My bond with my mother

(I) Variations in Mood
It was Sunday, and while I was still fast asleep in my dorm, I suddenly heard a loud
cheer outside. Not knowing what was happening, I groggily opened my eyes and couldn't help but cheer in surprise
. The sun was already high in the sky, and the entire dorm was bathed in its brilliant sunlight.
After days of rain, the sun finally came out, and it felt like a festival, instantly
invigorating my body and mind. No wonder everyone cheered; my sleepiness vanished immediately, and my spirits lifted.
Today is truly a wonderful day. But what I didn't expect was that good fortune would follow so closely behind.
First, I won first place in the citywide university student software design competition announced today.
Secondly, shortly after the news spread throughout campus, I unexpectedly received a call from Mina, inviting me
out for dinner tonight to celebrate. Everything is going so well; I'm so happy I can hardly believe it's real.
Winning the championship in a highly competitive competition has been my goal for the past three years of university, and now, to win
the heart of a beautiful woman, I am overwhelmed with excitement and find it hard to calm down.
Mina is the undisputed beauty queen of our school. Not only is she naturally beautiful, but she also comes from a prestigious family.
She has at least eight hundred, if not a thousand, suitors. However, her standards are extremely high. To win her favor and
stand out among so many suitors is ten times harder than winning a software competition. I, of course, am one of her many admirers.
Although my poor family background and unremarkable appearance make me feel somewhat ashamed, my never-give-up attitude
prevents me from easily giving up.
Today I finally succeeded, how could I not be overjoyed?
I suddenly became the center of attention. In the dormitory, my classmates surrounded me, all wanting
me to treat them. Although I was short of money, I had no choice but to agree in order not to lose face.
Just then, a classmate came in from outside and said to me, "Zhongyi, you should go downstairs quickly. Someone is looking for
you outside. It seems to be your mother."
This news was like a clear sky suddenly being covered by a dark cloud. My mood immediately darkened, and I
secretly complained that my mother hadn't come earlier or later, but had to appear at this particular time.
In short, my good mood vanished instantly, but since my mother had come, I couldn't refuse to see her, so I
went downstairs with a disgruntled look on my face.
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Under the shade of a tree in front of the dormitory building, I saw my mother. I hadn't seen her for more than half a year because
I hadn't gone home for the entire summer vacation.
Grandma was still the same as before, wearing a slightly bulky, dark gray coarse cloth smock that she had worn for who knows how many years,
covered in dust. Her somewhat messy hair was tied in a bun, and she had a faded handbag slung over her shoulder.
My mother saw me too, her eyes glistening with tears of joy, and she walked quickly towards me. Afraid of being
seen by my classmates, I quickly pulled her to a quiet place.
"Nao'er, I've missed you so much! Let me take a good look at you. Have you grown taller again? Nao'er, you
seem to have lost weight. Is it because you're studying too hard, or is the food here not to your liking? Nao'er, don't study too hard.
Your health is the most important thing..."
My mother held my hand tightly, as if afraid I would fly away. She looked at me with boundless love, as if she could never get
enough of looking at me. Her habit of nagging was as strong as ever.
I was getting a little impatient and abruptly interrupted my mother: "Mom, please don't call me by
my nickname anymore, okay? It sounds awful. Didn't I tell you not to come to school? If you need anything, just ask someone in the village
to pass on a message."
"Everything is fine at home."
"Then why did you come all this way?"
"I missed you and wanted to see you. It just so happened that your Uncle Wang from next door was delivering goods in town, so I hitched a ride with him."
"She's just making trouble for no reason," I thought to myself, secretly grumbling at my mother for always causing me trouble. I pulled my
hand away from hers and said gruffly, "Mom, once you've finished reading, go home quickly. I'm very busy right now and can't find
the time to keep you company."
My mother didn't mind my rudeness at all. She took my hand and said softly, "I know you're busy, so I
'm just happy to see you. Go ahead and do your thing. I'm going back now. These are your favorite rice
cakes. I just made them. Take them and let your classmates try them."
As my mother was saying this, she reached into her bag to take it for me, but I stopped her.
"No need to take it, I haven't liked it for a long time, who cares about these things now. Mom, you should go back now, I have
something to do so I won't see you off."
At my repeated urging, my mother reluctantly let go of my hand, but after taking only two steps, she turned back
, as if she had forgotten to say something to me.
"Look at my memory, I was so focused on you that I forgot all about this."
My mother reached into her clothes and groped around for a while before laboriously pulling out a small bag wrapped in a handkerchief from her inner garment.
She untied two layers of handkerchiefs, took out a wad of money, and stuffed it into my hand. I could clearly feel her
body heat still on it.
“Nao’er, here’s five hundred yuan for you to use. It’s money your mother earned recently. You need money for many things now,
so just tell me if you need more.”
Of course I knew how hard it was for my mother to earn five hundred dollars, but I didn't show it outwardly; I just
nodded. My mother walked away, turning back every few steps, and after she had gone quite a distance, she suddenly turned back and said, "Nao'er,
you must come back for the Spring Festival!"
I waved to her and watched my mother's figure gradually disappear into the distance.
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應該說阿媽的突然到來，讓我彷佛從天堂一下子又跌回到了人間，它提醒著
我，不論我怎樣的成功，我那背上的恥辱烙印依然無法洗淨，而這一切都是阿媽
造成的。
在距這個城市以南一百多公里的大青山中，有一個叫做丹陽的地方。那里雖
然山青水秀，但交通卻極為不便，因此非常的貧瘠。我就出生在那里，在那里渡
過了不堪回首的十七年。
由于實在太窮了，家鄉的人們紛紛到這個大城市里打工。這個城市里最低賤，
最粗重，最沒人願意干的活路都能看到我們丹陽人的身影。不止如此，就連街上
遊蕩的很多小偷、妓女、癮君子也都不乏我的老鄉。
正因為如此，這個城市的居民非常的看不起丹陽人，盡管他們一刻也離不了
我們。生活在這個城市，我總有一種低人一等的感覺，很怕讓人知道我也來自那
里，而被同學們瞧不起。但最令我感到恥辱的卻是因為阿媽。我從生下來就沒有
爸爸，這是因為我是阿媽被強暴后所生的野種，那年阿媽才十五歲。
阿媽的名字叫李玉蘭，在那天之前，她是一個普普通通的農村女孩子，雖然
日子很窮，但她依然生活的很快樂。
但在那一天放學回家的路上，她被一對凶殘的大手堵住嘴巴，拖進了樹林里，
並且粗暴的剝光了她單薄的衣褲，接著……
在那封閉落后的農村里，女人的貞好甚至比生命還要重要。
可以想像，這對阿媽的一家打擊有多大，年邁的外公和外婆因承受不了這樣
的打擊不久就先后過世了，只剩下舅舅照顧阿媽。從此也沒有人家願意討阿媽這
樣的女人做媳婦，阿媽只好獨自拉扯著我，在村人的白眼下苦度光陰。我自打懂
事起就處在著世俗的壓力之下，從沒有體會到童年應有的快樂。
沒有哪家的孩子願意和我玩耍，我卻總是遭到他們的奚落和羞辱，以及大人
們背后的指指點點。在這惡劣的環境中，使我也養成了冷漠、孤僻，永不服輸的
性格。
我幾乎痛恨所有的人，甚至是我的阿媽。我恨阿媽為什麼要生下我，讓我一
生下來就要承受這樣的磨難。
在家里，我很少和阿媽笑臉相對，甚至說話都很少，她為我做出的一切也都
被我認為是理所應當的。我發誓長大了一定要離開這個地方，一定要出人頭地，
一定要堂堂正正的做人。
十七歲那年，我終于實現了我的第一個誓言，在高考中我以優異的成績考入
了我現在就讀的這所著名大學，離開了讓我充滿噩夢的丹陽。
阿媽也因此揚眉吐氣了，她可以第一次挺起腰杆站在村人面前。當然她的負
擔就更重了，我那高昂的學費壓得她喘不過氣來。但阿媽沒有在我面前吐過半個
苦字。
這是因為無論多苦多累，只要我有出息，她的心里都是甜的。我是阿媽最大
的，也是唯一的驕傲，是她生命的全部。但那時的我並沒有意識到這些，我依然
心安理得的享受著阿媽的辛勤的付出，似乎這一切都是我應
得的，而阿媽則是在還債。
在這個城市里，我開始了新的人生，我努力嘗試著讓自己忘掉那屈辱的過去。
但我那羞恥的出身卻像個幽靈一樣，不知什麼時候就會跳出來，令我痛苦不堪。
正當我站在原地胡思亂想之際，一個清脆玲瓏的聲音在我耳邊響起：“忠義，
你傻傻的站在這兒干嘛。”
我回頭一看，一個明眸皓齒，千嬌百媚的美少女站在我的身后，竟然是美娜。
我有些不知所措，慌亂中隨便吱唔著：“沒什麼，我……”
“那個女的是誰，你的親戚？”
美娜望著阿媽遠去的身影，臉上露出明顯的鄙夷神情。
我臉一紅，生怕被美娜看出來，忙撒謊道：“她──她怎麼會是我的親戚呢，
她是我們家的保姆，進城賣東西順便來看看我。”
但我畢竟不善于撒謊，表情很不自然，此前我曾對美娜說自己住在丹陽縣城，
父母經營著好幾家工廠。因為美娜是最瞧不起鄉下人的，我害怕美娜知道了我的
家境后，會不再理睬我，只好違心欺騙她。
我不知道能瞞多久，但是虛榮心卻驅使著我硬著頭皮也要撐下去。
“美娜，咱們別說她了，你怎麼會到這呢。”
“我去系里辦些事，剛好路過這兒。哦，我該走了，不跟你說了，記住，晚
上七點，紫藤圓，不見不散。”
我興奮的點點頭，為了今晚美好的約會，我決定暫時忘掉一切的煩惱，去盡
情的品嘗著來之不易的成功。
整個下午我都是在難以言狀的興奮中熬過去的。還沒到七點，我就穿著一新，
手持鮮艷的玫瑰，興衝衝的來到紫藤圓。這是我們大學里最吸引人的所在，被學
生們稱做“愛情的角落”。
七點已經很快過了，可美娜卻遲遲未到。我焦急的等待著，不停的看著表。
一直等到七點半，美娜才姍姍而來。
我連忙迎了上去，滿臉笑容的把玫瑰獻了過去，激動的說話都有些結巴了：
“美娜，你，你來啦。”
“真不好意思，忠義，我有點事耽擱了，你等急了吧。”
“沒有，沒有，我怎麼會呢。美娜，你今天晚上真美。”
“難到我平常不美嗎？”
美娜扭頭婉然一笑，那不經意間流露出萬種風情，看得我不禁失魂落魄，癡
癡的竟呆住了。
今晚美娜穿著一件淡黃色的緊身長裙，修長的身材更加顯得婷婷玉立，楚楚
動人。
我鼓起勇氣，牽住美娜的手。美娜沒有拒絕，反而更加偎緊了我。這是我第
一次牽女孩子的手，興奮之情難以言表，面紅耳赤，心跳的好厲害，不過幸好是
晚上，美娜應該沒有發覺。
我們來到一處四周鮮花盛開，非常幽靜的角落坐了下來。
美娜挨的我很近，一股淡淡的少女幽香沁入我的心脾，我覺得整個人都彷佛
都醉掉了。
扯了一陣閑話，卻突然都找不著話題了，我們都陷入了暫時的沈默。正當我
暗恨自己沒用，絞盡腦汁的想如何向美娜表白時，美娜微笑著在我耳邊低聲說道
：“忠義，你真的喜歡我嗎？”
真沒想到美娜會這樣直接，我有些措手不及，手心全是汗水，紅著臉結結巴
巴的說道：“喜歡，美娜，我真的，真的好喜歡你。”
但誰知接下來美娜的話語更加的大膽了：“忠義，你吻過女孩子嗎？”
美娜緊握著我的手，側過頭直直的望著我，水汪汪的大眼睛在黑夜里一閃一
閃的，分外的誘人。
此時的我反而羞的像個小姑娘，緊張的心似乎要立時蹦出來。我只覺得口干
舌燥，費了半天勁也沒擠出半個字來，只得用力的搖著頭。
“看把你嚇的，”美娜噗哧一笑，“哪像個男子漢，你敢不敢吻我一下。”
此時我的大腦里已是空白一片了，幸福來臨的竟是如此之快，讓我感到難以
置信，我懷疑自己是否身處在夢中。
那紅嫩誘人的小嘴，就在我的眼前微微開啟著，充滿著誘惑。我費力的咽了
咽口水，鼓起勇氣吻了下去。
剛剛觸到美娜的櫻唇，還沒來的及品味那種觸電的感覺，我便被她摟住了脖
子，我們的嘴唇緊緊貼在一起了。
這就是我的初吻，我顯得苯拙極了，完全被動的被美娜的熱情包圍了。我不
敢看美娜的眼睛，身子僵直著，兩只手不知該放到那里。
美娜抱的我更緊了，幾乎是整個身子都倒在我的身上。胸前那對飽滿火燙的
乳房緊緊的頂在我的胸口，我的小弟弟已經硬得快要撐破褲襠了，在這樣下去，
我幾乎就要發瘋了。
過了一會，美娜柔聲說道：“忠義，我們換個地方，去我租的房子，呆會兒
好嗎。”
我呆呆的點點頭，此時的我已完全被美娜主宰了，她就是讓我上刀山，下火
海，我也會毫不猶豫的跳下去。
我們出了校門，不一會就來到了美娜租的房子。美娜拉著我的手，在床邊坐
下。美娜笑眯眯的看著我，問道：“忠義，我再問你一次，你是不是真心想跟我
好？”
我脹紅著臉，抓住她的手，連忙說道：“我可以向上天發誓，美娜，我是真
心愛你的，為了你，我願意做任何事。”
“瞧你那傻樣，快松開，我的手都被你弄痛了。不過要我相信你，就要看你
今晚的表現了，你要聽話，記住了嗎？”
我用力的點點頭。美娜又開始和我接吻，我只是被動的迎合著。
她的手在我身上不住的撫摸著，慢慢的解開我的衣扣，脫去了我的上衣。
“哇，真沒想到你的身體這麼棒，好結實呦！”
美娜不住贊嘆著，驚喜的撫摸著。我只是傻傻的笑了笑，仍一動不動的坐著。
突然我感到胸口一麻，好像有一股強勁的電流在體內穿過，原來是美娜正用
舌尖細細舔著我的乳頭。
還是童男的我怎經得起這樣的調逗，我呻吟了一聲，好像是在承受著世界上
最溫柔，卻又最慘酷的刑罰。胯間的話兒又高高的仰起頭來，下身火燒火燎的像
是趴在火山口上。
美娜仍不住的親吻著我的胸膛，還時不時微笑著瞟我一眼。她開始用小手揉
弄著我鼓脹的褲襠，並解著我的褲帶。伴著一聲驚呼，我感到下體一陣涼意掠過，
原來我的內褲已經被美娜脫了下來。
“忠義，你的本錢也很不錯嗎。”
看著如此露骨挑逗的言語，從那紅艷性感的小嘴里隨意蹦出，我內心的衝動
越來越不可抑制。
美娜反而火上澆油似的握住我不住勃動的陰莖，珠玉般的小手上下飛舞的套
弄著。我再也無法忍耐了，那凝固了幾個世紀的岩漿此時終于攜著熱氣噴薄而出
了，白色的濃漿飛出老遠，有幾滴還飛到了美娜的臉上。
“美娜，對不起，我，我──”
誰知美娜一點也沒生氣，輕笑一聲推開了我，伸手將粉臉上的精液擦去，還
含進嘴里吮吸。
我一絲不掛的站在她的面前，站也不是，坐也不是，真是難堪極了。但很快
我的目光便凝固住了，因為美娜正慢慢的脫著衣服，那動作是如此的優美，充滿
了媚惑。
隨著衣裙一件件的脫落，一個活生生的少女的雪白肉體有生第一次映入了我
的眼中，看得我眼冒金星，口舌僵硬，剛剛軟下的陰莖又迅速堅硬了。
美娜得意的笑著，來到我的面前，用雙臂嬌嗔地鉤住我的脖子，將一對渾圓
火熱的乳房貼在我的胸前，將我壓倒在床上。
她發瘋似的狂吻著我，堅挺的乳房在我的胸膛上磨來蹭去，在的我耳邊不住
發浪的說著：“忠義，親我，我要你用勁的親我，撫摸我。”
我那男子漢潛在的原始欲望終于爆發了，我猛的翻身將美娜壓在身下，像一
部發動的馬達似的轟鳴震蕩起來。
我如同沙漠里一個飢渴的路人，貪婪的親她，吻她，揉捏她的乳房，撫摸她
的身體。但我笨拙的又像個剛剛學步的嬰兒，一切都顯得那麼的幼稚可笑，我想
學著在ａ片中看到的那樣進入她的身體，卻總是不得其法。
美娜有些等不及了，她握住我的陰莖，對準她濕潤紅腫的肉縫，輕輕一送，
我的整根肉棍便全部插入了她已汁液泛濫的桃源洞。這感覺真的太美妙了，我的
陰莖被包裹在一個溫暖濕潤，細嫩幽緊的腔道里，我用盡全力衝刺著，就像往常
在球場上縱情馳騁一樣。
雖然這是我初嘗性愛，但隱約的感覺到美娜已不是處女。但這個念頭也只是
一掠而過，我很快就被巨浪般的快感吞沒了。但我真沒用，很快就交了貨。不過
美娜仍不停的調逗我，沒多久我又龍精虎猛了。
美娜在床上瘋極了，在她的指導下，我做愛的技巧越來越純熟，美娜被我干
的欲仙欲死，連呼過癮。
We worked until we were completely exhausted before we finally stopped. Mina nestled contentedly in my arms,
talking to me.
"Zhongyi, would you take me to your house sometime?"
Of course, I didn't dare take Mina home, so I just made do with her. Just as I was about to change the subject, Mina
said again, "You'd better tell your parents to be careful of your nanny. My aunt used to have a nanny from Danyang
, and my aunt treated her very well, but who knew that the nanny would steal a lot of money and jewelry from the house and run away. If you ask me,
there aren't many good people in Danyang."
My face flushed, and I could only say yes, quickly changing the subject, afraid that Mina would say something I couldn't face
.
As we talked, Mina gradually fell asleep. Looking at her sleeping, I was filled with mixed emotions;
my good mood for the evening had completely vanished.
I'm so afraid of losing Mina, and I can't imagine what she'll do when she finds out the truth. My mind is a complete
blank. I don't dare think about the future, and I don't even have the courage to face tomorrow.

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My bond with my mother

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