore and buried his face in my mouth, kissing me so hard I almost suffocated. After a while, he said, "Let's go to the car," and pulled me back to where I had parked. As soon as we reached the car door, he grabbed me and started kissing me passionately, one hand roaming over my chest, making me instantly gasp for breath. Because there were other people nearby, I didn't dare to moan loudly; the thrill was overwhelming. But we still didn't cross the final line because he said he was too drunk and didn't want to do it like this; he wanted to find a time to have a proper time.

And so, we took things further.

Not long after, one afternoon, I went to Wendeng to buy goods, and he came with me. Because it was midday and my head was hot, I said I was sleepy and wanted to sleep. He said he wanted to sleep with me. I said no, he definitely wouldn't be honest, and he promised he couldn't persuade me, hahaha... Men, ah... Nobody believed that. So we found a hotel for a midday rest. Because it was so hot, we both took showers and got dressed before coming out. At first, he was indeed very well-behaved, but before I fell asleep, he couldn't help but grab me and hug me tightly. I tried to break free, but he wouldn't let go. In this half-hearted, half-forced way, I actually started to feel something. That semi-forced feeling was so irresistible.

So we naturally had our first time. This time, it ended amidst my cursing and his moans.

In the nearly three years that followed, we had many more times, but the last time was also the most exciting and the reason for our breakup.

That day, he cursed at me in front of many people. From that moment on, I decided to give up on this relationship. That night, my friend treated us to dinner. Since we all got along very well, I knew he would be there too, so I wanted to refuse but felt I shouldn't offend my friend. My friend's mom texted me to come over for dinner, saying she'd made something delicious for me, so I agreed. After finishing my

work that evening, I drove over. When I saw him, I pretended not to see him. He greeted me, but I ignored him. That night, he served me food and peeled shrimp, but I didn't say anything, just ate silently. He asked me, "Are you still angry?" I didn't answer and drank with them. I drank a mix of baijiu and red wine; I get drunk very quickly with any alcohol. Soon after, I started saying I wanted to go home and started walking outside. But as soon as I felt a breeze, I started vomiting. Being angry and drunk made me feel really unwell. He came out with a bottle of water and said to me, "Why did you drink so much?" I said, "Don't touch me, I don't want to talk to you." We struggled for a few minutes, and then he angrily dragged me towards his house. I didn't want to go, and I struggled to break free, but he wouldn't let me. I ran and stumbled all the way home, and he threw me onto the bed—it was so violent.

He washed my face with water, then helped me to bed and undressed me, but I resisted. I said I wanted to go home, and he said, "You're drunk, where are you going? Get some sleep first." Actually, he didn't want to sleep with me that night, but my behavior aroused him, making him instantly become a beast. He grabbed my face and kissed me wildly. I couldn't breathe and kept hitting him, but he wouldn't stop, as if venting all the indifference I had shown him that night. But this behavior only aroused me more. The more frantic and uncontrollable the behavior, the more I liked it. Plus, being drunk made me more sensitive, and soon I was completely defenseless, letting him take off my clothes and touch me. He bit and licked my breasts, waves of pleasure assaulting my brain like an electric current. It felt so good, I moaned uncontrollably. Although my body was out of control, my mind was still clear. He pulled out his penis and shoved it into my mouth. I started sucking on his penis, thrusting it in and out of my mouth. After a while, it got hard. He took the opportunity to thrust in. I let out a scream. Actually, I didn't want to, but my body betrayed me. During those three years, every time he touched me, I felt incredibly aroused. Every time he wanted to kiss me, I would half-heartedly resist, which was the most pleasurable state. Especially in the car, when he tried to force a kiss on me, I couldn't resist. Once, we had sex in the car for half an hour, and we both reached orgasm.

Later, I realized it was probably because I was so deeply in love that I lost all sense of reason. So, for the last time, I left his house in the middle of the night. Although we kept in touch afterward, it wasn't the same passionate and entangled relationship as before. I never went back to his house, and he was also very sensible, rarely contacting me.

A few nights before he left, around 8 or 9 pm, he wanted me to take him to the beach and the night market, saying he hadn't been to Weihai in years. So I took him to the beach and then to the night market. While we were eating, he said, "I hope you can add me back." He picked up my phone and started typing. I didn't object because I knew this was our last supper and his final request. After that, he went back to Northeast China, and the relationship was completely over.

This was the most memorable relationship I've had in all these years, besides my husband. Luckily, we entered this circle; otherwise, this would be considered cheating! Hahaha.
But I still managed to control myself. I understood that others are always others, and my husband is an indispensable part of my life. Although I invested a lot in this relationship, I was decisive. As long as it didn't cross my principles, I could do whatever I wanted. We've had sex in cars and in parks, but his performance was average,

so I'll take it slow. Finding someone I'm truly satisfied with is probably extremely difficult.

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Memoirs of Those Years: My Emotional Entanglement with Y Over the Past Three Years (Part 6)

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