2008, my birth year

On the eve of the Lunar New Year , close to midnight , I solemnly bathed, put on red underwear, and dressed before leaving the bathroom. I opened the door, carefully placing one foot inside the threshold and the other outside. My beloved was already waiting there. She reverently tied the red string she had bought long ago around my waist. It seemed as if at that very moment, the New Year's bells rang, and my birth year had begun... At that moment, I was determined to begin an eventful year for myself. On the fifteenth day of the first lunar month, I went to the Yonghe Temple and obtained a protective amulet for myself. As I knelt before Buddha with my hands clasped together, I silently prayed, "May Buddha bless me with a peaceful and safe year for my birth year."
On February 25th , I formally submitted my resignation to the company, my attitude very firm. Then, I calmly and carefully handed over all my work. Three days later, I completed all the resignation procedures and left the company I had dedicated seven years to. As my car drove away from the company gate, I felt a pang of nostalgia. Here, I had burned seven years of my youth; now I was free, and I could pursue my dreams.
I once read a sentence in a book that roughly meant that a person who always feels their life is difficult and their years are wasted is actually just ordinary compared to others. Today is the third day of 2009. Looking back at my birth year, should I describe it as magnificent or stagnant? Even I am at a loss, not knowing how to judge. Perhaps it's just absurdity for both myself and others...
In this past year, professionally, I went from an office worker to an entrepreneur, and then back to being an office worker again after a failed venture. During those arduous entrepreneurial days, I was full of vigor, my very bones bursting with entrepreneurial passion and wisdom. The blazing fire and the relentless hunger fueled my indomitable spirit. My mind was filled with the imagined spacious and bright house, my beloved Volvo and the powerful Jeep , and of course, my numerous "Dedaotang" stores throughout Beijing. But ultimately, I failed... My price was money, time, and fleeting moments; my gain, however, was a weighty amount of family affection, enough to sustain a lifetime. As for the reasons for my failure, they are no longer important to me.
Another topic is relationships. The woman I deeply loved and I became strangers, like passersby. I didn't attend her wedding; I was afraid she and her groom would toast me and light my cigarette, afraid of the casual glances from those who knew about our past. Compared to many, I'm someone who needs emotional nourishment; people seem to have a stronger capacity for emotional regeneration than I do. She struggled to redeem herself and me, so why should I drag myself down to the brink? That kind of feeling can't be cured by alcohol or insomnia, so to be kind to life and let go of myself, I'll bury it under old clothes. I told myself: You don't love her anymore. But I still worry about her life occasionally, about her dying father. Ultimately, it's about worrying about the hardships she's endured. For this long-lasting relationship, my lover gave me the greatest tolerance a woman can offer. Regarding my failed business venture, my lover said calmly, "We've been through it all; if we lost money, so be it, it doesn't matter." She added at the end, "From now on, let's rely on each other and live a good life." This sentence made me truly understand the profound meaning and captivating power of the saying, "The right path in life is full of vicissitudes."
I am grateful to Buddha; it is his teachings that brought peace to my trembling heart. Despite the trials fate has thrown my way, I remain healthy, bathed in Buddha's light. I am grateful to my beloved; through the vicissitudes of life, her heart has remained warm. I am at peace with the loss of money; worldly possessions cannot be taken with us when we die, only this life contract remains the foundation of my existence. I am grateful to you — my friend—for when I was sweating and weeping, you touched my hair with an unseen hand, telling me I was not alone. I am grateful for my birth year; as the year draws to a close, it still favors me in my despair, granting me a job I love during this economic downturn. Although it is busy, requires long hours, and necessitates traversing most of the city daily, I feel very fortunate.
2008 , my turbulent 36th year. Although you have left me, and we will meet again in the next cycle of reincarnation, the memory you left me will be etched in my heart. I want to tell you: whenever the weather is fine, the moment the subway breaks free from darkness and emerges from the ground, the sunlight shines through the window onto me, and I feel the same way. It's as if I'm on a train journey, waking up in the middle bunk in the morning, with a thin mist swirling outside the window, the sun breaking through the veil, leading me to see in the distance the small bridge and the sounds of flowing water in the bamboo forest at the foot of the mountain, the houses of Chaisang—places I often visit in my dreams. At that moment, the part of my body furthest from my heart surges with excitement: My sun, my soul is still vibrant! My body is still strong! I still love this mortal life ...

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2008, my birth year

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