Repost: I want more than just an obsession with my own body (A woman's diary)

Original author: xiaoquan527

I wrote down these thoughts for no other purpose than to record them truthfully so that when I look back on my life, I can remember the footprints I have left behind.
I. Human Nature
The biggest shock to me was realizing that it's possible to like different people at the same time. This is completely different from my past views on love and marriage, and from the education I received. But it's a reality. My husband and I have a great relationship, and I'm satisfied with him in every way—from his thoughts and personality to his performance in bed. But that doesn't stop me from leaving space for others in my heart. I still think about people far away, and maybe not just one.
Therefore, sometimes I think that the theory of monogamy in love is not necessarily the truth.
II. Sex
For a sentimental woman like me, sex is not the goal or the process, but a natural reaction of wanting to merge into the other person's body when two people are in love, and the inner satisfaction of seeing the other person's expression of enjoyment.
I crave perfect sex , a fulfilling experience both physically and mentally, followed by unforgettable memories. I know I also appreciate a man's stamina or skillful technique, but simply engaging in sex for the physical experience can't fill the void and regret that follows. So sometimes I prefer to fantasize rather than actually experience it; perhaps you'll laugh at my foolishness.
Of course, not all women are like this, and not all men can tolerate my affectation. I'm just writing about myself. If every woman in the village were like me, it would take away a lot of fun for men. Because I know that men prefer simple, stress-free happiness.
III. Love
Love is a luxury here; too much of it is harmful. Although it can make sex more pleasurable, it can scare men away and leave them bewildered.
In "Reflections," I said that love is a rose with thorns—beautiful but capable of wounding the heart. However, I want to say that this kind of feeling may not be love, but rather an appreciation and liking, untainted by possessiveness or a sense of responsibility, and not driven by the other person's fame, fortune, or future. Therefore, it appears pure, perhaps not abundant, but still beautiful.
So, men, you don't need to be afraid. Women can sometimes be melancholic because of love, but they won't lose their rationality and sense of responsibility. The likelihood of them truly wanting to spend the rest of their lives with you is extremely small. Sometimes, what really hurts a woman is your avoidance and your excessive calmness. Perhaps all she wants is for you to understand her, it's that simple.
IV. Standards
My criteria for choosing a man was once laughed at by many, who concluded that I could never find such a person. In fact, simply put, the person I'm looking for is someone with whom I have mutual affection.
It's not that you're bad, it's just that you haven't met the right person at the right time. For example, when she's sad and needs comfort, you're trying to seduce her; when she's eager for intimacy , you're discussing ideals and life with her—it's perfectly normal for her to reject you. A woman's heart is indeed difficult to fathom sometimes, and being a man is certainly not easy.
Both times I was moved, it was because I was suffering from insomnia and feeling depressed. At that time, the other person was a good listener, someone I could confide in without any reservations. The ensuing conversations became heart-to-heart, and slowly our hearts drew closer.
V. Loss
I don't imagine men to be perfect, but I still often feel disappointed.
When he doesn't have time to chat with me, when he lies to avoid making me angry, when he neglects me because of carelessness; even when the passion gradually fades and each other's shortcomings are gradually revealed to each other, disappointment is inevitable.
Fortunately, I am also a rational woman. I can balance myself and choose to ignore the other person's shortcomings. After all, we are just passersby in each other's life journey. Since we cannot accompany each other for life, there is no need to force each other to change. Remembering the good times we had will make our journey worthwhile when we look back.
I hope you feel the same way about me. Don't have too high expectations, after all, I'm just an ordinary woman.
VI. What do I really want?
Although there are some answers to this question, I still don't know if they are right or wrong.
What I want is a man who secretly loves me, outside of marriage; what I want is a man's respect and appreciation, not just physical attraction; what I want is to slowly enter each other's inner world with someone who understands me, to share happiness and sorrow together; what I want is to draw nourishment from men to become stronger and to make my life more colorful.
I don't need many people, and my heart isn't big. I only hope that we can hold hands for a little longer, and then a little longer still.

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Repost: I want more than just an obsession with my own body (A woman's diary)

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