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My husband encouraged me to have sex with his friend. 

We've been married for seven years, and our seventh wedding anniversary is just around the corner. From dating to marriage, our relationship has always been wonderful. If it weren't for those long-buried memories, I think we would still be happily together. But since last year, those forgotten letters have been like a hammer, shattering our almost perfect happiness…
I met my husband in the summer, after I had been working for two years. When I was in college, I had a boyfriend named Zidong, a handsome and intelligent boy. After graduation, Zidong and I stayed together, and both our families approved of our relationship, just waiting for us to mature a bit before getting married. However, perhaps because we were too young, we both valued our own feelings too much and often argued fiercely over the smallest things. Later, neither of us was willing to compromise, and we felt that the other wasn't the right person for us, so we broke up in the third year of our relationship.
To be honest, that relationship had a significant impact on me. It taught me that love shouldn't be rushed or impulsive. But the past is the past. Since Zidong and I weren't destined to be together for life, there's nothing to regret. Later, I spent over a year alone, and only after fully adjusting my mindset did I begin to accept new relationships. I met Xia Tian when I opened my heart to new love.
At that time, Xia Tian and I had business dealings at work. When colleagues and friends ate together, we were the only two single, so they would jokingly tease us. Actually, Xia Tian was a nice young man. Although he wasn't particularly handsome, he was honest, kind, and enthusiastic, and an outstanding employee. After experiencing a failed relationship, I understood more clearly than before what I truly needed. Looks and money were secondary; the most important thing was the person themselves. (Women's Private Talk http://sifanghua.com)
Not long after, Xia Tian, encouraged by his friends, began pursuing me. I didn't refuse, but I didn't agree immediately either. After observing him for a while, I felt he was a reliable man, so we officially started dating. During our relationship, I didn't mention anything about Zi Dong to Xia Tian, not intentionally hiding anything, but because I felt it was unnecessary. The past is history and can't be revisited; I only needed to focus on the present and strive for a happy future. He once vaguely asked me about my past, but I didn't say much and brushed it off with a few words.
I know Xia Tian cares about me. He thinks I'm like a beautiful princess, and being with him is his blessing. Although we got married after dating for less than two years, he's still constantly worried that I'll leave him. Sometimes I'll pinch his cheek and say, "Silly, I'm your wife now, I'll never leave you!" He'll just smile foolishly and say, "I love you so much, baby!"
Married life was blissful. Xia Tian treated me incredibly well. Every morning, he would wake up more than half an hour earlier than me to quietly make me breakfast. Even when I was already awake, I would pretend to be fast asleep, sweetly enjoying the happiness of being loved and pampered. When Xia Tian went home from get off work, he would take a short detour past my workplace, so every day before he left work, he would call me to ask what I wanted to eat, then he would buy it and pick me up from work to go home together… Those days were so sweet, but now they are all memories that will never be repeated.
Two years after our marriage, our love was blossomed. The arrival of our daughter brought Xia Tian immense happiness. He would often hold her and sit beside me, playing with her while saying, "Wife, I truly feel like the happiest man in the world." Looking at my two closest loved ones, my heart was also overflowing with happiness.
As our child grows up, our feelings have gradually calmed down with the passage of time, but this doesn't mean love has disappeared; rather, it has settled and deepened. I believe we will continue to live happily ever after.
Unexpected things can happen at any time. Who could have imagined that some old letters could become a bomb that destroys our marital happiness?
At the end of the year before last, to prepare for the Spring Festival, Xia Tian and I did a thorough house cleaning. In the bottom drawer of the bookcase, he found some letters from Zi Dong and me from years ago. We were chatting and laughing while we were working, but after seeing the letters, he suddenly fell silent. I thought something was wrong, so I nervously went over to look. When I saw the letters, I smiled dismissively and said to him, "Oh, it's these. I thought something was wrong. Why are they still here? I'd forgotten about them. Let's throw them away." But Xia Tian still didn't say anything. He put the letters back and turned to clean another room. At the time, I didn't pay attention to his mood and followed him to clean the other room. The letters were still in that drawer.
However, everything changed from that point on. Summer became noticeably colder towards me. I had to ask him several times before he would answer, and even then, he was indifferent. I was puzzled and asked him what was wrong, but he didn't say anything. Since it was the Lunar New Year and I was busy, I put the matter aside.
It wasn't until late spring/early summer last year that I finally couldn't bear Xia Tian's indifference any longer. At first, I thought he might be having work troubles, but no matter how much I comforted or encouraged him, he remained lukewarm towards me. One weekend, I sent the child to my mother-in-law's and talked to Xia Tian. After I told him about his recent changes, he said to me, "You should ask yourself first, what's really going on between you and that Zi Dong?" Only then did I realize that all his changes stemmed from those letters!
I frantically dug out those letters, dusting them off, and said to Xia Tian, "Is it because of these old letters that you're being cold to me? I did date before you, but what does that prove? Do you want my past, my present, or my future?" He accused me of not telling him sooner, saying it was deception to him. I was going crazy, yelling at him, "I didn't know you when I was dating him, and he was long gone when I was dating you. Did I need to tell you? Besides, did I have an obligation to tell you?" He didn't speak, just lowered his head and smoked, saying that a shadow had formed in his heart, and that I should give him time to slowly accept it.
After calming down, I truly felt that our conflicts and arguments were pointless. Although Zidong was also in this city, we hadn't seen each other for six or seven years. If I hadn't found those letters while cleaning, I wouldn't have even thought of Zidong. I told Xia Tian that I would give him time to accept things, but on the condition that he didn't doubt my feelings; I was absolutely loyal to him.
I don't know what Xia Tian was thinking. I'm sure he didn't want to think about me and Zi Dong, and didn't want to see those letters. But I unexpectedly discovered that he had kept all the letters I asked him to destroy, and he even secretly looked at them when I wasn't home! One weekend, Xia Tian said he wasn't feeling well and wanted to rest at home, so I took the child to my mother-in-law's house. Later, the child wanted to stay at her grandmother's for a day, so I went home early.
When I got home, Xia Tian wasn't there. Instead, there were the letters between Zi Dong and me on the desk in the study, and a pile of cigarette butts in the ashtray… Seeing those things brought tears to my eyes. I didn't know what Xia Tian was trying to do. Those letters were clearly a source of distress for him; why didn't he destroy them, but instead secretly read them again?
When I came home in the summer, I saw that he had discovered he was reading those letters. He seemed a little embarrassed, but then he said to me in great pain, "I don't want you to have loved anyone else, but the more I do this, the more I want to know about your past. I hate those letters, but I can't help but want to read them." Seeing his pained expression, I suddenly felt afraid, as if our marriage was sliding into an unknowable abyss... (Women's Private Talk http://sifanghua.com)
I burned those letters in front of Xia Tian. Then, Xia Tian hugged me and said, "Wife, don't leave me, let's live a good life together." I cried, "The past can't affect our marriage at all, believe me, I truly love you."
I thought that from then on, Xia Tian would be free of any grudges, and we could return to our former happiness. But I never expected that the shadow in his heart would remain, and grow heavier and heavier. Before, Xia Tian and I trusted each other completely. No matter what we did outside, we only needed to tell each other, and we never doubted one another. But later, Xia Tian started to distrust me. Every time I went out, he would ask me everything. If I had any social engagements, he would be even more worried, calling me almost every few minutes to ask where I was and who I was with... Sometimes my girlfriend would say to me, "Oh my, we've been married for so long, and you're still so affectionate?" I could only smile, but I felt terrible inside.
What worries Xia Tian the most is my college classmate. I simply can't say the words "college classmate" to his face; it makes him extremely irritable and he'll pick a fight with me. Later, I realized this, so whenever I'm with my college friends, I try to hide it from Xia Tian. But if he finds out, he gets even angrier and we'll argue even more fiercely. I have several very good friends who are my college classmates, and cutting ties with them is impossible for me, but I don't know how to do it without hurting our friendships or upsetting Xia Tian…
However, fate seemed to be playing a cruel joke on me. Just when my relationship with Xia Tian was strained, Zi Dong, whom I hadn't seen for years, suddenly appeared before me. It was at the end of last year, at our university reunion. I didn't want to go, afraid that Xia Tian would be angry if she found out, but my good friend Lingling insisted that I go. She even said, "If your husband is worried, I'll come to your house and tell him we're going shopping!" I didn't really care. We'd had class reunions before, but I'd never run into Zi Dong. I'd heard he was doing business out of town. So, I went to the reunion.
Coincidentally, I actually ran into Zidong this time! He had returned to Jinan after doing business in another city for several years, and he had just divorced his wife from another city... Although Zidong and I only exchanged greetings and the meal was very ordinary, I still felt uneasy. Before the gathering was over, I made an excuse to go home.
However, Xia Tian still found out when I got home. He first asked where I'd been, and I said, "You know I went shopping with Lingling!" He sneered, "Hmph, then how come someone told me you were eating at a hotel?" Apparently, a friend of Xia Tian's who lived in the same building as us was eating at the hotel where we had our gathering. He saw me there, and when he ran into Xia Tian on his way home, he casually mentioned it. Then Xia Tian went to that hotel. He'd seen Zi Dong's photo in those letters, and so…
I didn't know what to say. I felt terrible, thinking: What is this? I didn't do anything, yet I live in constant fear, and now this happens. I can't explain myself no matter how hard I try! Sure enough, Xia Tian asked me to explain. I gave a bitter laugh and said, "Would you believe me if I explained?" He flew into a rage, venting his frustration on me incessantly…
I didn't hear a word he said; my mind was a complete mess. Perhaps because Xia Tian saw my lack of remorse, he shoved me hard, and I fell onto the teacup he had just smashed… Finally, I ran out of the house, clutching my cut hand, his angry roar and the sound of my child crying following me.
That day, I stayed at Lingling's house. After I tearfully told Lingling everything, she was so angry that she immediately wanted to come to my house to confront Xia Tian, but I stopped her. We didn't sleep a wink that night. Lingling eventually told me that after the party, Zidong asked for my phone number.
The next day, I received a call from Zidong at work. He asked if something was wrong, saying I seemed distracted when I left. I couldn't help but cry on the phone. I didn't know what to do. Xia Tian disliked my attitude in apologizing and wouldn't let me go home. So, when Zidong asked to see me, I agreed.
I think I would feel wronged if it were anyone I knew, no matter who they were, when they asked me with concern, let alone Zidong, whom I used to love. He was very angry after hearing my story, but also felt guilty, feeling that he had affected me and Xia Tian. (Women's Private Talk http://sifanghua.com)
But how could I blame Zidong? That day, Zidong and I talked for a long time. The trials of the past few years had matured us considerably; we were no longer the impulsive and reckless young people we once were. That day, I stayed at Zidong's house. We didn't do anything, just sat together and chatted, but I knew my heart had already strayed. If my suspicions from that summer were unfounded, then my relationship with Zidong would no longer be so innocent…
A few days later, Xia Tian called me and asked me to come home. Then we sat down and talked. He said he didn't want a divorce, but hoped I could put his mind at ease in the future. I just cried and couldn't say anything.
My life with Xia Tian continues. Zi Dong calls me occasionally, and we meet up sometimes. Xia Tian still argues with me because of her suspicions, and whenever that happens, I can't help but think of Zi Dong. I don't know if Xia Tian and I can ever return to our former happiness. If not, I think my heart will lean more and more towards Zi Dong…

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